What Kids Hear

I said, “Please pickup your shoes and put them in your closet”

Anna heard, “Please pickup shoes and toss down the laundry chute”

I said, “Find you sister and come upstairs for dinner”

Lincoln heard, “Find three more stars in Mario Galaxy”

I said, “Please drain the tub and dry yourself off”

The kids heard, “Please splash 20 gallons of water onto the bathroom floor and run around the house naked”

I said, “Please pull out your homework and finish your math”

Luca heard, “Please help yourself to bowl of Cheerios 30 minutes after dinner”

I said, “It’s time for bed”

The kids heard, “It’s time to jump on mom and dad’s bed”

I said, “Please feed the dog”

Anna heard, “Please feed your grilled cheese sandwich to the dog”

I said, “Wear the clothing mom put out for you on your bed”

Anna heard, “Put together the most hideous looking outfit known to mankind”

I said, “Please only use as much toilet paper as you need”

The kids heard, “Please use no less than 185 sheets at a time”

I said, “Please hang up your church dress”

Luca heard, “Please toss your church dress in the middle of the living room”

I said, “Walk as quietly as you can down the church hallway”

The kids heard, “Stomp your feet loud enough that everyone will know we have arrived”

We must speak a different language. Maybe when they reach middle school they’ll have the opportunity to learn the language called Parental English.

Because something is getting lost in translation.