Calling the Tootsie Pop Hotline

As I sat at my desk licking a Tootsie Pop a few questions sprang to mind. I jotted them down and decided to call the Tootsie Pop hotline on my lunch break. But before I called, I checked the online FAQ at the Tootsie company website to ensure I didn’t ask a question that had been answered in the FAQ such as, “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?”

How unoriginal.  

I dialed and was connected to an operator who quickly transferred me to sales when I explained to her I had a few questions concerning the Tootsie Pop. Sales then transferred me to Customer Relations. I spoke with a very kind woman who answered the following questions:

Customer Rep: So I’m told you have questions about our Tootsie Pops.

Me: That’s right. I won’t take much of your time.

Customer Rep: What are you questions?

Me: Can you tell me what the recommended daily dosage of Tootsie Pops is?

Customer Rep: We don’t make any recommendations. It’s at the parents discretion. Some parents may say one Tootsie Pop is enough while others may allow more. 

Me: What if the Tootsie Pops are for me and I’m trying to figure out the maximum number I can safely eat each day?

Customer Rep: I’m not able to give you an exact number, but you should stop eating them if you feel sick.

Me: What is your most popular flavor?

Customer Rep: Our customers tell us cherry.

Me: Have you considered putting a vanilla Tootsie Roll in a chocolate pop to create a hot fudge sundae flavored one?

Customer Rep: We are continually testing new flavor combinations.

Me: If I were to bite into a Tootsie Pop before realizing there was no Tootsie Roll center, would I be eligible for a refund?

Customer Rep: That seldom happens. But if it did, we could send you a voucher for a free replacement.

Me: That sounds fair. I was looking at one of the wrappers today and realized it’s in dire need of an update. It depicts children taking part in activities most no longer do anymore such as playing marbles, ice skating and riding go-carts.

Customer Rep: What is your question?

Me: I just wonder if the wrappers should be updated to depict those activities kids are involved in today. For example, you could show a couple of boys jamming to Guitar Hero. Or how about a kid checking his MySpace page? My kids love to kick back on the couch and play Nintendo DS.

Customer Rep: I don’t see us changing from the current design although you have several good ideas there.

Me: Do you sponsor a Tootsie Pop fan club?

Customer Rep: No we don’t, but you’ll find a lot of interest in our products on the internet.

Me: Is there anything else exciting happening in Tootsie land I should be aware of?

Customer Rep: We are running several promotions along with a sweepstakes giveaway which you can enter by visiting our website.

Me: Thank you for your time. You’ve been most kind.

Customer Rep: Thank you for calling today.