The Movie That Changed My Life

There are a handful of movies that have had an impact on my life. I recall wanting to learn more about autism after I watch Rain Man, and I had this sickening feeling for days after watching Schindler’s List the day it arrived in theaters. But no movie has had as much impact on my life as American Beauty. It’s my all-time favorite movie.

I’ve thought about writing this blog post for a long time but never had the guts to start it. I figured it was a bit too personal and that nobody else would care what I thought of some movie or how it drove me to make changes in my life. I’ve told very few people about what I’m about to write and I’m not proud about how I handled certain parts of this experience. Yet it’s something I think back to often, and it’s shaped how I view my work and my family to a great degree. I think for the better.

Back in 1999, I had moved into a job that I thought would be challenging and rewarding. It came with big promises of responsibility, advancement and rewards. But I soon realized that it was none of the above. I had several job opportunities at the time but I selected this position because I was told it wouldn’t require as much travel as the others. Plus, my manager seemed nice enough and the group was one of the largest, most stable at the company. It seemed liked an ideal situation for me at the time and I was excited to land the position.

Sometimes when emotions run high, I fail to notice the red flags. They might have been small red flags but they were there from the start. The first red flag  came when my required travel actually increased over my last position. I hadn’t been married long and Kim and I knew we wanted to start a family soon, and the idea of being away from home for days on end was not what I was after. Another red flag came when I realized one of my closest friends left the group and joined my previous product group. One of my biggest regrets is the fact that I didn’t listen to him well enough when we met for lunch. All the signs were there though and I failed to take them seriously. Maybe I didn’t want to see them.

I worked for the biggest jerk. This guy had no life. He arrived at work before anyone else and stayed long after everyone had gone home. And he let everyone within earshot know. He was a miserable person to be around and those that reported to him closed their doors and tried to go about their business in a fashion that would avoid his wrath. Each morning I’d arrive at work around 7:30 am. My office was on the third floor and I could take an elevator or the stairs. I’d slog my way up those three flights of stairs as slowly as humanly possible. With each step my stomach would turn into a tighter knot. Step after grueling step. When I finally reached the top, I could almost puke. The hours at work felt like days. It was a living hell. 

One summer afternoon, my new manager came into my office and demanded I travel with him to Orlando to help him prep for a talk. I stayed up all night preparing slides and helping him understand the product and how it would benefit the attendees. The next morning he gave the talk and he didn’t feel it went over very well. I’m sure part of that was due to the last minute preparation, but he made it clear that he was done speaking at these small events and that I’d be called on to handle the next one. Although I stayed up all night to help him prepare for a talk he committed to, I didn’t expect him to thank me, and he didn’t. I felt like whatever I did, it was the wrong choice in his eyes.

I felt very alone at this time. Kim was the only person I could talk to, but I didn’t want her to worry about my job or feel like I was complaining about my situation. I wasn’t supposed to complain because I worked for one of the largest, most successful companies in the world. A company that turned away thousands of talented people each month who would do anything to get a foot in the door.  I carried a lot of self-doubt around, wondering why I wasn’t happy with my job and my boss. My life didn’t suck. Only the place where I spent 12 hours of my day sucked.

That’s how I felt as I walked around Disney World. I was so tired, yet I felt maybe a movie would take my mind off my predicament. It just seemed wrong to be depressed in the land of Mickey, Goofy and Pluto. So I made my way over to the theater and bought a ticket to American Beauty. I’d seen the trailer and figured it was worth a shot. I bought a Coke and a popcorn and sat near the back of a nearly full theater.

As I watched the movie, I was stunned at how much I related to Kevin Spacey’s character. Especially the scenes where he was dealing with a job he hated and how it affected his self-esteem and relationships. Some parts are painful to watch, yet many hit me like a violent crowbar to the chest. I sat there in my seat absolutely transfixed to the screen. I felt like I was watching a mini film that covered sections from my life.

When the movie came to an end I sat there for at least ten minutes and thought about my work and was pissed off at the toll it was taking on my life. I grew up in a family where my father worked as a school teacher for over 30 years and subsidized his income as a coach and driver’s ed instructor during the school year and then managed a large public swimming pool in the summer. I don’t recall him complaining about his job and, until I saw American Beauty, I figured it was just a sign of weakness to complain about mine which was a piece of cake compared to those my father held.

Although the movie isn’t the most cheery, it was uplifting to me because it gave me hope that I could get out of the miserable situation I was in. I didn’t have to continue climbing the stairs to a job that made me sick. I didn’t have to take the abuse this manager dished out on a daily basis. So I decided to talk to my boss when I returned from Orlando and explain to him how I felt and the changes (less travel) that needed to occur so that I could enjoy my job. At least that’s what I thought would happen. Yet a quick meeting with him convinced me nothing was going to change so I did something I’ve never done before in my life:

I WALKED AWAY FROM THE JOB

I didn’t wait around, clinging to the belief that things would change. I didn’t notify HR of the abuse (something I regret). I didn’t offer to work another two weeks in the same environment. I came into the office one night and packed up my belongings and emailed my manager that I wasn’t returning. He was shocked and forwarded my email to HR who called me the next day and asked me to reconsider my decision. They asked what had made me leave so suddenly, but I couldn’t says, “Oh, I saw a movie that inspired me to quit”. They offered to hook me up with another group, but I’d made up my mind that I needed to fully remove myself from that environment. It was toxic.

That was nearly nine years ago and I know I made the right decision to leave. I wasn’t happy and that daily dread was taking a toll on the relationships that matter most in my life. I’m glad I didn’t “suck it up” to the point where I became unbearable to live with at home. I’m glad I didn’t change my style to fit that of a company built on internal competition that thrives on pitting employees against each other. There are those who are adept at playing that game and can separate it from their family and friends. But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t treat people at work like crap and then turn around and be this kind person to my friends and family. I felt my only choice was to remove myself from that caustic environment.

I’m happy I did just that.

Comments

  1. I’m so glad you shared this story. It takes alot of courage to do what you did. Most people kiss their life goodbye by staying out of fear. You are a success story. =)

  2. Thank you for that post. Yes, it’s personal. That’s it power, isn’t it? You’ve just helped and inspired someone out there, I’m sure.

    I’ve just forwarded this to a very dear friend. She’s pondering your post and, as she IM-ed me, is inching closer to the same decision despite her fear of loss of income.

  3. you rule, brett. :)

  4. I enjoyed this post — especially because of your sincerity. American Beauty just jumped to the topic of my Netflix queue.

  5. I know exactly where you’re coming from. That movie caught me at just the right part of my life, changed my entire perspective. I was coming out of a bad situation, lost, angry and confused. I went to a theater in Boulder, CO to see a movie a movie about people who were in a bad situation, lost, angry, and confused. When the lights came up after the final credits, I sat there for what felt like an hour, until they finally kicked me out. It was a revelation, my entire perspective was changed overnight. I let it go, started worrying less about everyone else’s impressions, started paying more attention to my impression of myself. “I feel like I’ve been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I’m just now waking up.”

    “I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…”

    It never ceases to amaze me how some things in this world just hit you at that month, that day, that moment, that experience, and shake you out of the daze. For some it’s a movie, for others a book, art, another person, all things opening you back up after a period of shuttering.

    Beautiful post Brett, couldn’t have said it better myself.

  6. I had a terrible job around the same time. You post brought back some bad memories. Very powerful stuff.

  7. Thanks for sharing that, Brett. I like reading more personal posts like this one, and I know first-hand how difficult they can be to compose.

    American Beauty is also one of my favorite films, and I love it when a certain message reaches us at exactly the right time, whether it be a film, a book, or even “just” a quotation.

  8. This post makes me want to see American Beauty.

  9. When a movie, book or even a song can have a deep impact on your life like that it is like magic. Great post.

  10. I’m currently reading The Dip, which is enlightening, but your personal experience speaks much more to me. Thanks for sharing this post.

  11. wow i came across this by chance and I’m glad i did what you wrote is moving and so well written. maybe you should be a writer .. thanx

  12. Wow – that movie is crazy. I’ll tell you though – walking away from a job that churns your stomach had to be a feeling of awesome relief.

  13. lizzybennet says:

    it was nice reading ur experience… i watched the movie few years back when it came on a movie channel n i was too young to really grasp it.. this is what meant at that time to me.. i felt people really go overboard with the whole ‘normal’ thing.. why are you not normal? why dont you behave normally or react normally? the fact is everyone is so gungho about keeping up the pretence of normalcy they really more damage than whatever ur conflict is.. like the dinner time conversation scene.. only inreal life it plays under different backgrounds.
    also the one thing that remained with me even today is that plastic bag floating … life seems as random ( esp if u think abt it in context of a third world railway station..) i liked the movie… it leaves with unsettling feelings

  14. Heavy stuff-glad you followed your heart and it seems to have worked out for you. FTW!

  15. What a wonderful post. Sounds like I was reading the story of my own life. You did a very courageous thing to walk away from respected job in a well-known company without another job at hand. But you did the right thing. Your post is inspirational for others trapped in the same situation to do the same thing. nI'm in a job I hate but which pays quite well, and is in a very specialized niche so if I quit I'm almost guaranteed not to find a job in the same field and I'll probably end up working at Walmart or someplace. But I'm really miserable where I am now. I really want to quit and just take like 6-10 months off doing some travelling or hiking. I have a years worth of money saved so I won't be immediately starving or anything like that. But what do I do afterwards? Damned if you do damned if you dont. I work ridiculously long hours, worry about getting laid off all the time, get little or no appreciation. This job is eating me alive but what else can I do. Feel like a trapped slave.

  16. Thats a small of the movie.Good write though,and glad you came to decision of leaving.Toxic work environments are toxic all around ones life.I dealt with that at Home Depot as a department supervisor.My fav movie is American Beauty as well,as my life relates to the story line even more so than yours.

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