Category: Kids

The Red Chair

“If you don’t put them away, they will grow legs and disappear” 

That’s what my parents told me day after day referring to toys, bikes and sporting equipment I left on the grass in our front yard. I recall a football or Frisbee going missing but nothing major like a bike.

And now I find myself saying the same phrase to my children who listen as well as I did to my parents. The kids were able to spend a few hours of bike riding during the few times the sun came out this week. When I returned from church, I looked out the window to see this kid’s chair sitting on the grass.

Most everything else made it into the garage.

And now huge snowflakes are falling from the sky. It looks like the heavens are releasing tiny pillows of cotton down on our city. And this little red chair looks so peaceful that I’m thankful my kids left it on the grass.

Spring can wait a few more weeks.

snowchair

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Resetting My Perspective

It’s not easy to see the positive when there’s so much negative floating around. It’s nearly impossible to avoid. I turn on the TV and listen to the talking heads drone on about the collapse of the auto, housing or financial industry. Gets old fast.

So I turn off the TV and tune into the radio only to hear that A-Rod asked his cousin shove needles full of junk into his body. Or about how much longer Boras can keep the Dodgers bidding against themselves for a prima donna who occasionally runs out ground balls.

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Octomom. NFL players lost at sea. The stimulus plan. Rihanna. The new U2 album. Iran. The Bachelor. The Pirate Bay trial. Chimp attack. Health care. The Blackberry Storm. Congressional pork.

And then yesterday I came across a fitting end to my day. As I drove across the Microsoft campus, I noticed a man holding a sign above his head that said, “STOP CONTRACTOR PAY CUTS”. He was all alone. Pacing back and forth as a light rain fell from the sky.

Yep, even the mighty Microsoft has decided to layoff 1400 employees with another 3600 cuts looming over the next 18 months. Something about maintaining shareholder value

Of course it all trickles down to the thousands of Microsoft contractors and vendors of which I am one. Who knows where or when it will stop. I just hope Windows 7 isn’t Windows Vista come fall or I could have a lot more time on my hands to watch Jimmy Fallon.

But when I awoke this morning, I grabbed my iPhone, scratched my eyes and noticed I was scheduled to chaperone a group of Kindergartners to the museum. I got my butt out of bed and made my way to the school where I checked in at the office and was given a nametag made of bright orange cardstock with “VISITOR" across the front. I pinned the nametag to my jacket and no longer looked like that creepy Verizon phone guy.

Inside the Kindergarten class were 22 anxious children. They couldn’t wait to sit up high on the cushy bus seats on the way to the White River Valley Museum. I was in charge of the blue team which, as best I could tell, meant I was to keep the boys from pushing the girls and answer the question, “How old are you?” about 400 times. We made it safely to the museum where we learned about the Native Americans who lived in Auburn, WA area during the early 1800’s. We saw examples of the canoes they made from a single tree. We saw women’s dresses made from bark. We went into a tiny one room schoolhouse where the kids loved the idea of writing on small slates. That didn’t make up for their disgust at the lack of restrooms and electricity though.

Yes, the kids were active. A few required reminders on how to act. Outdoor voices were used much of the time, and even a few girls were bumped into. But these children were a breath of fresh air. They aren’t burdened by all the negative news taking place in the adult world. They are little sponges soaking in five times their weight in information. Their eyes lit up with excitement when the museum guide explained how salmon were caught in traps set in the river.

“Yep, my dad does that all the time”, one boy called out.

Just like my computer occasionally gets bogged down by a rogue process and requires a reset so do I. Today I took a step back from all the negative and reset my perspective. I’m going to focus on the positive. Like these children,I’m going to soak up the good. It’s easy to find the negative so I’ll leave that to others.

We left the museum and made our way back on the bus. Single file, of course.

I looked around and noticed I was the only parent on the bus. I was surrounded by 22 kids and I couldn’t have been happier. As I was about to pull out my iPhone and check email, I realized I was sitting next to my son. As I tucked my phone back into my jacket, Lincoln asked, “Will you come with me on our next field trip?”

Absolutely.

When Improved Vision is Secondary

The eye doctor pressed a magic button sending the chair as high as it would reach. Lincoln sat on the very edge of the cushion dangling his short legs over the front of the chair. 

He shot me a quick glance. I could see the concern in his blue eyes as if to say, “What’s this lady going to do to me?”

“Lean in just a little more so you can rest your chin here. Can you read the top line back to me?”

“What?”

“Look straight ahead. Can you see any letters on the wall?”

“Yep”

“Good. Can you read the ones on top back to me?”

“G………………”

“Do you see any more?”

“Yep”

“Can you tell me what you see?”

“I see a G. And there’s an H. And that’s either a 5 or an E.  When are we gonna be done?”

I watched this same sequence of events take place over and over until the eye doctor had enough data to determine a prescription or become exhausted from Lincoln’s lacksidasical attitude towards the exam.

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Lincoln takes life at his own pace. Frame by frame. That means life comes at him in a very methodical manner which may seem slow to some. But he possesses an uncanny ability to retrieve seemingly random details. One time Kim pointed out a turtle in a book and Lincoln shot back, “That’s not a turtle. It’s a desert tortoise”.

When the eye doctor finished the exam she pressed the button again until the chair was low enough for him to jump off.

“Do I get glasses? My sister got two glasses. But I didn’t get any. My mom said someday I might need glasses”

“You can see up close well. But with glasses, you’ll be able to see things that are further away”

The grin on Lincoln’s face stretched from ear to ear. He could barely contain his excitement as he bounded out the door to tell his mom, but mostly his older sister that HE WAS GETTING GLASSES!!

When you’re six years old, getting glasses is a big deal.

But getting glasses just like your big sister is MONUMENTAL.

When your children are close in age, it’s not uncommon for them to bring out each other’s competitiveness.

As we drove home, I overhead Luca tell Lincoln that, although he was getting glasses, she was able to read the smallest letters on the wall.

In a week Lincoln’s new glasses will be ready.

Two frames, of course. Just like his big sister.

What Kids Hear

I said, “Please pickup your shoes and put them in your closet”

Anna heard, “Please pickup shoes and toss down the laundry chute”

I said, “Find you sister and come upstairs for dinner”

Lincoln heard, “Find three more stars in Mario Galaxy”

I said, “Please drain the tub and dry yourself off”

The kids heard, “Please splash 20 gallons of water onto the bathroom floor and run around the house naked”

I said, “Please pull out your homework and finish your math”

Luca heard, “Please help yourself to bowl of Cheerios 30 minutes after dinner”

I said, “It’s time for bed”

The kids heard, “It’s time to jump on mom and dad’s bed”

I said, “Please feed the dog”

Anna heard, “Please feed your grilled cheese sandwich to the dog”

I said, “Wear the clothing mom put out for you on your bed”

Anna heard, “Put together the most hideous looking outfit known to mankind”

I said, “Please only use as much toilet paper as you need”

The kids heard, “Please use no less than 185 sheets at a time”

I said, “Please hang up your church dress”

Luca heard, “Please toss your church dress in the middle of the living room”

I said, “Walk as quietly as you can down the church hallway”

The kids heard, “Stomp your feet loud enough that everyone will know we have arrived”

We must speak a different language. Maybe when they reach middle school they’ll have the opportunity to learn the language called Parental English.

Because something is getting lost in translation.

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Finding Balance

Coaches told me I had a quick first step. If a defender played me tight, I could take a dribble back step, cross over from right to left and create some space with my feet. Although I’m right handed, I could go to my left but not my right. This was before the three point line was painted in gyms around the country, and my job wasn’t to score as much as it was to find the open teammate when the defense collapsed.

Keep my dribble alive. Keep my head up. Deliver the pass.

So when I showed up for the Dick Motta basketball camp I was surprised to find a player from a rival school I could not beat off the dribble. Not only was he quicker than I was, but he could go to his right and left.

It bothered me all summer. But as basketball camps turned to baseball clinics I didn’t give it much thought. Until I met him at a football game. I told him I was looking forward to a summer full of baseball, basketball and football.

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He played basketball. Only basketball. All summer long.

And then it started to make sense. While I was becoming an average player at three sports, he was becoming a very good player (he went on to play in college) in one sport.

I’ve thought back to this memory often when I’ve felt our children are being pulled in different directions. Part of me would like them to immerse themselves in many different activities. Luca enjoys playing the piano. We feel she has a talent for music. But should we focus her limited time and attention in that direction at the sacrifice of dance or soccer?

Kim and I talk about how much time our kids should spend in activities outside of school. Currently it feels like a gut decision. And it could vary from child to child. We change our minds a lot. What feels like the right amount one month may feel like too much the next. Nothing is written in stone.

Our approach has been to encourage our children to try various activities within reason. We don’t believe it’s in their best interest (or ours) to be running ourselves ragged toting the kids from one activity to another. That might mean this summer is for soccer while swimming waits till the fall.

Would we better off finding one activity per child like my friend who only played basketball?

Maybe.

But for now, they still have a lot to experience. If they decide to focus their efforts on a single activity at some point, we’ll address it at that time. No rush.

I think back to how much fun I had and how much I learned by playing baseball and football. The friendships and experiences, at least for me, outweigh whatever chance I might have had to improve my skills as a basketball player.

And had I only played basketball I wouldn’t have known how satisfying it feels to patiently wait on a curve ball and then pound that sucker into right field.

Late Night Scrambled Eggs

“One of my best friends moved to California”

One look at her face and I knew she’d had a tough day at school. Luca had followed me into the kitchen and I wasn’t sure what to tell a 7 year old who bid her best friend goodbye for the last time this afternoon.

I picked her up and placed her on the kitchen counter. As curious as I was to hear about her day, I didn’t want for her to walk through the painful memory again. So I asked if she wanted a late night snack.

lucabelle

She nodded.

I figured she’d ask for strawberry milk, Pirates Booty, or a slice of bread with just the right amount of butter.

“Will you make some scrambled eggs? I know how to crack them”

So I stirred while she cracked ten eggs. It was almost midnight before we sat next to each other at the table trying to figure out how salt makes eggs taste better.

“I know why your eggs cook faster than moms”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“Because you turn the stove to eight and mom only turns it up to five”

As I sat there next to my daughter I told myself that I must keep my mouth shut and listen. She grabbed the salt and shook it over her plate. More questions followed such as, “Is pepper the opposite of salt?”

And then she began to tell me about her day. I know where this leads. Her raspy voice touches my heart.

She tells me about her other friends. She tells me how much she likes her teacher and how excited she is to give her report on Germany at the end of the month. She asks if I’ll help her choose a treat to share with her class.

And then she stops talking and puts her fork down.

She’s trying as hard as she can to hide the tears, but a couple escape down her cheek and onto the table.

I wish her friend had been able to stay through the school year. I wish I could tell her she’ll see her friend again soon. But I don’t have the magic words to make everything better. The best I can do is be there to listen. Sometimes that’s all I can do.

She helped me pickup the dishes before brushing her teeth for the second time. As she gave me a hug she whispered, “I’m going to pray that Rebekah visits me in the summer”.

“Maybe Rebekah will do the same”, I replied.

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Almost Ready to Roll

Doesn’t seem long ago when Kim and I wanted to take off for an afternoon in the city or a quick trip to Vancouver, we’d grab our Rollerblades and be on our way in minutes. The biggest challenge was figuring out where to go.

I miss those days.

Figure out where to go is the easy part now. Adding 4 kids to the mix adds much complexity to the travel preparation. To say that it takes us a lot longer to get on the road is an understatement. Here’s what it took to get moving today:

  1. Located kids shoes.
  2. Untied Anna’s shoes and put them on the right feet.
  3. Searched for three Nintendo DS systems.
  4. Broke up fight about who gets to use the black DS.
  5. Located DS games.
  6. Located coloring books.
  7. Reminded Anna she doesn’t need to bring 6 stuffed animals.
  8. Filled sippy cups.
  9. Reminded kids to grab jackets
  10. Stuffed forgotten jackets in oversized Timbuk 2 bag
  11. Strapped kids into car seats.
  12. Tossed stroller in back of van.
  13. Closed doors to van and pulled out of driveway.

Just in time to hear one of the kids say, “I need to go to the bathroom”.

That’s when Kim and look at each other. We know exactly what the other is thinking: “Is this worth it?”

A good rule of thumb in helping to determine that is to ask yourself if the outing will take more time than than the preparation.

And make sure to factor in the time it takes to get the kids and their gear out of the car when you return home. It always feels like we brought back twice the amount we left with.

My Rollerblades never argued, sang, whistled, stuffed Cheerios in the seats or took bathroom breaks.

But it’s fun to get out as a family. The kids enjoy the journey. Kim and I enjoy the few minutes we can hear each other talk.

If we’re lucky the kids will fall asleep.

As I pull into the driveway.

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Confidence

We braved the frigid conditions tonight to watch Luca play two songs at her Christmas recital. As we loaded the kids in the van Kim asked Luca if she’d packed her sheet music. Luca replied, “Why? I don’t need it”.

Luca has been practicing her songs for over a month. She loves to play and that came through in her performance tonight.

 lucapiano

Nerves got the best of some, and the teacher pointed out how much work her students put in to learn the songs. She said, “What you heard tonight was almost as good as what I’ve heard them play in my home”.

Luca leaned over to Kim and said, “Or better”.

Law of Threes

The podcast I look forward to more than any other is “The BS Report” by Bill Simmons of ESPN, otherwise known as “The Sports Guy”. Last week he referenced an article written by Mike Lombardi about the Law of Threes.

The Law of Threes states that on any team or organization you’ll have three types of people:

  1. Those who will do everything asked of them.
  2. Those who are undecided and don’t know what to do.
  3. Those who buck the system and want to disrupt everyone else. 

Lombardi used the Law of Threes to describe why the New York Giants continue to win football games in spite of the actions of one of their star players. He credits the coach for focusing on those players in group #1. This creates a culture where some of those in camp #2 step into line with the team. Meanwhile those in group #3 may occasionally cause drama, but aren’t able to bring the team down. If the coach has done his job, the players feel the team is greater than any individual player.

annaread
Picture of Anna Lynn, tester of the Law of Threes

I’ve been giving some thought to how the Law of Threes plays out in our home. Our first three children easily slide into each category. If I were to ask each of them to grab two Diet Cokes from the fridge downstairs and return to the kitchen here’s how it would play out:

Luca would immediately grab them and return.

Lincoln would casually head down the stairs. Halfway there he’d forget why and where he was going and return to the kitchen with a confused look on his face.

Anna would do a little dance, smack her butt, and give me a high five before running off to catch the next Scooby Doo on Boomerang.

According to the Law of Threes, I should focus my energy on Luca and hope Lincoln eventually falls into place. But, unlike a coach, I can’t trade Anna to another family for a daughter to be named later. I must drum up the patience to work with her. To love her. Although she can be frustrating, she brings a large dose of comedy to our home.

I wouldn’t trade her for anyone.

Even Lebron.

The Block Toss

While Kim and the three older kids were putting ornaments on our tree, I was in charge of watching Kai who recently turned 1 year old. I placed him in his Bjorn Babysitter Balance and put a basket full of toys within his reach.

But he wasn’t interested in the blocks or stuffed animals, and he began tossing them under my feet. It wasn’t long before the basket was empty.

kaishredding

I put the toys back in the basket, and he proceeded to toss them at me again.

He wanted my attention.

So I gently lifted him out of the Bjorn and placed him on my lap. I tried to type, but Kai’s little hands were too fast. He pounded the keyboard making it impossible to do much on the computer.

He wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t tired.

I handed him a plastic block. He looked at it as if to say, “Is this the best you can do?”

I reached over and grabbed it out of his hand assuming he was about to toss it at my computer screen. I figured he’d start whining. 

But just the opposite happened.

He laughed and giggled himself silly.

So I gave him the block again and quickly grabbed it out of his little hands. I did this over and over till he had tears streaming down his face from laughter.

You’d think I’d understand this by now but children love interaction. They love to see your face and look into your eyes. They love to see you smile back at them. They crave the back and forth reactions that make them feel loved.

For all the time and money I’ve spent making sure Kai has a place to sit or bounce or sleep, nothing beats being embraced by a loved one.

Hopefully next time he won’t have to toss blocks at my feet in order to get my attention.