Three Dream Jobs

One can’t turn around without reading or hearing about the sad state of our economy. CNN says car dealerships are empty. MSBNBC reports unemployment rates we haven’t seen in decades. Every week another big company announces more layoffs. The economy is the hot topic around the company water cooler. I take that back. It’s the only topic.

That is unless your company decided to save a few bucks and remove the cooler altogether.

For the first time in my career I’ve began to think about what I would do if I lost my job. At this point my job appears secure but one never knows for certain. I’ve been part of two companies that folded during the dot com bust so it’s understandable I’ve started to give this topic some thought.

Maybe I’m overreacting but it never hurts to think about life after the current job. So I’ve come up with a few jobs I’d go after if mine hits the dead pool. I don’t recall considering any of these jobs right after graduating from the University of Utah. In fact, I didn’t realize any of them existed. It shouldn’t come as a surprised I was introduced to all three jobs while attending sporting events.

So here’s my list in no particular order.

1. Zamboni Driver – This might be the perfect job. Who wouldn’t want to drive a huge box on wheels on a sheet of ice while sitting up so high you’d barely notice if you ran over a hockey player from the opposing team. I went to a Seattle Thunderbirds hockey game last night and was struck at how casual the Zamboni driver took his job. He had that whole “one hand on the steering wheel” thing going on while barely looking down at the ice. I’ve never driven a vehicle with such a lackadaisical approach outside of the bumper cars at Lagoon. I don’t know what it takes to become a Zamboni driver, but I’d like to point out that I have a clean driving record. Where do I apply?

2. T-Shirt Air Cannon Operator – You’ll find this guy at basketball, football and hockey games launching shirts into the crowd….with a mini canon! You know the sound when you hear it. That sudden “PLOOP” just before shirts go flying into the stands. This job would be a blast but, I might be too competitive for it. If I found an annoying fan from the opposing team I’d be tempted to fire off a shirt at close range to an area of the body that could leave him sterilized. Based on the few times I’ve shot a gun, I’m not qualified for this job although accuracy may not be a requirement. In fact, a little inaccuracy could add to the unpredictable excitement of the halftime show.

3. RC Mini Blimp Pilot – Probably my favorite of the lot. I first saw the mini blimp at a Utah Jazz game about 10 years ago. Some guy stands near the tunnel and pilots this awesome blimp around the arena. It’s not uncommon for the blimp to carry around gift certificates or cash which is drops into the frenzied crowd. Again, I’m concerned about my competitive nature and the urge to drop water balloons onto a crowd of rowdy fans from the opposing team. There’s something hypnotic about a blimp. Maybe it’s the leisurely pace of travel or stealth and nearly silent propulsion mechanism they employ. Based on the couple of times I’ve raced RC cars around our cul-de-sac, I’m probably not the guy you want making an emergency landing in the Hudson, but I’m fairly certain I could become a decent blimp pilot with some training. And since the Seattle Sonics moved to a city that shall not be named, I’ll bet Key Arena is available for test flights on the weekends. Where do I take the drug test?  

A Craigslist and Monster search for these jobs does not locate a single opening. So if you happen to come across any of them, you know where to find me.

Zamboni picture courtesy of Digiart2001