I Do Not Like Costco

I don’t like Costco. There, I said it. Admitting I don’t like Costco is like saying I don’t like the Pope or Dr. Phil in some circles. I’m convinced the only people who enjoy shopping at Costco meet the following two criteria:

Their time is worth nothing

They relish the “adventure” of shopping

See, shopping at Costco isn’t just swinging by your favorite grocery store on the way home from work to pickup a couple of items you know exactly where to find and which haven’t swapped places with unrelated items the week before. People set aside a large chunk of their day to visit Costco. Preferably an entire afternoon if you plan to find anything of value.

Walking into a Costco is like walking into a new store each time. One week you’re greeted with iPods and Michelin tires. The next week it’s ceiling fans and gas powered scooters. And that’s my main beef with Costco. I never know where to find anything because they are constantly swapping locations. A few years ago I was looking to purchase a lawn mower. A friend suggested I check Costco. After the 10 minute hike in from the parking lot, I finally tracked down a Costco employee which is a massive undertaking in and of itself. I asked the guy where I would find the lawn mowers. His response: “We might still have a couple left but I don’t know where they are. Look near the back freezers” Can you imagine receiving that answer at any store other than Costco?

Another problem with Costco is that few areas are marked with signs. If you’re a first time visitor and think you have a chance in hell finding the contact solution on your lunch break, you’re one sorry soul. Items also seem to come and go on a whim. One month you’re practically tackled by the massive Xbox display. The next month you’re lucky to find Xbox games that are two years old. There is no consistency to the items they carry.

I’ve been told that some people love the adventure of shopping at Costco. It’s a veritable treasure hunt for these people as they lurk around each isle hoping to discover an irresistible bargain on 5 gallons of soy sauce or that plastic bird feeder they had no idea they needed. It’s just a given you’ll purchase something on your visit to Costco, and when you get it home you’ll say to yourself, “What in the world was I smoking?” Some people have also told me about their liberal return policy similar to that of Nordstrom. I guess this gives them a certain peace of mind. Peace of mind to me means being able to speak to a person working on the floor. It means not having to go down every single isle in search of Ranch Dressing. It means not holding up the line while drawing a smiley face on my receipt as I leave the store with my kids.  I especially enjoy going through the checkout line with two carts full of items only to be asked, “Would you like this boxed?” At this point I’m thinking, “Was I supposed to bring my own bags or should I just toss a bunch of loose items in the back of the Subaru?”

I have no idea why I continue to pay $45/year for this experience. Maybe it’s the adventure? Let me get back to you once I finish off my Snickers “48 Pack”.