I didn’t know that Seth Godin had released a new book called “Linchpin: Are You Indispensible?” until I read his blog this morning. I found it on Amazon but am going to wait until it comes to iTunes as an audiobook.

While browsing the Huffington Post tonight I came across an article Godin wrote called “Is Control the Answer”.  A few passages struck a chord:

I don’t think it’s an accident that corporations and governments have similar structures.

CEOs are a lot like kings and presidents. They’ve got power and perks and deniability. They order people around, pretend to be infallible and are apparently hired to think big thoughts…

But in business, we’re seeing a divergence. Quite suddenly, markets and systems are changing so fast that top down control isn’t the asset it used to be.

…if your business deals in ideas, control will stifle them. If your organization deals with the public, control will inevitably alienate your best customers.

Power in a world without control doesn’t happen just because you’re elected or appointed or have a great title. Now, power comes from connection and leadership and respect. The way you treat people (all of them, even those without apparent authority) comes back to you again and again, which means that our new leaders embrace dignity and respect instead of the traditional trappings of top down organizations.

I especially enjoyed the part about how leadership is gained through respect and how you treat people. Not just in good times but bad.

It’s human nature to route around those who attempt to control our freedom.

I’ve experienced this with my children. The minute I block off an area of the house, my two-year old sets off on a quest to gain access to that area.

As a teen, I had little interest in drinking Coke until my parents banned it from the house. Once I knew they didn’t approve, I bought one every day.

And when the IT head at a company I used to work for banned instant messaging, the tech savvy showed everyone (including marketing and sales) how to use Meebo.

Next time you exert control over someone, it may be useful to consider what reaction you’ve encouraged. Because the reaction might cause more damage than had you left control with the individual.

I need to remember this advice when dealing with those I manage and those I’m responsible for at home.

Which of the four brushes do I use?

Do I put water on the brush or leave it dry?

Do I use gel or hairspray?

These are the questions I ask myself as I run a comb through my daughter’s hair this morning.

We are supposed to meet Kim at church in fifteen minutes, and it takes me ten to catch Kai racing around the house.

When I say, “We are going to make it on time!” all I hear is laughter coming from the living room.

Yet, I don’t want to rush it.

Few parents will mention these moments to those considering starting a family. They will gush about watching their son hit for the cycle or their daughter’s perfect technique at the dance recital. No doubt, these are memorable accomplishments that make both child and parent proud.

But raising four children has taught me to appreciate the more mundane moments. Maybe it’s a survival technique.

I’m careful to grab hold of Anna’s hair as I comb through a few snarls. “Are you making me pretty, Dad?”, she asks.

I finished combing her bangs before lifting her up by the waist so she could see herself in the mirror.

She flipped her hair and smiled.

And answered her own question.

I hadn’t removed my jacket or set down my briefcase before Anna came bounding down the stairs. While nearly standing on my shoes, she pleaded with me to come see something she created.

“Let me get settled first,” I said.

I got settled just in time for Luca to call everyone upstairs for dinner. While we ate, Anna reminded me again she had something to show me.

“After I finish eating.”

I wasn’t trying to avoid Anna although I’m sure that’s how she felt because after dinner I ended up in the living room playing with Kai while Luca and Lincoln hit me over the head with a pillow.

“Dad, can I show you something now?”

“Just a minute.”

But a minute never came because there was laundry to fold, a dishes to clean and a two-year old to keep  from using the glue stick as lip balm.

It’s so easy to get distracted. One child needs attention while a dozen other small things get in the way. I tell myself I won’t get sucked down that hole of stuff that doesn’t matter. Yet I do. 

My mom used to say that kids talk when they want to talk. They seldom talk on your terms, and you never know when they will pull up a chair and dive into an honest discussion.

I should have remembered my mom’s words, but I continued to put off Anna under the assumption that, once things settled down, I’d be able to see what she wanted to show me.

The house did eventually settle down. But my mind was off in another direction, and I forgot about Anna’s request. While I sat at the computer this evening, she snuck up behind me with two papers in her hand.

My heart sank.

“Can you staple these papers for me?” she asked.

I noticed one of the papers was an entry to a coloring contest while the other was the artwork she wanted to show me all evening. I tried as best I could to show interest and give her my attention, but it was too late. She came to me to get the papers stapled not to show me the picture she colored.

It was late by the time Luca and Anna crawled into bed. I chatted with Luca before kissing her goodnight. By the time I kneeled down at Anna’s bed she was asleep. I kissed Anna on the forehead knowing I missed an opportunity to connect with her.

I won’t make the same mistake tomorrow.

Two of my favorite blogs are Seth Godin and Signal vs. Noise. They often share ideas that have helped me become a better manager.

Recently each of them covered topics which caught my attention.

Godin says the secret to creativity is curiosity. In regards to hiring he says:

Same thing is true for most of the people we hire. We’d like them to follow instructions, not ask questions, not question the status quo.

Yet, without "why?" there can be no, "here’s how to make it better."

It’s good to have worker bees. Every company needs them. People who show up at 8 and leave at 5 everyday. They do the job they are asked. Yet they are consistent and stable employees who complete tasks.

I once had a coworker who fit this description. She left at 5 pm no matter what was going on in the office. If she had to walk out in the middle of a meeting then so be it. She logged off email at 5pm and didn’t look at her inbox till 8 am the next morning. She also turned off her cell phone. She was vigilant in protecting her time outside of work.

She checked off all the boxes one would look for when hiring a new employee. Yet she possessed little passion for the industry or our products. She didn’t “ask why” because that answer was of no interest to her.  The job was a paycheck. Nothing more.

The flip side is the employee who challenges, asks why, and looks for ways to improve the company. In my experience, this is the more difficult employee to manage. But when done properly, the benefits outweigh the occasional hassle. This employee challenges the status quo. He’s full of ideas and isn’t bashful about sharing them. He wakes up 3 am with an idea and shoots off an email because he can’t wait until the next morning.

Some businesses need both types. But I know which one I’d rather manage. Especially if my business relies on innovation and creativity to grow.

The other post that caught my attention came from Matt at the 37 Signals blog. He writes about how some companies use control. He suggests that tighter controls may have unintended consequences:

But “control” is a tricky thing. The tighter the reins, the more you create an environment of distrust. An us vs. them mentality takes hold. And that’s when people start trying to game the system.

For the most part, the companies I’ve worked for were able to find the right balance. I worked for two small companies that provided no control which doesn’t work well either.

Matt goes on to quote Shunryu Suzuki:

The best way to control people is to encourage them to be mischievous. Then they will be in control in its wider sense. To give your sheep or cow a large, spacious meadow is the way to control him. So it is with people: first let them do what they want, and watch them. This is the best policy. To ignore them is not good; that is the worst policy. The second worst is trying to control them. The best one is to watch them, just to watch them, without trying to control them.

I’m constantly trying to balance control in regards to those I manage. One must have control over some aspects of work. Time reports and expenses come to mind. But work schedule and freedom to figure out the best way to solve problems are two items where relinquishing some control can bring substantial benefits.

Link to Seth Godin

Link to Signal vs. Noise

It wasn’t until Kim pulled out the driveway that I realized I’d left the stroller in the van. I thought about calling her, but she was excited to get to Seattle with Luca and Anna to watch the Nutcracker Ballet. Although I sent her off with the portable GPS, she gets nervous driving down the narrow downtown streets looking for a place to park. I didn’t want to detract from their night out.

“When will mom be home?”

That left me home with Lincoln and Kai. I figured it couldn’t be too difficult to take Kai to the mall without a stroller. I’ll hold his hand and he’ll walk beside me like the three older kids did when they were two years old. Lincoln can help me keep an eye on him. That was my plan.

And that’s exactly how it worked from the car to the mall entrance. I must have run five miles chasing that kid around from one display to the next over the next hour.

Lincoln went up one of the more difficult sides of the climbing wall, and could not stop smiling once he reached the top and punched the buzzer. I bought him a piece of pepperoni and pineapple pizza. Of course, he counted each pineapple piece before eating any.

“When will mom be home?”

Afterwards, he wanted a frozen yogurt. He filled his cup with chocolate and eggnog flavored frozen yogurt and topped it with chocolate chips and gummy bears. He told me it tasted especially good because he didn’t have to share with any sisters.

We arrived home to a cold house. Kim and the girls would be a few more hours. I put Kai to bed and asked Lincoln what he wanted to do.

“When will mom be home?”

“A couple of hours.”

“Can we watch Home Alone 2?”

I grabbed the biggest blanket I could find and sat next to Lincoln on the couch. He’s by far our most mellow child. He’s content to be with me and does not ask for much. About ten minutes into the movie he grabbed a pillow and said, “Can I put my head on your lap?”

“Of course”

I see a lot of myself in my son. He’s cautious around me in the same manner I was around my father at his age. Luca would have grabbed a pillow and jumped on my lap without asking. There’s a mutual comfort level. Lincoln is more deliberate. He’s respectful if a bit shy. Maybe a bit awkward. But sweet.

I watched my son more than the movie tonight. I watched him giggle, smile, and repeat his favorite Kevin McAllister quotes. I combed his wiry hair with my fingers and tickled his neck. More than once, I adjusted his glasses so they wouldn’t fall off his nose.

I waited for it. Surely he’d ask again. The movie was nearly over, and I was certain he’d want an update on mom’s whereabouts.

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t care if mom is late because I’m having so much fun tonight”

The story always starts with three guys who get themselves into a situation of imminent danger. Miraculously, a genie appears and grants each  a single wish. The first two wisely use their wish to get themselves to safety.

But the third guy? Well, he’s not very smart. He foolishly uses his wish as a means of entertainment.

I’m not sure why my kids like these stories so much. One night I didn’t feel like searching for a book to read them so I made up such a story on the spot. Now I’m asked to create a new story each night. That’s a lot of pressure, and I’m beginning to run out of dangerous situations. I’ve used floods, volcanoes, earthquakes, lions, snakes, fires, and hurricanes.

Yet nothing will ever match the shark.

See, these three guys went scuba diving, but were quickly  surrounded by a ferocious and very hungry shark.

“When was the last time the shark ate?” asks Lincoln.

“6 months. Maybe longer!”, I lie, hoping to convince the kids he’s one ravenous shark.

Suddenly, a genie appears out of thin air. Sensing the men are in danger, he grants each of them a wish. One guy wishes for a Jet Ski he rides to shore. Another is pulled to safety by a passing fishing boat.

But the third guy. He’s not very smart.

As the shark circles the third guy, the genie is perplexed when he asks for a large foam finger. Like the ones you see at college football games.

“That’s your wish?” asks the genie.

“Yep, one giant foam finger”

The genie grants his wish and a foam finger appears. As the genie disappears the shark races towards the guy. But at the last second, the guy pulls out the foam finger and pokes the shark in the eye. Embarrassed and sporting one incredibly bloodshot eyeball, the shark swims back to the ocean in search of easier prey.

Yep, this is how I spend my time with my kids. Maybe I should be at the park or the museum. Would they be better off if I read children’s classic literature to them? 

Maybe so.

But nothing beats the shark.