The Amazing Letter Opener

I first read about this the warning label for the Staples brand letter opener in  Consumer Reports and it still makes me laugh.

“The clean and quick choice” makes this model sound like the ideal choice for those who can’t wait to get through their snail mail. That is until you get to the the list of cautions which include the following:

Blades are extremely sharp – sounds reasonable for a tool that’s basically a veryimage thin knife. Although “extremely” sharp sounds like a….razorblade?

Keep out of reach of children –  my kids have played with worse, but this is sensible advice.

Safety goggles recommended – Say what? It’s not exactly the “quick choice” if I have to locate my SAFETY GOGGLES every time a letter arrives. I’m sure an Staple’s attorney made them add this because some idiot stabbed himself in the eye while opening his tax return.