When a plain toothpaste will not do

Have you noticed how companies are segmenting products you never thought possible? Take Crest Toothpaste for example. Gone are the days of merely choosing between a regular “paste” or “gel”. Crest now has 13 different categories of toothpaste! And within each category you’ll find another half dozen or more varieties tailored to your family’s toothpaste needs. Say, for instance, you’ve spent the last 15 minutes at your neighborhood Target narrowing down your choices to the “whitening” category. Now the fun starts. Crest has the following “whitening” varieties of toothpaste:

• Vivid White
• Whitening Plus Scope
• Dual Action Whitening
• Tarter Protection Whitening
• Whitening Expressions
• Rejuvenating Effects
• Extra Whitening
• Multi-Care Whitening

What is going on here? Maybe Crest has done such extensive market research that they can segment the toothpaste customer into dozens of absurd categories. The choices are downright overwhelming. I usually just chose whatever toothpaste is on sale and call it a day. I don’t think we are far from the day where Crest will have toothpaste genetically engineered for just my family, and they will ship it to me directly. They will call it “Crest: Never Whiter Nordquist”.

I stopped by Albertsons on the way into work this morning to pickup some nasal drops. I figured I’d be in and out. I was wrong. I found the Afrin Nasal Spray, but then got bogged down selecting which variety was right for me. Do I need Original formula, Severe Congestion, Extra Moisturizing or Sinus? I felt compelled to see a doctor before making this purchase. What would happen if I chose the wrong one? I decided on the Original formula because last time I went with Sinus and it felt like I was shooting hot sauce up my nose.