Month: December 2008

Just Make Me Look Handsome

In September our family visited Disneyland. I spent a lot of time waiting in lines only to be shuffled away on some ride I knew nothing about. Half the time I didn’t know whether I was supposed to be frightened or amused. Someone else was in control and I was merely along for the ride.

That’s how I feel when go in for a haircut.  haircut

I don’t know when I stopped having input in how my hair was cut, but it’s been a while. When I was a young boy, my dad would take me to the barber. I hated going to the barber because his goal was to make my head feel naked. He’d pull out the clippers and buzz around my head as if I were joining the Marines that day. During the winter it was cut short. During the summer it was cut shorter. All I wanted was for the back to grow out just enough that it would curl.

Then I’d be cool.

Like Andy Gibb.

The old metal clippers were loud and vibrated so violently that I felt I was seconds away from having my ears cut off. The only part I enjoyed was the end when he’d suck all the hair off my head with a powerful vacuum. Sometimes he’d stick the nozzle down my back to remove the hair that made its way down my shirt. It tickled like crazy!

But getting a bad haircut as a kid is a rite of passage.

One might assume that when I got to the age where I was paying for my own haircuts my influence would increase.

It hasn’t.

Take my haircut last week for example. I sat in a cushy black chair while the stylist placed a plastic tarmac over my head before she wrapped a layer of fine sandpaper around my neck. Then, as she grabbed the scissors from the beaker of lime Kool-Aid, she casually asked, “How would you like your hair cut?”

But she’s only half listening. In fact, she’s already started trimming a little off the top before I can say anything. “Maybe an inch off the top with a number 4 clipper around the sides and back”, I reply.

She nods. I act like she’s listening. But I know she’s taking my words about as seriously as when I’d ask my mom if I could take our Plymouth Duster out for a spin when I was 14 years old.

Maybe I’m not all that particular when it comes to getting my hair cut. I’m usually satisfied with how my hair looks, and I base my tip on how relaxed I feel during the shampoo. A few months ago the stylist shampooed my hair twice, worked in a  conditioner that didn’t leave me smelling like I bought cologne at the 7-11 and gave me a scalp massage. She earned a nice tip for her efforts.

Oh well.

Next time I go in, I’m going to tell the stylist, “Just make me look handsome”.

Picture taken by Pancho

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Grocery Shopping Success

Kim wrote the list. I did the shopping. Not once did I have to call home and ask which brand of yogurt or bread to buy. Kim knows that if she gives me a little leeway, I’ll eventually figure it out.

The only item on the list that gave me problems was the 6 volt battery.

Our church leaders continue to stress the importance of having a 72-hour kit on hand, and that’s how many hours I would have spent trying to locate this flashlight battery on my own.

But a kind gentlemen working the fabric section directed me to to the secret lair of battery stands near the lotto machine. There, on the bottom shelf, just down from the hearing aid batteries was a couple of 6 volts for the taking.

It’s been a while since I’ve been so excited to finally locate an elusive grocery item.

The last time was probably the night I spent 30 minutes playing hide-and-go-seek with the lime juice.

*Note the small tears to the left of each item. The true sign of a shopping pro.

shoppinglist

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Law of Threes

The podcast I look forward to more than any other is “The BS Report” by Bill Simmons of ESPN, otherwise known as “The Sports Guy”. Last week he referenced an article written by Mike Lombardi about the Law of Threes.

The Law of Threes states that on any team or organization you’ll have three types of people:

  1. Those who will do everything asked of them.
  2. Those who are undecided and don’t know what to do.
  3. Those who buck the system and want to disrupt everyone else. 

Lombardi used the Law of Threes to describe why the New York Giants continue to win football games in spite of the actions of one of their star players. He credits the coach for focusing on those players in group #1. This creates a culture where some of those in camp #2 step into line with the team. Meanwhile those in group #3 may occasionally cause drama, but aren’t able to bring the team down. If the coach has done his job, the players feel the team is greater than any individual player.

annaread
Picture of Anna Lynn, tester of the Law of Threes

I’ve been giving some thought to how the Law of Threes plays out in our home. Our first three children easily slide into each category. If I were to ask each of them to grab two Diet Cokes from the fridge downstairs and return to the kitchen here’s how it would play out:

Luca would immediately grab them and return.

Lincoln would casually head down the stairs. Halfway there he’d forget why and where he was going and return to the kitchen with a confused look on his face.

Anna would do a little dance, smack her butt, and give me a high five before running off to catch the next Scooby Doo on Boomerang.

According to the Law of Threes, I should focus my energy on Luca and hope Lincoln eventually falls into place. But, unlike a coach, I can’t trade Anna to another family for a daughter to be named later. I must drum up the patience to work with her. To love her. Although she can be frustrating, she brings a large dose of comedy to our home.

I wouldn’t trade her for anyone.

Even Lebron.

The Block Toss

While Kim and the three older kids were putting ornaments on our tree, I was in charge of watching Kai who recently turned 1 year old. I placed him in his Bjorn Babysitter Balance and put a basket full of toys within his reach.

But he wasn’t interested in the blocks or stuffed animals, and he began tossing them under my feet. It wasn’t long before the basket was empty.

kaishredding

I put the toys back in the basket, and he proceeded to toss them at me again.

He wanted my attention.

So I gently lifted him out of the Bjorn and placed him on my lap. I tried to type, but Kai’s little hands were too fast. He pounded the keyboard making it impossible to do much on the computer.

He wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t tired.

I handed him a plastic block. He looked at it as if to say, “Is this the best you can do?”

I reached over and grabbed it out of his hand assuming he was about to toss it at my computer screen. I figured he’d start whining. 

But just the opposite happened.

He laughed and giggled himself silly.

So I gave him the block again and quickly grabbed it out of his little hands. I did this over and over till he had tears streaming down his face from laughter.

You’d think I’d understand this by now but children love interaction. They love to see your face and look into your eyes. They love to see you smile back at them. They crave the back and forth reactions that make them feel loved.

For all the time and money I’ve spent making sure Kai has a place to sit or bounce or sleep, nothing beats being embraced by a loved one.

Hopefully next time he won’t have to toss blocks at my feet in order to get my attention.

The Laundry Pile

Here’s how Kim sorts laundry:laundry

  1. Whites
  2. Colors
  3. Darks
  4. Delicates
  5. Dresses/Fancy material
  6. Blankets/Sleeping Bags
  7. Items that don’t go in the dryer 
  8. Rugs/Towels

Here’s how I sort the laundry:

  1. Lights
  2. Darks

The way Kim sorts laundry into 8 piles compared to my two is a good illustration of how we both approach other areas of our lives. Kim sees a life with many layers that one peels back much like an onion. I’m much more black or white in my approach.

For example, this week Kim told me about an issue she’s having with a friend. She’s been weighing various options, carefully thinking over how each could play out. She’s created a mental spreadsheet keeping track of the pros and cons while attempting to predict the outcome. No choice will be 100% right or wrong.

Yet when she explained the situation to me I said, “Just tell your friend no”. I view life less like an onion and more like an orange.

This is usually how things play out. The same goes for ordering food. Kim knows exactly what each child will eat and all the special requests and required customizations. She has no problem remembering that Luca likes chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce but only from Wendy’s while Anna likes hamburgers with cheese and no pickle but only from McDonalds.

Unless Kim is there to order with me, the kids are getting a plain cheese pizza. There’s no chance my mind can recall that level of detail.

But I wouldn’t change Kim and I doubt Kim would want to change me. We balance each other out in this regard, and each approach has its merits.

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One Book I’ve Never Read

When I moved to Seattle in 1994 I rented an apartment across the street from the University of Washington and less than a block away from the student bookstore. I was working my first job out of college and didn’t have the money to purchase many books. On my days off I’d walk down the back stairs of my apartment and take a hard right around the corner to the bookstore where I’d gather a stack of books. The stack was mostly filled with computer and programming books but I enjoyed reading about art and history as well. Some days I’d spend 10 hours sitting on the floor readingbook-spock book after book. 

But there’s one type of book I’ve never read. I’ve never been interested in reading books on parenting. Not even the Dr. Spock book it seems like every parents reads before their first child arrives.

I used to feel guilty about having no desire to read about how someone else feels I should raise my children. Yet I read books that make me a better manager. Maybe even a few articles here and there that make me a slightly improved husband. But nothing directly geared towards parenting.

Given that New Year’s resolutions are just around the corner maybe I should head on down to the Barnes and Noble (the one with a Starbucks inside) and check out the latest batch of parenting books. I’m sure there’s something from Stephen Covey and Dr. Phil. And a few thousand more from experts may not have children of their own. 

So with that, if I can find a parenting book that answers the following questions, I’ll buy it.

  1. How many hours of Scooby Doo in a week is appropriate for a 5 year old.
  2. How to remove a plain M&M from the nostril.
  3. How to teach your children to Tivo without deleting Season Passes to Desperate Housewives, The Hills, and The Office.
  4. How to keep your kids from belching (among other sounds) during the quiet times at church.
  5. How to put shoes on the right feet.
  6. How to flush the toilet!
  7. How to help your kids find their inside voices.
  8. How to keep from backwashing Cheerios into dad’s Diet Coke.
  9. How to sleep past 6 am on the weekends.
  10. How to beat your kids at any Nintendo game and live to gloat about it.

We’ve only been raising kids for a few years and have many more to go. So far they seem fine. Half the battle is keeping track of them. Maybe we’ve been blessed with good children. Or maybe they have an awesome mom that makes up for many of the father’s faults. It’s probably a combination of many influences.

One day I’ll be able look back and see how each of them turned out. I’m sure I’ll be able to see what worked and what didn’t. Both Kim and I believe in teaching our children correct principles but allowing them the freedom to learn and grow and make choices that occasionally bring consequences.

As I tucked the kids into bed tonight each of them gave me a hug and kiss to my forehead. When I got to Anna she said, “You’re the best dad in the whole world”. I smiled and was feeling pretty good about myself as I began to leave. Until she added, “But I’m going to ask Santa for a new dad if you don’t let us decorate the tree tomorrow”.

Is there a book for that?