I’ve never actually seen it happen. All I know is that IT IS HAPPENING. Each night, after everyone is asleep, a bottle of shampoo is hooking up with a tube of conditioner to produce a baby tube of facial scrub in Kim’s bathroom. This chemical mating ritual is taking place at such a rapid pace that it won’t be long before I’m shoved out to the shed with the weed whacker due to lack of space in our home.
Every week I ask Kim if she has any errands to run. She’ll toss out the regulars such as Fred Meyer, Costco and Target. Just as I’m about to walk away she’ll add, "Oh ya, I could use a trip to Nordstrom or Kiehl’s to get some (insert hair or skin product only a scientist could understand)" Given the cost of this stuff I’d rather she tell me she’s going to Louis Vuitton to check out the new line of steamer trunks.
This makes absolutely no sense to me because I go into her bathroom and there’s not a square inch of tub, counter or vanity space to hold any more product. If you were to walk into our home and see the number of tubes, bottles, jars, and vials in Kim’s bathroom you’d assume we were in the process of raising 23 daughters. Kim could wash her hair for a month and never use the same product twice.
A jar of something that isn’t facial soap
And I won’t even get into the number of conditioners taking up refuge in our home. But suffice it to say that we own a brand of conditioner that comes in a bottle, a tube and a jar. I’ve stopped using her shower because the hot water runs out before I’m able to determine what shampoo to use. One time I jumped in the shower, grabbed a tube of liquid soap and started rubbing it all over my face. My face started to feel more "silky soft" than clean when I realized I’d just deep cleaned by face with something called "Biolage Conditioning Balm". For hair. The rest of the day it felt like I’d been given a facial using a thin layer of Turtle Wax.
So if you plan to visit us this summer be prepared for the deluge of products you’ll encounter in the shower.
And don’t forget to bring along a periodic table of the elements. You’ll need it.