On My Mind

The skies of Seattle stubbornly opened up and allowed a few hours of sun to shine down on us today. We’ve been waiting for signs of spring when the kids can go outside without tracking a dump truck full of dirt inside our home.

After a morning of basketball my legs were wobbly, my body ached, and my mind was everywhere yet nowhere. Do you recall a time when you were day dreaming yet couldn’t remember a single topic or idea afterwards?

That’s how I felt today as I pulled through Wendy’s with a large Diet Coke in hand. I noticed the blue sky and decided to pull over and enjoy a few minutes of solitude. I turned off my iPhone and the radio. Only the sun roof was open, and my scalp was already warm from the sun beating down on it.

At home was Kim who had been watching our four children for several hours. Well, watching certainly doesn’t do justice to the energy and patience it takes to care for young children. She would have made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, made beds, done laundry and got dressed while our one year old scattered measuring cups, cereal, laundry, and pots around the house.

Still I sat there in my car enjoying a few minutes minus the kids. It’s been a few years since I’ve had time to myself. When I first moved to Seattle I liked to drive across the floating bridges that connect Seattle to Mercer Island and Bellevue. Late night was the best time because I would open the moon roof and enjoy the cool breeze and star spotted dark skies on clear nights.

Maybe it’s the news. Or the economy. Or the job. Where is this country headed and what does the future hold for my children? Will I have a job a year from now? If I don’t, what will I do to support my family? Is Seattle where we should continue to live?

This is the most unsettled I’ve felt in my life. Yet it comes at a time when I feel we should be putting down roots which provides that stability for our children. I grew up in one city, in one house while my dad worked the same job for over 30 years. Is that how it’s supposed to be done?

I don’t know.

I flipped the ignition key and my quiet few minutes were history as I headed back home up the twisty roads of Lea Hill. I took the long away around the hill. I turned onto our street and drove to the end before pressing the button that opened the garage door to our humble yellow home.

As I was getting out of the car, Luca appeared. She stood there waiting for me to come around the car where she could give me a hug.

“But I just finished playing basketball and my hair is still wet”

“I don’t care, Dad. I missed you”

I should have taken the short cut.

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2 thoughts on “On My Mind

  1. Man, that’s a win either way. The truth is man was meant to have some solitude. That’s why there’s a word for it. 🙂

    Being off from work for an extended period right now, I’ve had a chance to experience real solitude. Not that cheap 5 minutes away or evening off, but actual whole days with just myself. Man, very refreshing.

    Not something I’d want forever, but to have time to really just absorb and be one between you and the universe is a wonderful opportunity. Men used to do that before we became so ‘civilized’.

    Enjoy your family, but make time for yourself. Take a day away. Get up early. Leave and don’t come back till the kids are in bed.


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