The Missing Six Years

Just over 14 years ago I moved from Salt Lake City to Seattle.

And just over 13 years ago my marriage went up in smoke. Poof.

Six years of marriage brought to an end with a few papers, a few signatures and a few hundred dollars.

I’ve never written a single paragraph about those six years. It’s as if Agent K from Men in Black showed up with his "neutralizer" pen and wiped the years, 1990-1995, from my mind.

Yet it’s never that easy. Even though people with good intentions act as if those years never existed. But I don’t blame them because I’ve tried to forget those years too on many occasions.

Time heals most wounds. Over time most of my anger turned to reflection. I learned to trust again. I gained friends whom I’d lost. Most importantly, I learned to love again. Never underestimate the sheer strength of the human heart.

But it did take time. For years I felt isolated and lonely. Divorce isn’t a topic one brings up among friends watching SportsCenter. It’s a "black cloud" topic. It was difficult to admit that I had failed at the very decision I’d been taught was the most important one I’d ever make.

But somehow I bounced back.

In hindsight, it was a blessing that I lived 900 miles from family during this time. I didn’t have friends or family to feel sorry for me and say everything would be fine. I had to pick myself up and get on with my life. That’s a valuable skill.

Six years.

They are a part of my life. They include moving to Seattle and working for some of the largest technology companies. They include meeting many of my best friends. And they put me in a position where I was lucky enough to meet Whim.

Yes, they include many memories I’d prefer to forget. But with the bad comes good. Even when it’s hard to find under a pile of mixed emotions.

That’s how life works.

I no longer look back at those years as a miserable slice of life I’d soon forget. It was a time of growth, pain, learning, and humility.

All of which are worth keeping.

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9 thoughts on “The Missing Six Years

  1. I can’t imagine how difficult those six years would have been for a young man with broken dreams. I’m so grateful you were ready for Whim when you two met.

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  2. good article. to the point, not overdone. my favorite line:

    “It was difficult to admit that I had failed at the very decision I’d been taught was the most important one I’d ever make.”

    life can be like that.

    oh, I liked the bouncing back part, too.

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  3. I am so blessed that circumstances brought us together despite our age difference and that we lived so far apart. I can’t say I am happy for any pain and suffering you went through, but I can’t help but feel things had to happen the way they did for both of us for us to find each other.

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  4. Wow, thank you for sharing this with us. It’s strange how we tuck away those painful periods until we’re ready to reflect on them and the lessons learned. I am glad that you healed, grew, learned and found love again.

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  5. Very interesting – in my case I could not block out 22 years. There were good times & bad times. In the end it worked out for the best.

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  6. Thanks for sharing this analysis….I’m glad to hear that yours is a happy ending…..I am in the midst of mine but I know it will all be just fine…my faith is sufficient for each and every part of this part of my life….so long as i remember to work on it.

    Faith without works is dead. I’m happy to read you walked the painful but essential path!

    Debs

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  7. “It was difficult to admit that I had failed at the very decision I’d been taught was the most important one I’d ever make.”I really like that. Thanks for wording it so simply and concisely…I've tried finding a way to describe this exact thing, but fail every time. [Granted, I didn't actually go through with the marriage I had in the works, but the general feeling is the same.] Thank you!

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