Boys of Summer

Kim asked me to spend some time in the backyard with the kids this evening. What I think she meant to say was, “Do something to wear out the kids so they will go to bed before midnight”.

But either way, she was right.

We started out playing soccer using a tree and yellow Tonka truck as goal markers. The game ended when Anna went inside and wrote “7” on a piece of paper and “4” on another. She returned to the yard to flash the scores which turned out to be in her favor.

Her siblings who didn’t agree. As the official score keeper, I went to the sideline to review the instant replay monitor and called the game a tie, which certainly prevented a bench-clearing brawl.

lincbaseball

We moved on to baseball. Or as close to the game of baseball one can come using a Spiderman bat and volleyball.

I showed both Lincoln and Luca how to hold a baseball bat. The proper grip, stance and motion were all part of the lecture. Just as I thought I was getting through, Luca said, “Just throw the ball, dad”.

I found myself giving the same advice my father gave me. I can’t imagine the number of hours my father spent playing catch with me. I can still hear the *smack* of the ball hitting my glove just right. Or the times he’d toss batting practice and I’d lace a hit into the street. My dad would race after the ball to keep it from going down the storm drain.

The older I get, the more I realize how often I give my children the same advice my parents gave me.

“Keep your chin on your shoulder and drive though the ball”

“If you take it, you eat it”

“No running in the church”

“Don’t sit too close to the TV”

“Hustle every play”

“All four chair legs on the floor”

“Say excuse me”

The phrases I told myself I’d never use on my own kids are the ones I repeat the most often. Maybe they contain the most universal truth. Or they could be the only ones I remember.

But it does make me aware that what I say to my children make take up permanent residence in their minds.

So when Lincoln asked me to retrieve the ball he smacked into the neighbor’s yard, I just smiled.

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There are Days

There are days that start off poorly and only get worse.

The days I can barely get out of bed because I played basketball till midnight foolishly assuming I still have the energy and body of a 20-year old.

The nights when baby Kai sleeps in 20 minute increments between yelling and wall kicking. Perfect_Pushup_2

The evenings when my kids petition for a new dad because the incumbent won’t let them eat popcorn and “Gogurt” for dinner.

The afternoons when I become glued to my computer and fail to help Kim around the house.

The nights I stay up way too late watching six episodes of SportsCenter followed by a 30 minute infomercial for the “Perfect Pushup”.  Maybe if I was as ripped as this guy my kids would finally flush their floaters.

There are days where I put my headphones on to drown out a fight that started when Lincoln’s game of Super Mario was interrupted by a belch to the ear delivered by his sister.

There are days when the day’s work gives me a headache, and I walk in the door and crash on the couch without any regard to what Kim went through that day.

I’ve had nearly 12 years to work on becoming a better husband. I’m like the baseball player who can’t make it out of Double A ball because he can’t hit lefties.

Students have earned advanced degrees in far less time, so why does it feel like I’m still stuck in remedial fatherhood much of the time? I should have learned my lesson on the midterm that whites and colors don’t mix. What do you mean Luca doesn’t need another pink t-shirt?

Many times, fatherhood feels like a pop quiz where the kids are asking the questions based on material I had no way of studying beforehand. Occasionally I learn as I go along. Other times, I pencil in “B” to all fifty questions and call it a day.

Yet I keep plugging away.

Because there are nights like tonight where I’m given the opportunity to take my son upstairs to his bed. He’s flops like a warm rag doll over my shoulder as I head up the stairs. He looks so peaceful tucked into his bed. I stand back and look at him and think to myself how lucky I am to have such a great kid.

Maybe I’m the father that finally hits stride in his mid 40’s without the performance enhancing drugs.

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Your Father’s Search Engine

Bing vs. Google.

The comparisons are inevitable.

As Google continues to speed away from Microsoft Live Search in terms of market share (and profits), Ballmer’s crew had to do something drastic. 

And Bing is their Hail Mary.

Which brings us how it stacks up against Google. Some say it’s better than Live Search. Some say it’s clean and fast. It certainly feels modern.

But is it better than Google?

IT DOESN’T MATTER.

Microsoft concedes they are the underdogs, and simply being “as good as Google” will not lead to increased market share.

Search actually works quite well. Most people do not have a search problem. They aren’t looking for a solution because they don’t have a problem.

So why doesn’t it matter?

It doesn’t matter because Microsoft didn’t build Bing for the savvy internet user. Here’s the profile of the average Bing user:

  • Purchases computer at retail store
  • Uses default web browser which is nearly always Internet Explorer
  • Does not know how to change default search provider in browser
  • Leaves homepage set to “MSN"
  • Types “www” in front of every URL

Microsoft understands many users do not under the benefits of  installing a modern and more stable browser such as Firefox, Safari, or Opera. Maybe nobody has shown them the number of cool plugins that are available for these other browsers. Or maybe a browser is just a browser to them in the same way that a pair of skis are just skis to a beginner.

Whatever the reason, Microsoft is aware of the fact that the sheer number of Windows users automatically guarantees Internet Explorer will be the default browser on most computers. And what search engine do you think Internet Explorer uses unless the user changes it?

Let’s see how easy it is to change the default search engine in Internet Explorer to Google. Just complete the following ten steps:

  1. With IE open, click on “Tools”
  2. Select “Internet Options”
  3. Select “Programs” tab
  4. Click “Manage add-ons” button
  5. Another window open. Select “Search Providers” from left pane
  6. At very bottom of window, select “Find more search providers”
  7. Another instance of IE opens. Scroll through list till you find “Google Search Suggestions”
  8. Click “Add to Internet Explorer”
  9. Another box pops up. Click “Make this my default search provider” box.
  10. Click “Add”

Thank you, Microsoft, for streamlining the process!

How many people do you know who will jump through all those hoops? Will your friends? How about your parents or grandparents? Even savvy users will give up and use whatever came with Windows.

Microsoft knows this.

Microsoft has no incentive to make it easy to switch search engines within their browser. I have to believe this factored into Google’s decision to release their own web browser: Chrome.

And that’s why it ultimately doesn’t matter if Bing is better than Google. It doesn’t have to be better. It doesn’t even need to be as good as Google. It merely needs to do a reasonable job. Bing’s search results even LOOK like Google’s. I doubt that’s by accident.

Just as many DVR owners think they are using Tivo when, in reality, they are using some watered down DVR from the cable company, many Bing users will continue to tell others how they “googled it”.

When over 90% of computers run your operating system, you don’t have to build a great web browser. Merely adequate will do.

The same goes for your search engine.

Lunch with Anna

This past week I mentioned to Kim that I didn’t know Anna as well as her two older siblings. I know what Nintendo games she likes to play. I know she loves macaroni and cheese and which Smurf is her favorite. But I don’t really know what makes her tick. I want her to feel comfortable talking to me. By default she goes to her mom. Maybe she gets lost in the shuffle. Luca is our oldest and is involved in many activities. And Lincoln is my oldest son who enjoys working with me around the yard. I need to find some common ground with Anna and go from there.

So I decided to look for an opportunity this week to spend time with Anna without the distraction of her siblings.

annalynn

Today, the opportunity arose where I was able to take her to work with me. I moved her car seat over to my car and left for Redmond. I knew I had about 40 minutes in the car with my youngest daughter to talk about whatever she wanted. I adjusted the rearview mirror so I could see her face in the backseat. She gave me an awkward smile framed around her cute blond hair.

I started by lobbing a few softball questions like what did she enjoy about pre-school. I know. What a lame cop-out question.

“But dad, aren’t you going to turn on your music?”

“Nope, I want to talk to you”

It doesn’t take long for me to realize that Anna would make a great politician. She answers the question she wishes I had asked.

Anna isn’t sure what to make of all this attention being paid to her by her father, and that makes me sad.

As we near my office she begins to open up a bit more.

“If Grandpa and Grandma take us to Disneyland again, will you give me some gum so my ears will pop in the plane?”

Her questions surprise me. But all of them make me smile. I have a bright and inquisitive 5-year old daughter whom I want to know better. I realize that it takes time. I can’t rush it. But I don’t want to be one of those fathers who puts work ahead of his family and then tries to build a relationship with his children when they are teenagers.

For lunch we walked to one of the many cafés on the Microsoft campus. Anna orders a slice of cheese pizza, chocolate milk, and a cookie. She was reserved, and maybe a little intimidated at the sight of so many strangers. She sat next to me and asked a couple of questions.

“Is this what big people do when they go to work?”

“Why does everyone carry a computer to lunch?”

I wasn’t sure I was making much progress. We finished lunch and began walking back to my office. As we crossed through several parking lots and busy streets, Anna took my hand and held it tight.

And she didn’t let go until she was safely back in my office.

As I tucked her into bed tonight, I asked if she had fun at my office today. She glanced to make sure Lincoln and Luca were listening before replying, “It’s the best time I ever had going to work”.

That made me smile all night.

Flip Flops

Whenever we’re out shopping I’ll ask Kim if the kids need anything. I don’t know why I ask anymore because inevitably she’ll reply, “Maybe some new rain boots”.

Which makes sense since we live in Seattle where one can never have too many rain boots, umbrellas or Starbucks mint chocolate chip cream frappuccinos.

But today we woke up to clear blue skies and lots of sun. When we saw these flip flops at Macy’s this afternoon we felt it was time to encourage the weather Gods to continue providing us with gorgeous warm weather.

The kids were so excited to sport their colorful summer footwear they begged me to cut the tags off in the store so they could wear them home.

As we walked out of the store, the kids were drawn to the water fountain where they removed their flip flops and dangled their little legs in the water.

Come on, summer. Don’t let us down now.

flipflops

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A Bubble Wrap Break

My entire body was sore after I spent an hour chasing a small blue ball around a racquetball court tonight. Occasionally I caught up to the ball and smacked the little bugger. But the chasing outnumbered the smacking, and my legs felt like Jello.

As I walked from the garage to our home I thought, “I hope the kids are asleep”. Or, at the very least, Kim has pumped them full of Benadryl. The last thing I needed were four kids jumping on me or pulling at my sore muscles.

kidsbikes

Piggy-back rides to bed will have to wait.

When I walked into the living room, the only person who looked like she was pumped full of Benadryl was Kim. The kids were wide awake and wild as could be. I plopped down on the couch.

“I get to sit by dad!

“So do I!”

“I called it first!”

I know their ploy. They hope I’ll hand over my iPhone so they can play the bubble wrap game.

So I sat there with one arm around each daughter watching “Jon & Kate Plus 8” and trying to imagine what my life would be like with twice the number of children. I also wonder how much Jon is getting paid to stay with Kate who is giving Spencer Pratt a run for his money as the least likeable character on TV.

I like that both daughters want to spend time with me. They don’t care if I’ve been at work all day or ran off to the gym tonight. I might be exhausted, but they haven’t given that any thought. All they care about is the fact that I’m home now, and they want my attention.

Over the next hour I will listen to Luca and Lincoln play a duet on the piano. I’ll wipe a few noses and hike a pair of pants over some plumber’s crack. I’ll listen to Lincoln read me a story about “Sam & Matt”. I’ll beat Luca’s high score on the bubble wrap game and record my name as “Anna” just to see her reaction. I’ll trip over a massive gathering of Polly Pockets and dinosaurs in the middle of the room. I’ll clean a few ears and chase kids up the stairs. If I’m lucky, we’ll say a prayer together without someone’s butt getting blessed.

The times I feel like I need a break as the dad are often the times my kids need their father the most.

The Day I Started Blogging

Although I’ve been blogging off and on since 1999, it wasn’t until I wrote this post about walking away from my job at Microsoft that I felt my blog had a purpose beyond the fact that I enjoyed writing.

Up until that time, I’d written over 1000 posts that covered various topics ranging from gadget reviews to thoughts on becoming a father. But something changed with that post. I was more open than I’d been before. I exposed a number of my faults. But, for whatever reason, I hit on a topic that many people could relate to.

I’ve received dozens of emails about that post. One person called me a knucklehead for leaving a stable job with the largest software company in the world. A few thought I should have handled the situation better than I did, and I agree with them. But most were very supportive. One memorable email came from a lady who told me her job was making her sick, but she didn’t realize it until one of her friends forwarded her a link to my blog. She left her job a few weeks later and wrote to tell me about it.

As I was thinking about this today, I had a short chat with a friend I’ve not seen for many years. I asked how he and his family are doing along with a few more questions to get caught up. And then he said something interesting. He said, “I suppose I should return the favor and ask how you’re doing, but I already know because I’ve read your blog for years”.

I encouraged him to start a blog and he said he didn’t have time. That’s the most popular excuse I hear. Occasionally I’ll hear “I don’t have anything interesting to say” or “Nobody would read my blog”.

But I wish more of my friends and coworkers would blog. I’ve become increasingly suspicious of people who don’t blog. I wonder what they have to hide. I don’t buy the “I don’t have the time” excuse. What they should say is, “It’s not important enough to me to make the time”. I want to know what makes them tick.

To those who are considering starting a blog, my one bit of advice is to write from the heart. Be honest. It’s fine to detail the good and the bad. A wart here or there reminds us that you’re human. That’s what real life is about. Blogs that are devoid of any disappointment or sadness come across as having been written by someone nobody can relate to.

It’s hard to believe it’s been nearly 10 years since I walked off the job and another 9 years before I blogged about that experience. At the time I felt I was opening up too much. Showing my imperfections. What if a potential employer came across the post? What will my friends think?

I had nothing to worry about. Just the opposite. It was the beginning of my blog as I know it today.

I Need A Watch

Lincoln: Hey, dad, I need a watch.

Me: What would you do with a watch?

Lincoln: I’d tell time.

Me: Oh…you know how to tell time?

Lincoln: *scowls*

Me: I’ll show you how. 

Lincoln: All I know is that if the little hand’s like on the 6 it’s o’thirty, but if the big hand’s on top it’s o’clock.

Me: (pointing to clock on the wall showing 6:45 pm) What time is it now?

Lincoln: I don’t know. I’ll have to wait till it’s 7:30.

The Parenting Gap

Having a child is a lot like skiing. Everyone has an opinion. Sometimes you get wet and feel like crying. But most will tell you the experience improves over time if you show patience. 

Before Luca was born we read magazines and listened to advice from doctors and friends. We even went down the “must have” list that Babys “R” Us  gave us. As luck would have it, every item on the list was available at Babys “R” Us! Imagine that.  bone

I suspect there’s some psychology at work here on new parents. Having a list to check off provides a comfort during a stressful and confusing time. By the time Luca was born we’d finished off most of the list including the expensive digital thermometer which we later found out shouldn’t be used on babies.

Although we had no idea what we were doing we could solace in the fact we’d gathered dozens of items our newborn could not care less about. I lost count the number of times I was told how to use a car seat. Their insistence told me they assumed I was planning to drive around the streets of Seattle with one arm on the wheel and the other holding our baby out the window.

I tried my best to contribute and do whatever a new father is supposed to do. I was a mix of my own father on good days. And Al Bundy on bad days.

As far as I could tell my only two jobs were to empty the diaper genie and keep foreign objects out of Luca’s mouth. Loosely translated, that required keeping our dog’s chew toys away from our baby. Every item the baby came in contact with had to be clean. Like the bubble boy without the bubble.

I didn’t realize how much things had changed between the time Luca was born till today. Nearly 7 years has passed, and our fourth child, Kai, is almost 18 months old. This week Kai decided to put his face in our dog’s water bowl. Had Luca done that same, we would have been on the phone with a doctor asking if we should bring her in for a tetanus shot.

But we’ve changed. And I didn’t realize how much until I realized that instead of pulling Kai away from the water bowl, Kim grabbed the Flip Mino to capture his antics on video.

But don’t worry. There’s no need to notify family services.

Because he wasn’t able to down more than a few pieces of dog food before we grabbed him.