Category: Family

Nothing

The Friday commute home is shorter than other days. Maybe it just feels shorter because I’m more relaxed. Less anxious. My phone is tucked deep into my jacket pocket with the ringer on “silent”. I’m done with email and meetings for a couple of days. If I’m lucky, I’ll have saved a good podcast for the drive home. The BS Report or TWIT will do.

The best weekends have nothing planned.

No church activities.

No soccer.

No yard work.

Nothing.

Except maybe chasing the kids around the couch. Or getting trounced at a game of Wii bowling. Or having my son show me the skyscraper he built with wooden blocks. I know he’s built something noteworthy when he takes me by the hand and leads me to his creation. As if I’d get lost on the way.

hula

As I walked on the treadmill tonight I laughed as I watched Kim swinging her hips side to side as she made her way through the hula hoop exercise on our new Wii Fit. Our three oldest children had climbed of out bed and were standing behind her making similar but more animated motions.

Kim didn’t seem to mind the company until Lincoln described her Mii avatar as “puffy”. I worked off more calories chasing them back to bed than I did walking at my leisurely pace on the treadmill.

“We’re bored”, was the excuse they’d settled on tonight.

“Read a book”, I said.

“I’ve read all the books in the universe”, replied Luca.

I kissed each of them on the cheek and forehead, pulled the blankets up tight and made sure none were following me down the stairs.

Maybe nothing turned into something.

Photo by Shelly Rich

Like Father

My father worked at the same job for the same school district for 32 years. dad

I’m on my 8th job in less than half that time. 

My father starts his day at 5 am.

I start blogging at 2 am.

My father is hyper-organized.

I barely made it in time for my own wedding.

In spite of our differences, we are close friends. As we kicked back in front of the TV watching football today, I recognized how much he has influenced my life. He looks for the positive in people and goes out of his way to give others the benefit of the doubt. But the trait I noticed at an early age is the one I’ve tried to emulate the most often: don’t hold grudges.

I’ve make a number of boneheaded decisions over the years. Some of them have caught my father’s attention. But he doesn’t dwell on the problem. Like the time I hit a speed bump that cracked the windshield of his new car. Or the time I borrowed his ten-speed without permission that was stolen when I forgot to lock it while I played pool.

I wish my father lived closer so I could spend more time with him.

I coax him to Seattle by telling him our kids miss him. And they do.

But the truth is I miss him just as much.

Technorati Tags: ,

No Problem

I grabbed Luca and jumped in our Honda Odyssey. She needed a break from her brother and sister. I needed a break from the computer.

But it was Christmas day. Well, it was Christmas night by the time we slid our way off snow covered Lea Hill and into town looking for something to eat besides corn flakes and nachos.

lucasnow

We weren’t picky. Pretty much anything with a drive thru would suffice because the only thing covering my feet were a pair of Land’s End slippers.

We drove by McDonalds. Closed.

Taco Bell? Closed.

Dairy Queen? Closed.

Arby’s and Taco Time? Closed and closed.

Only Jack-in-the-Box was open. As I pulled around the parking lot all I noticed was a line of cars snaked around the building. We got in line and waited our turn to order. About 20 minutes later we pulled up to the window.

Finally, a young man opened the window and said, “I’m so sorry. I just gave your order to the car in front of you. It will be a few minutes longer”

In years past I probably would have let out a loud *sigh* to express my displeasure. At the very least, I would have directed a frown his way.

But I didn’t do either.

I smiled and said, “No problem. It happens”.

He said, “Well, it’s happened a few times today, and I’m sorry it happened to you”.

I could see he was working hard to remake our order. But it didn’t really matter. I wasn’t upset. It was Christmas and here I am out driving around snowy roads in a minivan with my daughter wearing slippers.

And it gave me more time to chat with Luca who told me all about the sewing kit Santa brought her. I glanced at her cute smiley face in the rearview mirror as she explained how Santa knew exactly what she wanted. Her words sprang with joy, and she paused only to catch her breath between details.

Our food arrived hot and stuffed into two bags. I handed Luca the vanilla milkshake she received by promising not to tell her brother or sister. One lick of the whipped cream on top told me I should have ordered myself one.

As we slowly made our way up the hill to our home, I told myself that I’m going to give people the benefit of the doubt this year like I did tonight at the drive-thru. I’m not going to jump to conclusions and assume I know all the details. I’m going to listen more and talk less.

Even in those situations where a response or reaction is warranted, I’m going to do the unexpected and say, “No problem”.

We turned off the main road and slid around our neighborhood before making our way down to the end of our cul-de-sac. As we pulled into the driveway of our little yellow house, Luca said, “Dad, I’m glad that guy didn’t give my milkshake away”.

Technorati Tags: ,

Confidence

We braved the frigid conditions tonight to watch Luca play two songs at her Christmas recital. As we loaded the kids in the van Kim asked Luca if she’d packed her sheet music. Luca replied, “Why? I don’t need it”.

Luca has been practicing her songs for over a month. She loves to play and that came through in her performance tonight.

 lucapiano

Nerves got the best of some, and the teacher pointed out how much work her students put in to learn the songs. She said, “What you heard tonight was almost as good as what I’ve heard them play in my home”.

Luca leaned over to Kim and said, “Or better”.

The Laundry Pile

Here’s how Kim sorts laundry:laundry

  1. Whites
  2. Colors
  3. Darks
  4. Delicates
  5. Dresses/Fancy material
  6. Blankets/Sleeping Bags
  7. Items that don’t go in the dryer 
  8. Rugs/Towels

Here’s how I sort the laundry:

  1. Lights
  2. Darks

The way Kim sorts laundry into 8 piles compared to my two is a good illustration of how we both approach other areas of our lives. Kim sees a life with many layers that one peels back much like an onion. I’m much more black or white in my approach.

For example, this week Kim told me about an issue she’s having with a friend. She’s been weighing various options, carefully thinking over how each could play out. She’s created a mental spreadsheet keeping track of the pros and cons while attempting to predict the outcome. No choice will be 100% right or wrong.

Yet when she explained the situation to me I said, “Just tell your friend no”. I view life less like an onion and more like an orange.

This is usually how things play out. The same goes for ordering food. Kim knows exactly what each child will eat and all the special requests and required customizations. She has no problem remembering that Luca likes chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce but only from Wendy’s while Anna likes hamburgers with cheese and no pickle but only from McDonalds.

Unless Kim is there to order with me, the kids are getting a plain cheese pizza. There’s no chance my mind can recall that level of detail.

But I wouldn’t change Kim and I doubt Kim would want to change me. We balance each other out in this regard, and each approach has its merits.

Technorati Tags: ,,

The Thankful Tree

Last night we gathered the kids around and Kim told them a story about gratitude. We talked about what it means to be grateful. Luca summed up the discussion by saying, “That’s why we have Thanksgiving. It reminds us to be thankful for all our stuff”.

Kim handed out five leaves to Luca, Lincoln and Anna and asked them to draw pictures of things for which they are thankful. Kim and I also participated, but our leaves lacked the artistic value compared to those the kids created.

Luca is thankful for clocks, chairs and plants.

Lincoln is thankful for clouds and fruit and computers.

Anna is thankful for her friends and family

Kim is thankful for her washer and dryer and dark chocolate.

I am thankful for rain and high speed internet.

Kim taped the tree and all its leaves to the back door. I like how it turned out.

thankfultree

Making Tradeoffs as a Father

We didn’t have children till I was in my 30’s. By that time I’d seen many examples of how couples raised their children. By far the most influential example of how to raise children came from my own parents. I remember something my anthropology professor said. Something along the lines of “you will raise your kids the way you were raised”.

Lately I’ve thought about what lessons I’ve taken from my my parents. Was my anthropology professor correct? Am I raising my kids the same way I was raised?

kidsfence

Kim and I don’t have as well defined roles as my parents had. I go off to work each day like my father did, but I don’t work as many hours as he did. In fact, I’ll bet I work half the hours he put in during the school year. I understand why he worked as hard as he did. He enabled my mother, who was ill much of the time, to stay home to raise five children. My father worked as a teacher which didn’t give him as much scheduling flexibility as I have employed in the technology field. 

The downside to my father’s choice of professions is that I didn’t know him very well until I entered high school. He was off to work most days before I was awake, and later, his coaching assignments filled many late nights away from home. I don’t recall him accompanying me on a field trip or taking time off to catch a movie with me.

The thought of my father playing hokey to hang out with us was unfathomable. As a child, I had the impression his work came before everything else. At the time I figured all fathers were gone from dawn till dusk. I don’t recall any fathers accompanying their children on grade school field trips.

The upside of my father’s profession was that I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with him as my coach in high school baseball, basketball and football. He oftentimes gave me a ride to and from school. I have many fond memories of those few minutes we had together discussing sports and school. Although things worked out fine and we are close friends today, I wish I could have built a relationship with him sooner.

And that’s the one thing I wanted to improve upon when I had kids. I don’t want to wait till they are in their early teens before I get to know them well. I remember seeing my dad on the weekends but not often during the week.

It’s not easy balancing work and family. There are times when I do one well while slacking a bit at the other.

I don’t know how it will work out. In a sense, I’m betting that one day I’ll look back and be grateful I took time away from work to spend with my family. Yet I’m fully aware that doing so could cost me promotions down the road. I’ve made sure my manager understands my main priority is my family. I don’t believe that makes me a less valuable employee. But I can’t be sure I’ll always work for someone who sees it that way.

My father was more involved in the lives of his children than his father was with his own. I have no doubt my dad wants me to spend more time with my kids than he was able to spend with us.

If my children look back on how they were raised and only find one area they’d like to improve, I’ll feel like I’ve done well in raising them to be better parents than I’ve been.

My Pumpkin Carvings of Years Past

I’ve been looking for pumpkin carving ideas, but I don’t want to duplicate what I’ve done in the past. I went through my pictures and pulled out a few of my favorite carvings over the years.

tux 
Tux: The Linux Mascot

My first geeky carving that I entered in the pumpkin carving contest while working at Microsoft. My coworkers didn’t know whether to laugh or report me to HR. But Tux found a home among all the boring Windows logos. I spent a lot of time getting the feet and nose just right. My favorite carving.

Halloween_023 
Golem

I spent 2 hours carving this guy. He didn’t look very scary until I lit the candle and turned the lights off. I spent a while carving around the eyes and teeth. Most of the kids who saw this on our porch thought it was Frankenstein with bad teeth.

P1010067 
Witch and Cat

The witch required ongoing dental work to keep her teeth in place. I used a couple of toothpicks to keep the top two from falling out. I’m probably most proud about the curve along the cat’s back. I wish I had given the witch a nose full of warts though.

spider
Hairy Spider

This smaller pattern was one of the easier ones to carve. Luca liked this one a lot, but it looks like a hairy peach with legs to me.

pumpkin3
Evil Pumpkin

I like how the mouth turned out but I wish I had made the eyes smaller. The veins and cuts in the face looked creepy to the kids who ventured onto our porch that Halloween.

wizard
The Star Keeper

I love how this one turned out. I spent about three hours working on it and most of that time was spent on the eyes and mustache. I carved this onto a larger pumpkin and the kids loved it although some thought it was Jesus. I like how well the hands turned out.

 
pump
Gordon B Hinckley

Easily the most obscure pumpkin I’ve ever carved. Had we lived in Utah at the time, maybe a few trick or treaters would have guessed this was the prophet of the Mormon church, but we lived in Woodinville WA at the time and none of our neighbors were Mormon. One young boy came to our door and, as he walked down our porch to his father, said, “Dad, who is that guy supposed to be?” The father looked at our pumpkin and replied, “I’m not sure but I think it’s supposed to be Groucho Marx”

I’ve picked up a couple of patterns for our pumpkins this years and will post pictures once I carve them.

Is That Supposed To Be Pop?

Nope. It’s not. I asked.

Lincoln got bored exactly 15 seconds after our plane took off for Orange County. I did what any father would do and gave him a copy of the emergency pamphlet conveniently referred to during the safety lecture.

He wasn’t interested in the pamphlet, but he did enjoy practicing his spelling on my new Lenovo X61.

Disneyland-006