A Performance Review for Fathers?

Once a year I meet with my boss who critiques my performance for the past year. He tells me what he expects from me going forward and I try to answer his questions in a manner that leads to earning a raise. Maybe I’m asked to set a few goals to keep HR happy, but it’s all standard corporate procedure. I then go back to work for another year before the process repeats itself. animal-cracker

I wonder if I should be held similarly responsible for my  kids and my role as their father? Where’s the annual performance review for fathers? If I make a bad hire at work I’m held responsible. Yet if I feed my kids pink and white animal cookies and Diet Coke for breakfast there’s nobody there ready to assess my decisions. 

It’s as if the title of Dad was too easy to come by or someone had a quota to meet. I’m quite certain I didn’t perform at such a high level as the Single Selfish Guy to deserve a promotion to Father in Training. Yet I wonder what my performance review would look like if I were given one as a father last year. I suspect it might look like this:


  • Makes decent microwave popcorn
  • Extends bedtime when mom’s out of town
  • Tells scary bedtime stories


  • Fills bathtub too deep or too hot
  • Watches “World Wildest Police Chases” with kids
  • Encourages son to do Cornholio impression

Overall Assessment: His heart is in the right place but he comes up short often in areas such as cooking, TV supervision and nutrition. We may have promoted him too soon. Only time will tell, but he has a lot to learn. We’ll monitor him closely this summer especially in the areas of visits to the library and appropriate attire selection for church.

One thought on “A Performance Review for Fathers?

  1. Nice post, Brett. Funny thing … just the other day I told Lynn we needed to assess how we were doing … take a base line on critical issues and assess every 3 months and see if we move forward or backwards on some of the things we want to improve … sort of like job reviews. I wasn’t thinking about how we did as grandparents, though … I hope we’d be rather high in that assessment since it’s our favorite role!


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