Nordquist Blog

Although we have DirecTV with dozens of movie channels and a subscription to Neftlix, I can’t walk by a Red Box kiosk without seeing what’s available.   I should be able to find a movie to rent or stream at Netflix, but digesting the massive selection feels like drinking from a fire hose. With so many options I become hyper selective and often end up watching “The Smartest Guys in the Room” for the umptheenth time.

RedBox is the exact opposite. Their selection is so small that nearly every title looks fascinating. I mean, how did I manage to skip over Flicka 2 and Leap Year when they were in theaters? Oh, and there’s Glory, in case I missed it back in ‘89.

The only downside to RedBox besides their limited selection is that fact I must drive to a kiosk location to pickup the movie and do the same to return it. That means When In Rome, worth a shot for a buck, becomes a $12 investment because the DVD got separated from the container, and it took a week before I discovered it in the kid’s toy closet.

I visited the Red Box website and plugged my zip code into their “Find A RedBox” engine, and it spit out 27 locations in my town alone. Yet I wondered how I could make RedBox even more convenient. A few months back, I tried to return a DVD to a kiosk that was out of order. I called customer service to inquire when it would be operational before hunting down one of the other 26 locations. Within minutes, the RedBox came alive, and gulped down the DVD I fed it by hand, red arrow pointing the right direction and all.

Because customer service was so helpful, I decided to try my luck and see if I could convince them to setup a RedBox at my house.

Unlike Amazon, RedBox makes it easy to locate their phone number from their website. I dialed and waited a few minutes on hold. I listened to a recording that recited a few RedBox facts such as “over 20,000” locations and the ability to return DVDs to any RedBox location. Finally, I was connected with a customer service rep whom I’ll call  “Lenny”.

Lenny: Thank you for calling RedBox. How can I assist you?

Me: I’m calling to inquire about having a RedBox setup at my home.

Lenny: Did you say at your home? Do you mean your business?

Me: I was hoping to get one placed just outside my home.

Lenny: We typically place kiosks in public, high traffic areas. Most are located inside or just outside of a business. Do you have a business?

Me: I don’t have a business per se, but, given the number of DVDs my family rents, I’m sure you won’t notice a decrease in usage. Besides, if rentals were down one month, I’d be willing to let my neighbors join in the fun.

Lenny: Like I said, we place them in public areas. I can’t imagine you’d want strangers trespassing on your property during all hours of the day and night.

Me: I have a stretch to the side of my home that was built for RV parking. But since I don’t have an RV it would make an ideal place for a RedBox. Plus, have you ever tried to return a DVD only to find that guy who thinks Avatar is available on release day? He’ll spend 20 minutes scrolling through every screen before leaving with Ponyo. Wait times at the kiosk would be zero if I had my own.

Lenny: I don’t know…

Me: To make it easier on you, RedBox could fill the kiosk with only kids movies and shows that don’t star Jennifer Aniston or Katherine Heigl. That would reduce the number drastically.

Lenny: What? Maybe I could take your name and number and forward your request to the department that handles business relations.

At that point, I gave Lenny my name and number. He assured me that I’ll hear from someone shortly.

The chances of getting my own kiosk are slim to none, but I’ll manage having to search out one of those other kiosks.

I’m always delighted to speak with people who are so friendly and clearly enjoy their job.  I’d guess most people who call in do so to complain about something. Kudos to Lenny and RedBox for hiring such friendly employees. I’m an even bigger RedBox fan today than I was before.

When I turned sixteen I couldn’t wait to find a job. Luckily, a friend of the family owned a carwash/gas station. My job consisted of sending cars through the automated wash and hand drying them as they exited.

For my work, I was paid $3.35 or a dime more than minimum wage. I showed up each Saturday morning at 8 am sharp and helped prepare the station for the day.

I learned a number of skills at that job, some of which I still think back on today. We didn’t have digital cash registers that calculated the change for us so I learned to count change back to customers. I also became comfortable checking and adding oil to various makes of cars. I also learned how to handle customers who expected their Pontiac Fiero to come out of a four dollar carwash looking show floor new.

One learning experience stands out though.

After a warm summer day, my coworker and I were in a hurry to close the station and spend the evening chasing girls or trouble or both. We began cleaning the large brushes with a cleaning solution that’s probably illegal today. My job was to dip two rags into an oily solution, turn the brushes on full speed and then hug the brushes until they were fully covered. Of course, more solution ended up on my clothing and hair than the brushes.

Not smoking probably saved my life.

We followed standard closing procedure by cleaning and preparing areas customers could not see. We were not allowed to lock the gas pumps until the 7 pm closing time.

But business had been light for the past hour and we couldn’t wait to begin our evening. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to lock half the gas pumps 30 minutes early, would it? Locking the pumps was time consuming because a number of readings had to be taken including dipping a 20 foot wooden pole down into the underground fuel containers.

Between cleaning the brushes and dipping that wooden pole into the container, no job since has provided so much excitement and potential danger.

So we locked one island of pumps and waited the last half hour before locking the rest and hopefully getting out a bit earlier than usual.

As I pumped gas for one of our regular customers, the owner of the station pulled up to one of the locked pumps. He didn’t have to get out of his car to notice it was locked.

I finished helping customers, while he waited next to his car. To his credit he didn’t explode or lay into me, although he had every right to. I explained that we hoped to get out as close to 7 pm as possible.

At that point he said, “I’d like you to pump my gas from this pump”.

And that’s when he taught me something I’ve never forgotten. “We close when our last customer drives away.”

What if a customer had pulled up to a locked pump and driven away before I could direct them to the other island? Nobody wants to feel like they are being hurried out of a business they are willing to patronize. He reminded me there were two gas stations located less than block away.

I got the message. The owner gave me a mulligan. I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

I thought about his words this weekend when we visited Qdoba thirty minutes before closing. All but two smaller tables had been pushed to one side of the business. Chairs were balanced on top of tables, and one man was moping the floors under our feet as we ordered.

I should have walked out at that point, but the kids were hungry and strapping them into the van isn’t a pleasant exercise as they tell us for the 100th time how hungry they are.

To make matters more dangerous, the only way to the soda dispenser was through the wet area he’d already mopped. Of course, it took less than a minute for Kai fall down in that area while running to help his sister.

The woman who took our order was friendly, although I wasn’t happy when she asked, “This is to go, right?” as she cut the kids cheese quesadilla.

I understand the workers at Qdoba probably felt the same way I did as I locked down the gas pumps so many years ago. But last night did not make us fans of Qdoba. And because there’s a Chipotle a block away, we’ll take our business there next time we’re in the mood for quasi-healthy Mexican food.

Photo by Tommy Ironic

I’ve been looking forward to the release of a book called “The Book of Basketball” by Bill Simmons. Simmons is one of my favorite columnists from ESPN. 

I considered pre-ordering the book on Amazon. But while I was in Bellevue this afternoon, I decided to swing by Barnes and Noble and buy the book. It wasn’t in stock. As I was about to leave, the Barnes and Noble employee asked if I’d like to be notified by email when the book arrived.

Sure, why not. I gave him my email and he said, “That book is $30 in store.”

“In store?”

“Yes, in store price is $30. That means you want it now and will pick it up from the store.”

“But you don’t have it now. The same book is $16.50 at Amazon”, I tell him.

“You can always order it from our website, where I’m sure it’s less than $30.”

I left the store shaking my head. As much as I want to support local shops, $30 is quite the markup for a book. Does Barnes and Noble want my business? I left with doubts.

What if the employee had offered to ship the book directly to my house at the same price ($17.55) I can purchase the book from the Barnes and Noble website? I would have purchased it on the spot.

It’s only one book and I’m just some guy off the street. But Barnes and Noble missed an opportunity to sell me a book today. And more important, I doubt I’ll go back the next time I’m looking for a new hardcover.

The Amazon website was more helpful than the Barnes and Noble employee. I came home from work and ordered two books and some supplies from Amazon. I’m sure it won’t be the last time.

Del Taco is a member the “bang for the buck” Fast Food Hall of Fame. Kim swears by their 1/2 pound burritos. Lincoln loves their tacos. And I like to put mild sauce on their crinkle fries.

I’m talking cheap rather than healthy.

Doesn’t matter what we order at Del Taco, they never give us enough of their Mild Sauce; a sauce so good it deserves to be capitalized.

As I went through the drive-thru last night I reminded the young man working the window that we’d appreciate a lot of Mild Sauce. When he handed me our bags of food, he said, “Here’s a bag with Mild Sauce”.

We pulled around into the parking lot and ate our food. Kim and I used about ten packets of Mild Sauce, but we had a lot left over. But it wasn’t till we returned home that we noticed how much sauce was left over.

Today, I pulled out the bag and placed the packets on our kitchen table. The kids gathered around as if I were organizing Halloween candy.

Luca counted 67 packets left over from last night.

I’m considering handing them out to the kids this Halloween.

Too few companies respect my time.

This past week I spent nearly 15 minutes jumping through a telephone tree maze only to find out the department I needed to speak with was closed for the day.

I’ve waited in line for 10 minutes while one employee calls another to price check an item costing less than five bucks.

How many times have you discussed a problem with an employee only to have them say, “I can’t authorize that for you. You’ll need to speak with my manager”?

Do you give your employees the authority to make your customers happy? Or have you put up processes to wear down your customers?

Reminds me of a cell phone rebate I submitted a few years back that required ten mind-numbing steps, my favorite of which was “Enclose a copy of your second month’s bill”. This company knew that many people will miss a step resulting in the rebate being declined.

So it was a pleasant surprise dealing with Discount Tire this afternoon. I called ahead to determine whether or not I needed to make an appointment to have my tires rotated.

“We are open till 5 pm. If you can get here before then we”ll get it done for you today.”

Wow.

I was expecting something along the lines of “We close at 5 pm but stop accepting new work after 4 pm”.

They take my name, and when I pull in 15 minutes later, a Discount Tire employee meets me as I pull in. He doesn’t try to sell me rims or new tires. He takes my keys and says, “We’ll have her done in 20 minutes.”

I picked up my car and was off. Nothing to sign. No sales pitch. They respected my time and I’ll be back when I need new tires.

I’ve written before about how much I enjoy signs. Especially those that show up around businesses in full view of customers. Some of the best signs turn up at fast food joints that are typically staffed by a young crew of creative kids who can’t wait around for the corporate offices to make them a sign.

So they take matters into their own hands and and create some of the best unintentional humor around. It’s like a dinner play at a fraction of the cost.

Take the signs I came across at our local Quizno’s this afternoon. As I stepped up to the counter to order, I was presented with this gem:

I’m not sure “Caution” is the best choice when you’re in the sandwich business. Plenty of businesses sell items at cost, but make it up in other areas. Maybe there’s big profits in selling extra “guacamole”. I don’t know, but I love the use of quotation marks.

One more thing – wouldn’t one $ sign do? When I see $$$$ I think of Zagat reviews. By that scale a few extra tomatoes may run 50 bucks.

As I filled the kids drinks, I noticed this sign:

I’m only used to paying for refills at Chinese and Thai restaurants. I don’t know what it is about those two, but it’s not uncommon for a glass of ice and a can of Diet Coke to arrive at our table. Maybe they don’t believe in the concept of fountain drinks, but I’ve adjusted my lifestyle to deal with it.

But I’m not accustomed to paying extra for fountain drinks at fast food places on top of inflated prices. Especially those with self-serve stations. I finished my Diet Pepsi and slowly nudged my way back over to the cooler where I filled my cup with ice. The two Quizno’s employees gave me the stare-down assuming I was about to fill my cup with an extra 99 cents worth of refreshment.

As I stood at the counter ready to pay for my meal, I noticed the obligatory tip jar.

I paid for one sandwich and three kid’s meals. The kids wanted chips so the cashier reached into each bag and pulled out the chocolate chip cookie right in front of the kids. I guess you get one or the other when business is tight.

How many of you would still leave a tip a this point?

While working late on my computer a few days ago, I decided to make a run for the border. The Taco Bell Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme was calling my name. It’s my favorite item on the menu. In fact, it’s the only item on the menu that I love.

Two features draw me to the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme:

1. the spicy chicken
2. easy to eat while driving

One can’t go wrong ordering a Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme day or night. So I found myself at the drive-thru late Saturday night. I ordered two Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supremes, and before I could place an order for a large Diet Pepsi, a voice came over the intercom announcing they only carry the Crunchwrap Supreme with beef.

What??!!

I asked again just to be sure, but the gentleman working the window confirmed the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme has been removed from the menu.

So I decided to call the Taco Bell Customer Hotline to see who was responsible for this obvious oversight. I visited the Taco Bell website where I found the customer hotline (1-800-TACO-BELL). I dialed the number and was immediately connected with Cheryl, Taco Bell Customer Hotline Rep.

Here’s how the call unfolded:

Cheryl: Thank you for calling the Taco Bell customer hotline. This is Cheryl. Can I get your name and your phone number?

Me: (I give her my name and bogus phone number)

Cheryl: How can I help you today?

Me: I have a few questions concerning the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme which is my favorite item on your menu.

Cheryl: I’m sorry, we’re longer serving the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme.

Me: That’s why I’m calling. Do you know why it was yanked and when it’s coming back?

Cheryl: Decisions, such as what’s on the menu, are made at our corporate headquarters. I can’t confirm it’s ever coming back, but I will note that you’d like us to bring it back.

Me: Do you know the name of the person at corporate who made that decision? Maybe hearing it’s a favorite among my family and friends would change his mind. 

Cheryl: I have no way of connecting you. Do you know that we still offer the original Crunchwrap Supreme with beef?

Me: Yes, but it’s the spicy chicken that makes it magical. Do you think if I called ahead, I could place a special order for the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme?

Cheryl: Sir, I’m sorry but we currently only offer the one with beef.

Me: So there’s no spicy chicken stash hiding in a freezer that could be unthawed and cooked up if I called ahead?

Cheryl: Uhhh….no.

Me: Have you taken many calls from customers like myself who have asked for the return of the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme?

Cheryl: Oh yes. Quite a few people have called in asking us to bring it back.

Me: What would you say the chances corporate decides to bring it back for the summer? Better than 50%?

Cheryl: Sir, I can’t say for certain. All I can do is pass on your suggestion to bring it back. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Me: Not today. Thank you for your time. Goodbye.

The last few times I’ve visited the Taco Time in Bellevue, WA the manager has approached our table near the end of our visit to ask if we were pleased with the food and service. The last time I purchased tires, the manager of Discount Tire stopped by to meet me when I returned to pickup my car. He wanted to ensure I was satisfied with my new tires and the service his employees rendered. And I recently wrote about my experience at a local carwash where the owner went out of his way to learn about me.

This got me thinking about how well I know the customers in my line of business and how often do I reach out to them.  And more importantly, how well do I know what they are looking for. Why do they choose to do business with us over a competitor or vice versa? What could we do better? Which customers are our biggest fans?

These are a few questions I’ve asked myself as our business has become more competitive yet our market is shrinking.

If given a choice, I will do business with people I know and have build a relationship. That ranges from a $20 haircut to a $20,000 car. I find it curious that some owners make it a priority to get to know their customers and some don’t seem to care. Are you willing to step out from behind your desk and actively search for opportunities? Or will you kick back and browse through the customer surveys once a month?

I once worked for a company where, at the end of every project, the CEO called the client. Instead of focusing on the survey return rate, his focus was on listening to each customer. He’d organize the feedback, both positive and negative, and present it at our company meeting each month. This feedback was much more valuable than raw numbers. Most customers appreciate the opportunity to speak with the CEO. It sends the message, “Your business is important to us”.

A few weeks ago I took in a pair of shoes for repair. The man who took my shoes was the owner. He repaired the shoes and took my money when I came back for them. When he said, “I appreciate your business” I knew he meant it. It wasn’t some required scripted question we’ve all heard like “Would you like to save 10% today by applying for a Target card?” Not every business is small enough to allow the owner to interact with all clients. But I believe all business owners should look for opportunities to listen to their clients and encourage their employees to do the same.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve received customer service ranging from very good to very bad. Here are a few that come to mind:

BMW of Bellevue – I needed a turn signal bulb so I visited the service department at BMW of Bellevue. I spoke with a man at the service desk who said the light I needed was $2. I told him I’d take one and he rang up my purchase. He then took a small paper bag and put 5 lights in it and said, “Consider those spares. They will save you a trip next time”.

Hanna Andersson- Two very different experiences at two stores. We visited the outlet store in Woodinville looking for coats for next winter. A size we needed wasn’t available, but an employee called the Portland store, and the coat in the correct size was shipped to us overnight for $10. The next week I went to the Hanna Andersson store in University Village looking for a dress for Luca’s baptism. I walked to the counter where an employee was ringing up a customer. Another employee stood to the side folding shirts. I wasn’t carrying anything and it should have been clear that I had a question. But she continued to fold shirts for nearly 10 minutes, never once asking if she could help me.

Verizon Wireless – Experience tells me that I’d rather have a root canal than deal with a cell phone company. I’ll save the details of my experience with Sprint for another blog, but needless to say, I will never give Sprint another dime. Avoid them at all costs. But two weeks ago I called to cancel our two lines with Verizon Wireless. I was expecting a painful process where I was transferred from one person to the next. But, to my surprise, the first person who answered was able to cancel my account in a polite and efficient manner without the usual run-around. Verizon valued my time and didn’t insult me by saying their computers were down like Sprint did a few years ago. I have no problem recommending Verizon, and would consider going back to them if I have problems with AT&T.

The Pearl – This is a fancy but reasonably priced restaurant located in Lincoln Square in Bellevue. A friend and I wandered in for lunch last week and were met by a friendly hostess. She seated us, and for the next hour we were treated to some of the best salmon I’ve ever had. And yet their prices (at least for lunch) were very reasonable. The service was stellar. Our waitress was there when we needed but didn’t bother us by interrupting our discussion every five minutes. When she heard my friend worked at Lincoln Square she took 20% off the bill. Highly recommended.

DirecTV – I would not want to watch TV without my dual tuner DirecTivo. And when I can’t find anything on TV, I’ll browse through the PPV movies. I’ll usually find one or two to purchase and record to watch later. The key was that I was able to record movies to watch at a later date. The movie was there at the time we wanted to watch. But DirecTV has made a major change to their PPV service. Now each movie must be watched within 24 hours of purchase or DirecTV sends a signal to your DVR which erases the movie! On top of this absurdity, they raised the price of PPV movies from $3.99 to $4.99. This is a knucklehead move on the part of DirecTV. I’ve gone from purchasing a few movies each month to not purchasing any. How is this a smart business move?

Kent Commons – I’ve been playing basketball at the Kent Commons a few mornings each week. Unlike some gyms that won’t let you past the front desk without paying (Yes, you Pro Club and your $18 guest fee), the commons operates on the honor system. A group of us meet in the gym and play for nearly two hours. We then pool our money and pay on the way out. Makes the place feel the quintessential small town community center.

I can’t imagine a 6-year old any more excited to get glasses than our Lincoln. He’s asked us each day for the past week if his glasses were ready to pickup.

Kim picked up her contact lenses yesterday and Lincoln was disappointed his glasses had not come in.

Tonight the call arrived. They were ready.

But it was 5:50 pm and Sears Optical closed at 6. I explained how excited Lincoln was to pickup his glasses and wear them to school tomorrow. If we arrived while he was still in the store he’d hand them over.

We jumped in the Odyssey and took off. I pulled into the parking lot and ran up to the door with Lincoln in tow at 6:10. I didn’t want leave him disappointed again, but figured at least we tried.

But we were in luck! A few lights were still on and we were invited inside.

Lincoln sat down on a stool. He couldn’t stop grinning. Nor could he stop twirling around in the chair and making goofy faces in the small mirror. The young man reached into a drawer and pulled out a small pair of glasses. He fiddled with them for a few minutes in order to find the right fit to Lincoln’s face.

I left this young man a tip and told him thank you for making our son’s day. As I opened the door to return to the car, Lincoln ran past me.

He could not wait to show his older sister his new glasses. If Luca approved of them, that’s all that mattered.

There was a time when brick and mortar retailers held most of the cards. If I wanted a Sony Walkman, I could choose between a number of local electronics stores. Mail order was an option as well but not nearly as mainstream.

That was then.

Today we have seemingly limitless options. If I’m looking for a specific video camera like I was last week, there are hundreds of online retailers ready to take my Visa. I have local options as well although they are diminishing each month it seems.

But I enjoy buying local and will pay a bit more to do so. By supporting local shops I keep another option open even if the price is a little higher and their selection isn’t as expansive.

So last week I decided to surprise Kim with a Flip Mino for Valentines. I went to the local Best Buy. I found the video camera display after making my way through a maze of Xbox bundles, racks of DVDs and rows of cell phone accessories only a teenager could appreciate.

They had a number of video cameras but not the Flip Mino HD model I was after. I looked around for a sales associate, but the two I could find were helping other customers. So I waited.

And waited.

Finally a young man from the Apple iPod area approached me. He seemed sure they carried the model I wanted, but didn’t have keys to check. Keys to what? I didn’t ask.

He asked me to wait a little longer for the man with the keys which I did. After a few minutes, I was speaking with the associate who knew a lot about the Flip Mino. He told me they had the HD model in stock but it wasn’t out on the floor nor was it on the display table for me to test.

So I’m nearly 25 minutes into a visit that should take 10 only to find out that I can’t handle or test the product I’m looking to purchase thereby removing a major reason I decided to drive to the store in the first place.

The associate said he’d retrieve the Mino HD from the back room if I was interested in buying it. Huh? What if I just wanted to hold it? Maybe even test it! This isn’t a rare BMW M3 I’m looking to buy here. Why wouldn’t this employee get the camera in my hand AS SOON AS POSSIBLE? This is Retail 101. Get the product in the customers hands! This is one of the few benefits retailers have over online stores. We know they usually can’t compete on price or selection. But they can refine the sales process and make up for those weaknesses by providing excellent service. Nordstrom understands this. So does Starbucks and the Apple Store.

Before I could ask this young man to retrieve an HD Mino from the now mystical and very locked back closet, he launched into a spiel about the extended warranty Best Buy offers on this camera. I haven’t seen the camera. I’ve not held it. Yet he’s trying to upsell me on a warranty.

I gave up. I couldn’t take it any longer.

And I walked out of the store minus the camera.

This weekend, I found the camera at B & H  for forty bucks less. Took me a whole two minutes to purchase. No waiting. No spiel. No BS.

Maybe there’s still room for local electronics retailers. But unless they can decrease the grief to helpfulness ratio, they have no chance to earn my business.

We have two carwashes in Auburn. Both provide the same services. Both are well-kept. Both are about the same distance from my house. I don’t give much thought when deciding between the two. I usually end up at the one closest to where I am running errands which happens to be the newer carwash.

But last Saturday I was running errands closer to the older carwash. After I sprayed off my car I pulled over near the vacuums to dry it.

That’s when an older man dressed in cowboy boots and a western hat approached me. I assumed he was going to ask if I was interested in buying a set of speakers. At a fantastically low price, of course!

But he wasn’t selling anything.

He introduced himself and asked if I had everything I needed to clean my car. I asked if he was the owner and he nodded. He told me he recently bought the carwash because he liked being around people. He recently retired and this would give him somewhere to spend his days.

He told me he appreciated my business. He asked if I had any suggestions on how he could improve the carwash. I told him everything was fine except the soap came out too thick on the brush. He said he’d take a look. Maybe it needed to be thinned out.

He listened more than he talked. He seemed genuinely interested in my feedback. He shook my hand and thanked me again.

In all the years I’ve washed my cars, I’ve never once been thanked for my patronage.

In an era where so much customer interaction is being outsourced to everything except a human being, it’s refreshing doing business with a person rather than a computer or machine.

But today this new owner won me over. When I have a choice, I’ll always go where I feel appreciated.

And I’ll tell my friends.

In September our family visited Disneyland. I spent a lot of time waiting in lines only to be shuffled away on some ride I knew nothing about. Half the time I didn’t know whether I was supposed to be frightened or amused. Someone else was in control and I was merely along for the ride.

That’s how I feel when go in for a haircut. 

I don’t know when I stopped having input in how my hair was cut, but it’s been a while. When I was a young boy, my dad would take me to the barber. I hated going to the barber because his goal was to make my head feel naked. He’d pull out the clippers and buzz around my head as if I were joining the Marines that day. During the winter it was cut short. During the summer it was cut shorter. All I wanted was for the back to grow out just enough that it would curl.

Then I’d be cool.

Like Andy Gibb.

The old metal clippers were loud and vibrated so violently that I felt I was seconds away from having my ears cut off. The only part I enjoyed was the end when he’d suck all the hair off my head with a powerful vacuum. Sometimes he’d stick the nozzle down my back to remove the hair that made its way down my shirt. It tickled like crazy!

But getting a bad haircut as a kid is a rite of passage.

One might assume that when I got to the age where I was paying for my own haircuts my influence would increase.

It hasn’t.

Take my haircut last week for example. I sat in a cushy black chair while the stylist placed a plastic tarmac over my head before she wrapped a layer of fine sandpaper around my neck. Then, as she grabbed the scissors from the beaker of lime Kool-Aid, she casually asked, “How would you like your hair cut?”

But she’s only half listening. In fact, she’s already started trimming a little off the top before I can say anything. “Maybe an inch off the top with a number 4 clipper around the sides and back”, I reply.

She nods. I act like she’s listening. But I know she’s taking my words about as seriously as when I’d ask my mom if I could take our Plymouth Duster out for a spin when I was 14 years old.

Maybe I’m not all that particular when it comes to getting my hair cut. I’m usually satisfied with how my hair looks, and I base my tip on how relaxed I feel during the shampoo. A few months ago the stylist shampooed my hair twice, worked in a  conditioner that didn’t leave me smelling like I bought cologne at the 7-11 and gave me a scalp massage. She earned a nice tip for her efforts.

Oh well.

Next time I go in, I’m going to tell the stylist, “Just make me look handsome”.

Picture taken by Pancho

As I sat at my desk licking a Tootsie Pop a few questions sprang to mind. I jotted them down and decided to call the Tootsie Pop hotline on my lunch break. But before I called, I checked the online FAQ at the Tootsie company website to ensure I didn’t ask a question that had been answered in the FAQ such as, “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?”

How unoriginal.  

I dialed and was connected to an operator who quickly transferred me to sales when I explained to her I had a few questions concerning the Tootsie Pop. Sales then transferred me to Customer Relations. I spoke with a very kind woman who answered the following questions:

Customer Rep: So I’m told you have questions about our Tootsie Pops.

Me: That’s right. I won’t take much of your time.

Customer Rep: What are you questions?

Me: Can you tell me what the recommended daily dosage of Tootsie Pops is?

Customer Rep: We don’t make any recommendations. It’s at the parents discretion. Some parents may say one Tootsie Pop is enough while others may allow more. 

Me: What if the Tootsie Pops are for me and I’m trying to figure out the maximum number I can safely eat each day?

Customer Rep: I’m not able to give you an exact number, but you should stop eating them if you feel sick.

Me: What is your most popular flavor?

Customer Rep: Our customers tell us cherry.

Me: Have you considered putting a vanilla Tootsie Roll in a chocolate pop to create a hot fudge sundae flavored one?

Customer Rep: We are continually testing new flavor combinations.

Me: If I were to bite into a Tootsie Pop before realizing there was no Tootsie Roll center, would I be eligible for a refund?

Customer Rep: That seldom happens. But if it did, we could send you a voucher for a free replacement.

Me: That sounds fair. I was looking at one of the wrappers today and realized it’s in dire need of an update. It depicts children taking part in activities most no longer do anymore such as playing marbles, ice skating and riding go-carts.

Customer Rep: What is your question?

Me: I just wonder if the wrappers should be updated to depict those activities kids are involved in today. For example, you could show a couple of boys jamming to Guitar Hero. Or how about a kid checking his MySpace page? My kids love to kick back on the couch and play Nintendo DS.

Customer Rep: I don’t see us changing from the current design although you have several good ideas there.

Me: Do you sponsor a Tootsie Pop fan club?

Customer Rep: No we don’t, but you’ll find a lot of interest in our products on the internet.

Me: Is there anything else exciting happening in Tootsie land I should be aware of?

Customer Rep: We are running several promotions along with a sweepstakes giveaway which you can enter by visiting our website.

Me: Thank you for your time. You’ve been most kind.

Customer Rep: Thank you for calling today.