The air is crisp, the leaves are falling and the kids are trying to bribe dad into raking a huge pile of leaves together so they can help pick them up.

They are Lucy holding the football and I’m Charlie Brown wondering if this is the year I’ll finally kick it.

Just as Lucy yanks the football away at the last minute, my kids will help until the pile is big enough to swallow them up upon entry.

The help stops. The leaves fly. Dad blows leaves into neighbors yard.

Maybe I’m wiser this year.

Then again, that smile on Anna Lynn looks so very trustworthy, doesn’t it?

One summer afternoon I stood at home plate taking cuts with my aluminum Easton while my father tossed batting practice. He’d mix in a few curve balls among the fast balls. After I swung well ahead of one curve ball he told me to “pickup the rotation of the ball”.

The rotation of the ball? I had no idea what he was talking about and I told him. That was the first sign that my vision needed correcting.

It wasn’t long before I was back at the plate swinging away while sporting new contact lenses. I finally understood what my father meant when he told me to pickup the rotation. I could actually see the stitching on the ball as it came towards me. Over time, I learned to patiently wait on the curve and drive it into right field. 

It’s been a long time since someone has tossed a curveball my way, but I still make an annual trip to the eye doctor to be fitted for new lenses and glasses. This week I visited a new doctor who gave me the standard exam which included holding a black soup spoon over my left eye, having my eyelids flipped over over head, and putting my chin in a torture contraption only to have an unexpected burst of air blasted into my eye.

I don’t have a problem with any of that. But I do have a problem with something, and it’s not limited to just this eye doctor. Every eye doctor I’ve been to has the FREAKISHLY HUGE EYEBALL poster hanging on the wall. What is the point of this?

That big eye gives me the creeps.

The last thing I need while trying my best to read a line of microscopic letters is the evil glare of Mike Wazowski.

When I visit the dentist, I don’t have to look at a gigantic teeth and gums. I won’t take this any further, but you can imagine the uneasiness if all doctors decided to hang their body part specialty off the wall in poster size form.

I don’t need to see a close up of my cornea or my iris or, heaven forbid, all those blood vessels partying it up in the back of my eye.

It would make a good cheat sheet in case the doctor forgets where the sclera is located.

Or maybe there’s a obscure law that requires it to be hung on the wall in full patient view in the same manner businesses must hang the Minimum Wage laws in a conspicuous location.

Either way, I wish it would stop staring at me.

-Link to Doctor My Eyes from Jackson Browne

We managed to visit the Lands End department at Sears today without a single child getting lost, throwing up in the store, or shoplifting merchandise. Hooray for us!

Lands End sent me a $50 gift certificate for the problems I encountered during our last visit. The girls picked out a few white long sleeved T-shirts. At least that’s what I thought they were until Kim corrected me. In reality, they are called “layering shirts” and their only purpose is to coax the kids into wearing other shirts on top of them. This must be one of those trends fashion challenged fathers are better off being left in the dark on.

After paying for our items, the friendly cashier handed me a receipt that, no kidding, is at least 4 feet long. I couldn’t tell what part of it was my receipt and what was coupons for other departments at Sears. I did manage to separate this one $5 coupon off my next “Kids Wear” purchase which is good on about anything…except the following 400 items.

Which is unfortunate because I was hoping to save $5 on my next water heater or propane tank purchase.

But that’s not what made me laugh. Check out the receipt below. Since when did Sears start selling beer and wine? Is there a Sears Tavern behind the automotive shop I never noticed?

Next time we visit Sears I’m going to ask to directions to the booze department.

The clouds retreated long enough to provide a crisp breeze and dark blue sky this evening. It was so enjoyable I forgot all about the drizzly cold day we had in Seattle.

Kim cut vegetables which I ate directly from the grill. The peppers were so juicy and delicious.

The orange ones are my favorite.

On the way into work today, I got pulled over by a highway patrolman today. As he approached my car, I turned off my iPod and stereo. I took off my sunglasses and put both hands on the steering wheel. I figured he would nail me for not having a front license plate because I certainly wasn’t speeding.

Cop: What’s going on?

Me: Just on my way to work.

Cop: You crossed the white lines back there at the light. That’s one lane back there and you drove over the white line onto the shoulder.

Me: I didn’t realize that. I thought there was enough room for me to pass. I’m sorry.

Cop: Can I see your license and proof of registration?

Me: Sure

He looks at my license,takes out this tiny pad of paper and writes something down.

Cop: Where are you going?

Me: I’m going to work.

Cop: Where do you work?

Me: Near the Microsoft campus in Redmond

I didn’t want him to assume I’m one of those cocky Microsoft millionaires who doesn’t blink at $150 tickets.

Cop: What building?

Me: Building 126 off 151st street.

Why is he asking me this? Is he going to swing by my office for a tour? Then he proceeds to tell me that I shouldn’t be taking the back roads to work. After a brief lecture he hands back my license and insurance card and tells me to be on my way.

I was happy he didn’t give me a ticket. I’ve been pulled over 5 times in my life and never once been given a ticket. This is the first time I had no idea why I was being pulled over.

I’ve only been fired from one job. But I’ve had so many jobs it’s difficult to remember. I was attending the University of Utah and I found a position working on computers at a hospital.

My job was to send bills to patients that were partially covered by insurance. I had to look at one computer system to see how much the insurer covered and compare it to the total amount owed. My employer said the job would take 20 hours a week. But a couple of weeks into the job I’d automated the entire process by connecting both computer systems. I never asked anyone. I just did it.  My employer didn’t like paying me to spend 10 minutes booting up the computers, pressing a few button and then kicking back to read Car & Driver and Sports Illustrated for a few hours each day. Had I had internet access on those computers I imagine I could have looked busy enough keep my job. Minesweeper, where were you when I needed you most?

One day I showed up to work and my boss asked me to show her what I’d done to the billing system. She had this raspy smokers voice that would have passed for Roz on Monsters Inc. I proudly showed her how I’d connected the billing systems. Instead of rewarding my ingenuity, she said I needed to find another job because this position was a 20 hours/week position that was partially funded through the school. Anything short of 20 hours and the position could be yanked.

Basically, I was penalized for creating a more efficient billing system. The lesson I learned from that job was that I shouldn’t rock the boat. No need to make suggestions because it could result in losing my job. Just show up, do what I’m asked even when it doesn’t make sense. Keep my mouth shut.

Over the years I’ve learned there’s a fine line between offering suggestions and being a pain in the ass. I’m surprised I’ve not lost more jobs on account of making suggestions or questioning why a certain process is in place. Many companies are like that billing department that needed to fill a 20 hour position even when it could be completed in a fraction of the time.

Most large companies include a layer of employees who spend much of their time making sure their job will will be needed in the future. They create wacky processes that contribute nothing to the bottom line. I’m reminded of these positions every time I drive through Oregon. If you pull over for gas in there you are not allowed to pump your own gas. Instead a station employee does it for you. This makes no sense, but I’m sure those meaningless positions are nearly impossible to do away with. Some economist has probably created an economic impact report that shows devastating repercussions if the positions were dissolved.

So I’m left to wonder if I keep my mouth shut or try to speak up when I see inefficiencies at work. Maybe I should push the envelope further and see what I can change. Then again, I need my job. Maybe I’m playing it too safe unless my job is occasionally on the line.

The old grungy Auburn Taco Bell got a facelift. It now looks more like a fancy sit down restaurant that serves Chalupas and Crunchwrap Supremes. But that doesn’t mean they have abandoned the goofy signs of the old building. Today’s sign proudly proclaims “WE ARE ALWAYS HIRING”.

I mentioned this on Twitter and and one of my followers replied: “It’s matched by one inside the kitchen that reads: ALWAYS FIRING.” I’m curious to know how current employees feel about this.

The other sign concerns a topic I’ve mentioned before. As I drove by the neighborhood 7-11 I noticed a huge sign hanging off the front of the store that says, UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT.

Now this isn’t a hotel or barber shop or even a dry cleaners where a new manager could inject new life into a sagging business by improving customer service. The only time I’ve ever seen a 7-11 employee put down his Maxim and step out from behind the circular counter was to change the nacho cheese packet.

But the best part of this sign at the 7-11 is found on the 2nd line which says, COME SEE OUR NEW PRODUCTS.

New products at 7-11? Really?

Does this mean they have a new line of beef jerky or new Slurpee flavor? Maybe it means a new line of energy drinks and pre-paid phones. Whatever it may be, it must be exciting given the effort that went into the sign.

Holding hands is underrated.

I remember the first time I held Kim’s hand. We hadn’t known each other very long. I held her hand and swung her arm as while we walked around Las Vegas.

While still in my teens I’d walk around Temple Square in downtown Salt Lake City holding my grandma’s hand. It helped keep her balance. It made me feel special. I didn’t mind the leisurely pace because the flowers and fountains were so peaceful and beautiful. And it meant I could spend more time with her. When I see my grandma now the first thing she does is take my hand. I love that.

 
My brother-in-law took this picture of Anna (1 day old) holding Luca’s finger.

I walked Lincoln and Luca to the bus stop on Friday. Luca skipped ahead of me. That’s what 2nd graders do I’m told. But Lincoln gripped my hand as tight as he could. He only released it when the bus arrived so he could wave to me as he walked towards the black stairs leading to the seats on the bus. 

When it was time to pickup Luca from school I walked around the corner of our house and waited for the big yellow bus to arrive. I figured she’d jump off the bus and hop on down the road. When the bus pulled up, she looked out the window and smiled. I was right. She hopped off the bus. But she came right up to me, grabbed my hand and we walked home together hand in hand.

Yep, holding hands is underrated.

Nothing excites the geeks like a new web browser. Especially one from the Church of the Google. It only seemed reasonable to take my first Google Chrome test drive on the super fast Microsoft network before I left work today.

I used it for about an hour before coming home and installing it on my much faster workstation. I browsed my normal collection of sites and was impressed that, in about two hours of constant use, it never hung or crashed. Here are my initial impressions:

PROS:

1. Feels fast especially on sites like Google Reader and Gmail.
2. Lots of screen real estate.  When I launched Chrome for the first time I thought I was in full screen mode. Chrome reminds me a little of Opera before feature creep.
3. It’s simple. No pre-populated favorites. Not even a single tie-in to Gmail or Google Docs. Like the comic above says, it feels like it was built to get out of the user’s way.
4. The browser option are written in plain English and they don’t bombard you with crap you shouldn’t be changing in the first place. The tabs under options are even labeled, Basics, Minor Tweaks and Under the Hood.
5. Excellent memory management. I love being able to see how much memory each tab is using and have the ability to shut down a single tab without crashing the entire browser. All browsers should handle tabs in this manner.
6. When you open a new tab, Chrome shows your most visited sites, searches and recent bookmarks. Super helpful.
7. Drag a tab to your desktop which opens it’s own instance of Chrome. This has been on my Firefox wish list for years.

CONS:

1. Weird status bar behavior. There’s no persistent status bar at the bottom of the browser yet notices continually pop up even when you browse to another page.
2. No plugins like I have with Firefox. I need my Mouse Gestures. It’s just too big a time saver not to have.
3. “Home” button isn’t visible by default. Thanks for a follower on mine on Twitter, I got it turned on.

You have tried Chrome and what did you like/dislike about it?