My entire body was sore after I spent an hour chasing a small blue ball around a racquetball court tonight. Occasionally I caught up to the ball and smacked the little bugger. But the chasing outnumbered the smacking, and my legs felt like Jello.

As I walked from the garage to our home I thought, “I hope the kids are asleep”. Or, at the very least, Kim has pumped them full of Benadryl. The last thing I needed were four kids jumping on me or pulling at my sore muscles.

Piggy-back rides to bed will have to wait.

When I walked into the living room, the only person who looked like she was pumped full of Benadryl was Kim. The kids were wide awake and wild as could be. I plopped down on the couch.

“I get to sit by dad!

“So do I!”

“I called it first!”

I know their ploy. They hope I’ll hand over my iPhone so they can play the bubble wrap game.

So I sat there with one arm around each daughter watching “Jon & Kate Plus 8” and trying to imagine what my life would be like with twice the number of children. I also wonder how much Jon is getting paid to stay with Kate who is giving Spencer Pratt a run for his money as the least likeable character on TV.

I like that both daughters want to spend time with me. They don’t care if I’ve been at work all day or ran off to the gym tonight. I might be exhausted, but they haven’t given that any thought. All they care about is the fact that I’m home now, and they want my attention.

Over the next hour I will listen to Luca and Lincoln play a duet on the piano. I’ll wipe a few noses and hike a pair of pants over some plumber’s crack. I’ll listen to Lincoln read me a story about “Sam & Matt”. I’ll beat Luca’s high score on the bubble wrap game and record my name as “Anna” just to see her reaction. I’ll trip over a massive gathering of Polly Pockets and dinosaurs in the middle of the room. I’ll clean a few ears and chase kids up the stairs. If I’m lucky, we’ll say a prayer together without someone’s butt getting blessed.

The times I feel like I need a break as the dad are often the times my kids need their father the most.

Having a child is a lot like skiing. Everyone has an opinion. Sometimes you get wet and feel like crying. But most will tell you the experience improves over time if you show patience. 

Before Luca was born we read magazines and listened to advice from doctors and friends. We even went down the “must have” list that Babys “R” Us  gave us. As luck would have it, every item on the list was available at Babys “R” Us! Imagine that. 

I suspect there’s some psychology at work here on new parents. Having a list to check off provides a comfort during a stressful and confusing time. By the time Luca was born we’d finished off most of the list including the expensive digital thermometer which we later found out shouldn’t be used on babies.

Although we had no idea what we were doing we could solace in the fact we’d gathered dozens of items our newborn could not care less about. I lost count the number of times I was told how to use a car seat. Their insistence told me they assumed I was planning to drive around the streets of Seattle with one arm on the wheel and the other holding our baby out the window.

I tried my best to contribute and do whatever a new father is supposed to do. I was a mix of my own father on good days. And Al Bundy on bad days.

As far as I could tell my only two jobs were to empty the diaper genie and keep foreign objects out of Luca’s mouth. Loosely translated, that required keeping our dog’s chew toys away from our baby. Every item the baby came in contact with had to be clean. Like the bubble boy without the bubble.

I didn’t realize how much things had changed between the time Luca was born till today. Nearly 7 years has passed, and our fourth child, Kai, is almost 18 months old. This week Kai decided to put his face in our dog’s water bowl. Had Luca done that same, we would have been on the phone with a doctor asking if we should bring her in for a tetanus shot.

But we’ve changed. And I didn’t realize how much until I realized that instead of pulling Kai away from the water bowl, Kim grabbed the Flip Mino to capture his antics on video.

But don’t worry. There’s no need to notify family services.

Because he wasn’t able to down more than a few pieces of dog food before we grabbed him.