I’ve worked for a number of companies ranging from startups to large companies with over 50,000 employees. If I’ve learned anything it’s this: The larger the company you work for, the more time you’ll spend in life sucking meetings.

When I worked for the Microsoft Office group, we’d have weekly meetings that included 40+ attendees. Even the smallest issues were debated ad nauseam until only the least risky ideas were given the green light. There’s just no way 40 people can agree on anything remotely daring or uncharted. I’m not exaggerating when I say some weeks included 25 hours worth of meetings. It was the most boring, least productive period of my career. 

The worst type of meetings are recurring ones. These are scheduled and attended by those who have nothing to do except plan and attend meetings. Nothing gets done because any decision can be pushed off to next week’s scheduled meeting. It’s one, big, ongoing productivity suck. Avoid these like Vista the plague. If you can’t outright avoid them then schedule real work on top of them. Go visit your best client. Go visit a client who recently chose a competitor. It doesn’t matter what you do because even if you drive around the parking lot thinking of ways to improve your fantasy football team, it will be a better use of your time than spending it in a meeting that’s been on your calendar since the last Haley’s comet.

The next time you receive a meeting request in your inbox, consider declining it. I’m convinced that, like jury duty, participation leads to more invitations  Decline a few and you might find yourself left off the next invite. This is EXACTLY what you want. Spend this time doing real work and you’ll be that much further ahead.

If you must attend a meeting, try to weed out those people who are just tagging along for the ride to avoid real work. Many of these people have nothing better to do than toss out phantom issues. They live to kill good ideas. They start every sentence with, “Yes, but I have some concerns with….” Basically, they like to hear themselves speak. Tell these people that you’ll take notes while they stay behind shopping on eBay. The fewer people in the meeting, the better chance you have of making it productive for everyone. 

Never show up early for a meeting. You’re better off timing your entrance as close to the start time as possible. That way, you can make a quick drive-by and see if there are more than five people in the meeting. If you spot more than five keep on walking. A meeting with more than about five people is a waste of time. It will be very tough to gain consensus with more than five.

One of the best meetings I attended began with the meeting organizer going around the room asking everyone to state why they were there and what they hoped to gain. If someone didn’t have a reason beyond, “I dunno, I was just invited” he sent them out of the room. Our meeting of 15 was quickly whittled down to 4. That was 8 years ago and I still remember what we discussed. Can you say that about any meeting you’ve had this week?

A guy named Sean Aiken is working 52 different jobs in 52 weeks. He’s doing this in order to figure out what he wants to do with his life. Any money he earns he donates to charity. So far he’s been a vet, florist, DJ, tattoo assistant, framer, and cancer fundraiser among others.

Wow, finally I’ve come across someone who’s had more jobs than I have! This is a really cool idea.

It’s a dog eat dog world when it comes to putting together a decent set of computer and office gear at work. Most equipment is handed down from one employee to the next. When one employee leaves there’s always a vulture or two swooping in to grab the new flat panel or faster computer. I once used 3 phone books to prop up my monitor until I was able to snag a real monitor stand. It’s Darwinism at work: Only the strong survive.

Over the years, I’ve learned diplomacy also has its advantages. One of the first things I did when I started my latest job I was to find someone in inventory who had access to the good speakers. I didn’t want the crappy sounding desktop cheapos. I wanted a nice set with subwoofer. I was able to round up a decent set of Harmon Kardons. I then went to work securing a decent flat panel monitor so I would have two monitors including my laptop screen. I learned that it pays to be VERY KIND to the person with key to inventory

I was also able to find a decent HP LaserJet printer, bookcase, white board and two padded chairs. I bought my own red, “Office Space” approved stapler which is a must have item in the office. I finally got around to paying Fred Meyer a visit to find some fake flowers and a basket full of grass to give my office a little color.

I hung a few pictures of the kids and placed several frames around the office. Kim will tell you that I’m a minimalist when it comes to decor and that’s a good way to describe my office. It’s not fancy by any means, but it works. I even have the requisite Krusty the Clown action figure on my bookcase. Sorry, no Star Wars or Star Trek LEGO space ships though.

I watched the mandatory HR videos at work today. You know the ones I’m talking about. They range from sexual harassment to diversity to proper ergonomics.

And they are unintentionally funny.

Here’s an actual question from one of the exams:

Which is not a good practice when sitting at the computer:

A. Tilting head up
B. Bend knees at 90 degree angle
C. Feet dangling just above floor
D. Keeping back straight

If you answered C you’re on your way to practicing proper ergonomics in the workplace. Congrats!

The acting reminds me of something you’d see on one of the public access channel late at night. What makes them funny is that the topics are so serious but the acting is so bad that it’s like watching a Jr. High play go terribly wrong.

The company I worked for right out of college took a different approach. They hired people with the expertise to come in and teach us in person. We could ask questions and interact with the instructor. I found this far more valuable than watching a video that made the actors on Baywatch looks like Emmy winners.

I’ve come up with a simple test that helps me determine whether or not I really like my job. It’s so simplistic that most people will reject it immediately. But I’ve found that it works for me.

On a Sunday evening after enjoying a couple of days off work I ask myself this question:

“Am I excited, indifferent or depressed about going into work tomorrow?”

If I’m excited I’m in the right job.

If I’m indifferent, I might have other things on my mind, but it’s a red flag.

If I’m depressed, I should find another job immediately.

Have you ever worked for a company that wouldn’t provide the software you needed to do your job? Most companies I’ve worked for were either very good at providing the software I needed or very good at looking the other direction as employees brought software from home. One company forced us all to use Lotus Notes which was painful.

Most of the software I want on my work computer is available for download for free. But there are times when I wish I had Photoshop installed. I guess Microsoft Digital Image Suite will have to suffice for the time being.

Every so often Fortune Magazine or Business Week will run an article about jobs that are being phased out due to technological advances. As I read through the list I wonder to myself if my job will show up on the list one day.

But if this past week is any indication, I don’t have much to worry about as computers are still a huge pain in the butt to use for many tasks.

Take the performance review process. Years ago when I needed to give a review I would print out a template and write the review. After meeting with the employee, I’d make three copies and give one to the employee, file one away and send one to HR.

Over time, the review template was put into Microsoft Word and I’d type out the review instead of writing it. Small changes were made but the process stayed essentially the same.

Fast forward to last week as I try to get a head start on writing a half dozen reviews. I assumed the process had been streamlined even more, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Here’s the steps I’ve gone through over the past week in order to gain access to our company’s HR application where I must start the review process:

1. Wait for company to enable my email
2. Wait for company to grant access to intranet
3. Wait for company to grant access to HR application
4. Download Citrix stuff along with a bunch of other stuff
5. Do a web chat with support to get the stuff I downloaded working properly
6. When that doesn’t work, make a few phone calls to see why things still aren’t working
7. After 2 weeks, still no access to area where I can start writing the reviews….

Even once I have access to all the areas I need to write the review I wonder how easy it will be to write, update and print out. This is an example of a process that technology has made much more complicated than it needs to be. I long for the days of the simple review process.

This is just one example of how technology can complicate our lives. A similar thing happened a while back when I tried to order checks online from my credit union. What used to take 5 minutes over the phone turned out to take nearly an hour of frustration.

That’s why I am so loyal to products that take the hassle out of life. A few of these devices are my iPod Video, Nikon D40, and Treo 650.