When I first began jotting down my thoughts about 12 years ago, I wrote for one person: me. I didn’t give much thought to what I wrote about. On the rare occasion I was proud of a post, I’d tell Kim and she’d read it and encourage me to continue writing.

It wasn’t until 2004 when I wrote about walking away from a job that I realized a few people were following what I wrote. When a woman emailed to say that post had encouraged her to quit her job I wondered what I had done.

That’s when I began to consider why I continued to write. Those same thoughts have crept into my mind on a number of occasions.

Lately I’ve thought about how my writing may affect my children. I often write about the highs and lows of being a father, but I know they may not appreciate making those details public as they get older. I’ve begun to discuss that with them and will respect their decision even if it means I keep some experiences private. I suspect I often write about my children to avoid writing about my struggles in balancing a career with fatherhood.

Years later, I still don’t have a good answer when people ask why I write. I guess it doesn’t really matter.

I don’t want to be the type of father whose children rely on my writings in order to find out what I’m about because I wasn’t around.  I want them to know why there’s no sport quite like baseball or why Zelda: Ocarina of Time is better than most games on the market today.

When my parents found notes written by my grandmother after her death, it made me wish that I had gotten to know the part of her that came through in the letters.

I don’t want my children or grandchildren to say the same about me.

I met someone I knew from high school a few week ago. We shared experiences that have taken place over the 20+ years since we last spoke along with the usual, “Have you kept in contact with so and so?” questions.

We talked for a few more minutes. She showed me a picture of her family. I had left my iPhone, that contained a number of pictures, back at the office. So I said, “I have a few pictures of my kids posted on my blog” and gave her the URL.

“You write a blog?” she said. I could tell from her reaction that she was surprised. Maybe realizing how I might take that, she quickly added, “It’s just that…I only remember you being into sports”.

I didn’t take offense. Probably because this identical conversation has taken place at least a half dozen times over the past couple of years. And partially because most of my time in high school was focused on sports. That’s all I gave people to remember me by.

What few of my friends knew about me back then was that I enjoyed writing. I began keeping a journal at 14 years old and continued to jot down my thoughts until I returned from Germany. I returned from Germany having added over 300 pages to my journal during one of the busiest times of my life. I often wrote while sitting on trains crossing the German countryside or by flashlight late at night while trying not to wake my companion.

Over time, I became more confident in my writing skills. I purchased a thesaurus and spent hours looking up words I’d never spoke or written before. I fell in love with the Far Side comic and the way Gary Larson selected words that were intrinsically funny. The cartoon below is one of my favorites. The picture itself is goofy, but the word, ‘vigorously’, is what makes me laugh out loud each time I read it.

Comic writers have so little space in which to get their humor across that each word must be precise and carefully selected. Larson would be a pro at Twitter and texting.

I no longer have to pull out my thesaurus or dictionary. With the internet, almost every tool I need to write is a few keystrokes away. One of my favorite Google Chrome extensions is Google Dictionary which gives me the meaning of any word I double-click. I still reference an online Thesaurus when a word eludes me.

But nothing replaces sitting at my computer and writing. Don’t wait for the perfect topic to pop in your head. Just start writing and you’ll find that topics and themes will come to you more easily and more often than when you’re staring at your monitor. It doesn’t hurt to read books about good writing. This is my favorite such book I read this past year.

And the next time someone acts surprised when I tell them I write a blog, I’m going to saying, “I needed something to fall back on when the Yankees didn’t draft me”.

I need to get out more.

That’s the first thing that comes to mind after attending WordCamp Seattle today on the Adobe campus. I enjoyed meeting a number of bloggers in person as well as a handful of people I follow on Twitter like Veronica and Barb.

I can’t believe how many talented people I met today who are willing to share their experiences with our community.

Thanks to Josh for giving me the opportunity to speak. Kudos to Calvin, Bean, and Dan for putting on a successful event for several hundred attendees. And how about that rowdy crowd from Portland? Their enthusiasm was contagious.

I wish I could have attended all the sessions but I had to choose between several which overlapped. Chris Pirillo gave an entertaining keynote this morning. He spoke about how companies can’t just decide one day to create a community: “Evangelism is the ROI of social media”. Chris was a good choice for the morning keynote because he energy and enthusiasm is contagious. I was waiting for him to pull a Windows Mobile phone from the audience and step on it. He definitely loves his iPhone.

While I’m on the subject, I saw a few Blackberry phones here and there, but the iPhone dominates. I felt like I was swimming in a sea of iPhones all day.

Liz Strauss gave the closing keynote address this afternoon. She stressed how important it is to “own our identity”. She suggested everyone buy the domain of their name. Tonight I followed her suggestion and bought brettnordquist.com and kimnordquist.com for under ten bucks. Is your name still available?

Liz was one of the few speakers who talked about creating unique content. She said to stop trying to be someone else. Be yourself. Find your own style and run with it. Excellent advice.

I shared a breakout session with Maya Bisineer who gave a great talk on managing multiple blogs. She has an approachable style and is super smart. I’ve considered branching off my blog, and she provided a number of options to consider.

Here’s the text of my talk.

I told a friend who reads my blog that I was speaking at Wordcamp Seattle about dad blogging. He said, “But you don’t offer any giveaways. You don’t ask people to leave a comment and post a link to Twitter and Facebook for a chance to win a product you just reviewed”

But after a lot of research I’ve determined what constitutes a dad blog can be distilled down to the following: I’m a father. And I have a blog.

Does anyone read Pro Blogger or Copy Blogger? I read them both to find out what rules I’m breaking. I don’t care about keywords, I post late at night and on holidays. I don’t run Google Analytics nor do I sell my soul for more Google juice. Lots of people here today are skilled in those areas. I’m not so I’m going to focus on writing.

About 12 ago, I came across Dave Winer’s website. I had my own domain by that time and decided to start my own. I tried a number of open source products and finally settled on one called Greymatter, not because I loved the product, but because it was the only one I could get working with my limited knowledge of PHP.

Here’s how I spent my time on my blog the first few years:

If I wanted to make a change to the layout or add a feature, I had to write it myself. Over the next 5 years I felt like the college student who bought a beater Chevy Vega and spent most of his time keeping it running instead of attending class.

How do you spend your time on your blog today? Do you spend as much time tweaking your blog as you do writing?

Near the end of 2004, someone left a comment suggesting I check out a fledgling product called WordPress. 

It didn’t take long for me to realize that I’d finally found a blogging platform that allowed me to focus on my writing. Just over a year ago I posted the following to Twitter:

 

This is the main reason I use WordPress and suggest others use it: It allows me spend the majority of my time creating  content. Has anyone left this comment on your blog: “I visit your site each day just to see what new widget you’ve found?” I didn’t think so.

It’s your writing, your opinion, and the story you tell that compels people to return to your blog. They will connect with your writing, not your theme or plugins. You might have the best looking blog with all the popular plugins and widgets enabled. But if your content takes a back seat, you’re unlikely to find an audience.

When I began my blog, most articles I wrote focused on whatever was happening in technology at the time. At best I’ve offer a shallow opinion and at worst, I’d regurgitate the same content found on thousands of other blogs. What readers I had felt little attachment to my content, and why should they; I wasn’t attached to it myself.

A few years went by. I wrote whenever I felt like it which wasn’t often. I spent more time time explaining what a blog is than writing and considered closing my blog altogether.
 
One evening, I sat at my computer staring at my monitor. We’ve all been there before. I was frustrated with my blog. I was frustrated with my writing. What could I possibly write that others would enjoy? Was it possible to create something original? Something meaningful?

And that’s what it flipped. I asked myself, "Why am I perpetuating content found elsewhere? Why am spending so much time trying to figure out what others want me to write?

And at that moment I decided to stop writing for others and write myself. I know that sounds selfish. But I gave myself permission to write about my experiences, my opinions, and the people in my life. Even when those times collide and the results aren’t pretty. 

That night I wrote a post called "The Movie that Changed My Life". Here’s an example of what I wrote that night:

Each morning I’d arrive at work around 7:30 am. My office was on the third floor. I could take an elevator or the stairs. I slogged my way up those three flights of stairs as slowly as humanly possible. With each step my stomach would turn into a tighter knot. Step after grueling step. When I finally reached the top, I could almost puke. The hours at work felt like days. It was a living hell.

The post covered a period 10 years ago when I walked away from my job after seeing the movie, American Beauty. I was proud of some of my actions and embarrassed about others. But it was true. It was honest, and it was an experience I learned from that was specific to me.

Until then, I had steered clear of covering my work and my family. I certainly hadn’t called attention to my weaknesses or opened up in the manner I did with that post. I wanted to capture an experience that had an impact in my life. I wrote it for me. If anyone else enjoyed it, that was a bonus.

It was difficult to press “publish”. But back then I only had a few dozen readers. I assumed few would find it let alone care. When I woke up the next morning I found several supportive comments. It wasn’t until I opened my email and found over two dozen emails that I realized I’d finally found my voice.

All this finally leads to the topic Josh asked me to cover today: How Blogging Makes me a Better Father

Blogging makes me aware of how I spend my time. It makes me aware of how I react to situations, especially those that involve my children. Blogging allows me to take a snapshot of their life and capture it in words. It’s not difficult to write about mistakes I make as a parent because my kids do a good job of reminding me where I fall short.

Some dad and mom bloggers only share the good: the birthday party, the piano recital or graduation.

I’ll occasionally write about those time as well, but the posts I enjoy the most are those where I was late in picking up my daughter or overreacted to my son putting raisins in my DVD drive. I like to find the lessons in everyday activities.

At this conference we’ve heard many discussions about the mechanics of blogging: specific plugins or themes used to enhance your blog. These are certainly important. But they are not a substitute for good writing. As a new blogger it’s easy to get bogged down configuring, designing and tweaking while forgetting that it’s your writing that will keep readers returning to your blog.

Before I close I want to mention three of my favorite bloggers who write about fatherhood among other topics. I hope you’ll check them out because I’ve learned someone from each of them.

MetroDad – I wish I could write like this guy.

Is This Mike On – This newspaper editor brings a lot of heart to his blog.

Big Daddy – A friend and new blogger with large dose of humor.

Although I’ve been blogging off and on since 1999, it wasn’t until I wrote this post about walking away from my job at Microsoft that I felt my blog had a purpose beyond the fact that I enjoyed writing.

Up until that time, I’d written over 1000 posts that covered various topics ranging from gadget reviews to thoughts on becoming a father. But something changed with that post. I was more open than I’d been before. I exposed a number of my faults. But, for whatever reason, I hit on a topic that many people could relate to.

I’ve received dozens of emails about that post. One person called me a knucklehead for leaving a stable job with the largest software company in the world. A few thought I should have handled the situation better than I did, and I agree with them. But most were very supportive. One memorable email came from a lady who told me her job was making her sick, but she didn’t realize it until one of her friends forwarded her a link to my blog. She left her job a few weeks later and wrote to tell me about it.

As I was thinking about this today, I had a short chat with a friend I’ve not seen for many years. I asked how he and his family are doing along with a few more questions to get caught up. And then he said something interesting. He said, “I suppose I should return the favor and ask how you’re doing, but I already know because I’ve read your blog for years”.

I encouraged him to start a blog and he said he didn’t have time. That’s the most popular excuse I hear. Occasionally I’ll hear “I don’t have anything interesting to say” or “Nobody would read my blog”.

But I wish more of my friends and coworkers would blog. I’ve become increasingly suspicious of people who don’t blog. I wonder what they have to hide. I don’t buy the “I don’t have the time” excuse. What they should say is, “It’s not important enough to me to make the time”. I want to know what makes them tick.

To those who are considering starting a blog, my one bit of advice is to write from the heart. Be honest. It’s fine to detail the good and the bad. A wart here or there reminds us that you’re human. That’s what real life is about. Blogs that are devoid of any disappointment or sadness come across as having been written by someone nobody can relate to.

It’s hard to believe it’s been nearly 10 years since I walked off the job and another 9 years before I blogged about that experience. At the time I felt I was opening up too much. Showing my imperfections. What if a potential employer came across the post? What will my friends think?

I had nothing to worry about. Just the opposite. It was the beginning of my blog as I know it today.

My brother-in-law shook his head when I asked him if he had an email address. “Why would I need that?” he replied.

This was back in 1993.

Those were fun times. I enjoyed telling my friends and family about the internet and what they could do online. Like downloading drivers and searching for stuff on Yahoo. The high point of this period for me was the discovery I could stream Beavis and Butthead videos from MTV.com.

At work, of course.

By the time blogging came around most of my friends were using the internet although few had any idea what a blog was, and they certainly didn’t read the one I started. I didn’t give much thought to what I wrote back then because I was the only person reading it.

A few months later I checked my log files and noticed a few dozen people were visiting my blog each week. Yet few of them were friends or coworkers so I didn’t change anything. I figured I could write about whatever I wanted because I still felt anonymous.

It wasn’t until I applied for a job in 2005 that I knew my employer was aware of my blog. During the interview process my future manager asked me for a writing sample and I gave him my blog address. I figured he’d gauge how I write and maybe learn something about me.

One afternoon at church my Sunday School teacher mentioned he’d come across my blog. Several coworkers began reading it as well along with a number of friends and family. Each week I read emails from people across the globe who found my blog. Most of them enjoy what I write and some disagree with my views. I encourage them to start a blog and publish their thoughts.

I still enjoy writing, but I’m aware that what I write can impact my relationships and even my job. Nobody wants to offend a friend. And although it’s worked out well for Heather Armstrong, nobody wants to get dooced.

I’m going to continue encouraging my friends to blog. This past year I finally got my mother-in-law to blog. Although many of my friends have started blogging few have continued more than a couple of months. If they can’t dedicate the time to maintain a blog I’ll tell them about Twitter.