Update: I wrote this post as a joke. I am not a Zelda fanatic although I’ve spent many hours playing the various Zelda games. If you can’t see the humor then please move on. All degrading comments will be deleted. Check out the comments section for some responses from people who take their Zelda very seriously which is cool. All comments are moderated so if your post is full of venom it just goes in the trash. Please keep in mind the title of my post….”The Worst Link Costumes of All Time”. You do understand that Zelda is a fictional character, right? I appreciate the few who took the time to explain cosplay to me. I’m not making fun of that in any manner. Read a few other posts I’ve written before calling me an idiot. I certainly didn’t set out to offend anyone.
My 4-year old son loves to play the Zelda games from Nintendo. He has a hard remembering to tie his shoes but ask him about any area or weapon or secret treasure chest stash in a Zelda game and he’s all over it. So for this past Halloween, Kim and I thought it would be fun to find a Zelda costume for him to wear. We both searched online and what I mostly found were bad costumes that made me laugh.
Here are the worst Link costumes I found:
Toothpick Link – Forget taking on Ganondorf and his armies of baddies, Link would have trouble cutting down limp grass with such a lame sword. Did this guy blow his entire wad of cash on those fancy tights leaving only enough money in the budget to pickup a sword at All a Dollar?
Wicked Stepsister Link – No need for a sword or even a slingshot because this Link will scare away even the fiercest of enemies. Is that a name badge hanging off her tunic that’s covering a mosquito net? Whatever the case she’s just about to sling a Deku nut your way. Heads up!
Lackluster Link – I just get the felling this Link isn’t very committed to the adventure on which he’s about to embark. Maybe it’s the look on his face or the price tag dangling off the tunic, but this Link needs a pep talk by Navi or maybe even the Deku Tree if he’s to have any success bringing home the Triforce. For a second there I thought his arm was just very tan.
Tin Foil Link – The Hyrulian Shield is one of the best defensive weapons in the game. Sadly, this guy decided to forego the genuine article for a cheap homemade replica that couldn’t block a single Deku nut. Even Mario looks displeased. I can picture this poor Link’s mom balking at the price of a real Hyrulian shield and telling her son, “Don’t worry, I’ve got all the supplies to build you an even better model!” There’s an area in Ocarina of Time where Link must deflect three Deku nuts in the right order. Sadly, they would break right through this guy’s shield.
Eddie Bauer Link – This guys is the polar opposite of Tin Foil Link. His mom probably felt the authentic costume wasn’t rare enough so she mixed a bunch of Eddie Bauer clothing together to create this monstrosity. For starters, it appears his tunic began life as a long sleeve sweater until its arms were ripped off to create the cap. Link should be wearing a white shirt underneath his tunic, not brown. And what on earth sprouted from that sword? I’m pretty sure I own that very same belt I found at Banana Republic in 1994.
Aqua Link – Two problems here: first isn’t this Link a little old to be taking the game so seriously? Just look at that pose. And second, isn’t green the preferred color when putting together a Link costume? I don’t remember Link sporting anything of the blue variety, do you? Also, it looks like he’s wearing 3 or more belts around his body.
I Love the 80’s Link – The only thing more disturbing than this Link’s leggings, is the bikini-clad Princess Zelda. I’ve played most of the Zelda games and I don’t recall coming upon a Zelda with big boobs and hair that reached the floor. If the leggings weren’t a dead giveaway this was the 80’s version then the Vans he’s sporting should do the trick.
Elfin Link – This guy’s shield and sword are first rate! But those ears have gotta go along with the cheat sheet he’s carrying. Maybe it’s an IGN walk-through? That shield is just killer though.
Androgynous Link – This Link appears to be coming under attack from some trench coat villain in Reeboks. That wig is of such high quality that I can’t tell if I’m looking at a male or female here. Either way, that plastic bag just isn’t going to cut it as a bomb bag for the adventurous Link.
The Vogue Link – How much time do you think his dude put into his Link costume? Check out that shield with leather handles. Or that leather breast plate sewn together with small leather patches. I wouldn’t be surprised if this costume was his eagle project. The one major problem with this ensemble is the scarf which looks foolishly out of place. Was it cold out and his mom made him roll with that thing before heading out to trick or treat?
Pretty Princess Zelda – I saved this one for last because this Link and Zelda combo is just scary. Would you invite this lovely couple over to your house to party? I don’t think so.