Baby Monitor Madness

Before our first child was born we made a trip to Babies-R-Us and were immediately handed a list of items all first time parents should have on hand. Curious how all the items were available at…Babies-R-Us. I’m surprised they didn’t have a wing dedicated to delivering babies right there in the store!

The list included at least 50 items yet Kim only trusted me to pick out two of them on my own: the thermometer and the baby monitor.

Selecting a thermometer was as simple as deciding whether to play $5 for an old fashioned one or $75 for a fancy digital model like the Braun we’ve seldom used. Of course even 5 bucks seems like a lot when the friendly employee tells you the baby’s mouth isn’t the ideal orifice to obtain an accurate reading. I didn’t ask for a demonstration. Just give me the one you stick in the ear and I’ll move on.

But the baby monitor was a different story. Had I understood what I was getting into I would have done everything I could to keep it out of our house including uncovering an obscure medical study pronouncing they often catch fire and burn homes to the ground. If I couldn’t find one, I would have created my own study.

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The perfect chew toy for your dog!

The first monitor we bought was an expensive Sony model. Like parents who rush out to purchase minivans in preparation for their first child, we made a number of bonehead purchases, and this was one of them. The only redeeming quality of the Sony was that it never quite worked properly.

What I didn’t realize at the time was these monitors are used to bring your child’s crying, yelling and screaming to all areas of your home. If you’re asking yourself, “why would I want that?” then we’re in the same boat. I was a rookie parent and it was ON THE LIST! Who was I to object?

Finally, Kim realized the Sony monitor wasn’t working correctly and decided to purchase another brand. Unfortunately, this set worked and my life has never been the same. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been working at my computer when suddenly this loud SHRIEKING CRY comes barreling through the speaker scaring me out of my chair. Imagine someone sneaking up behind you and then screaming directly into your ear. That’s pretty much how these suckers work.

My parents raised me just fine without any such device. Same goes for your parents and their parents. If I cried going to sleep, oh well. I’m certain our children will survive without this silly device.

Hey, I wonder if this new model is water proof? I’d better test it.

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Comments

  1. Awesome. My friend’s baby was letting out some of those random shrieking cries the other day, and I thought, “Do I really want to be a dad?”

    Of course, the answer was “well, yeah.”

  2. You need to tell the wife that they work like cell phones and could cause cancer. If that doesn’t work try burying it in the back yard and blame the dog.

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