Here’s What I Realized Today

One of my friends is a dentist improves people’s smiles and self confidence.

My father taught high school kids for over 30 years and influenced thousands of kids for the better.

My mother-in-law was an advocate for people with disabilities and improved many lives over many years.

Another friend counsels high-risk youth and saves lives.

My grandmother taught 2nd graders how to read and write.

I manage a group of technicians who help the world’s largest and richest software company sell more software and become even richer.

*sigh*

The Joys of Family

I remember the exact place and time. I was standing in our kitchen in our small home in Woodinville, WA. Kim stood next to me. I could tell she was excited about something but was waiting for the right time to tell me. She was giddy and nervous and I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

She finally got around to saying, “We are having a baby!” and I stood there stunned and not sure what to say. But my initial shock quickly wore off and we smile and hugged each other for a long time. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for days. Everywhere I went, I would tell myself over and over, “I’m going to be a dad”. Maybe I felt that if I said it enough I’d start to feel like one.

We now have four children and each time Kim told me another one was on the way, I was thrilled. I figured that with each child I’d feel more mature and more prepared to welcome the next one into our family. But that wasn’t the case. Each time I experienced a number of emotions ranging from excitement to shock to sheer joy to feeling overwhelmed. I believe this is normal.

With each child we wondered how the next would change the dynamics of our family. I wouldn’t say we planned the arrival for each child, waiting for the ideal time for another child. There’s a magic surrounding the birth of a child and I felt too much planning would ruin the moment. One of the great joys of raising children is seeing how they interact and grow together, and we are happy with our decisions to have them close in age.

Before I leave for work each morning, I  walk into their rooms and kiss them goodbye. It’s the only time of the day their little bodies aren’t running or dancing or wiggling around. I never tire of this routine. Yet some mornings, I stand back to look at them and wonder why I deserve such a rich life full of great kids. They bring so much happiness into my life.

Of course, there are many challenges and I make lots of mistakes. But the good time are so fantastic that it’s hard to imagine my life without them.

A Performance Review for Fathers?

Once a year I meet with my boss who critiques my performance for the past year. He tells me what he expects from me going forward and I try to answer his questions in a manner that leads to earning a raise. Maybe I’m asked to set a few goals to keep HR happy, but it’s all standard corporate procedure. I then go back to work for another year before the process repeats itself. animal-cracker

I wonder if I should be held similarly responsible for my  kids and my role as their father? Where’s the annual performance review for fathers? If I make a bad hire at work I’m held responsible. Yet if I feed my kids pink and white animal cookies and Diet Coke for breakfast there’s nobody there ready to assess my decisions. 

It’s as if the title of Dad was too easy to come by or someone had a quota to meet. I’m quite certain I didn’t perform at such a high level as the Single Selfish Guy to deserve a promotion to Father in Training. Yet I wonder what my performance review would look like if I were given one as a father last year. I suspect it might look like this:

Strengths:

  • Makes decent microwave popcorn
  • Extends bedtime when mom’s out of town
  • Tells scary bedtime stories

Weaknesses:

  • Fills bathtub too deep or too hot
  • Watches “World Wildest Police Chases” with kids
  • Encourages son to do Cornholio impression

Overall Assessment: His heart is in the right place but he comes up short often in areas such as cooking, TV supervision and nutrition. We may have promoted him too soon. Only time will tell, but he has a lot to learn. We’ll monitor him closely this summer especially in the areas of visits to the library and appropriate attire selection for church.

Perpetual Interruptions

When is the last time you sat down to discuss a topic with a friend and they gave you their full attention? Did you look at each other eyes and actively listen to each other without being interrupted by a cell phone or email or text message?

Coworkers are the worst offenders. I can’t think of the last time I had a meeting with a coworker when we made it five minutes before his phone rang or someone knocked at the door or an email arrived that couldn’t wait to be read.

When you take that call you tell the person with whom you’re currently conversing “This call is more important than you are”. Have these people heard of voicemail? Who says you have to take the call anyway? The culture at Microsoft is one where people are expected to multi-task which is another way of saying, “Do a mediocre job on a lot of tasks instead of a stellar job on one or two”.

I attended a meeting yesterday with three people and I was the only one who brought along a pad of paper and pen while they all had laptops. I lost count of the number of times someone said, “Can you repeat that?” because they were busying emailing instead of listening. Why schedule a meeting if you’re going to sit there and do email? The next time this happens I’m going to excuse myself and go back to my office. At least in my office I can listen to Pink Floyd.

My four year old daughter has a longer attention span and is a better listener than most people I interact with at work. She will look at me when I talk to her. She won’t look down at her toys or run off to a friend who might have something more interesting to discuss. She’s there – living in the moment.

My grandmother didn’t grow up with a computer or iPod or cell phone. Maybe that’s one reason I love talking with her about anything. She focuses on me and only me and I feel like the most important person in the world. She has a way of tuning out surrounding distractions. I love spending time with her, and I know she will give me her full attention.

What types of children are we raising today when we, through example, show them it’s OK to get up in the middle in a conversation and answer the phone or check our Blackberry or respond to a text message? Just maybe it’s not the Playstation or Xbox or Nintendo games that are the problem rather it’s the adults and our failing to give them our full attention that’s leading to so many kids with ADD.

Just Add Water

I’ve stumbled onto a secret yesterday that I’m surprised I didn’t recognize earlier:

Water + Chore = Fun

For example, asking one my children to feed the dog results in more than a few “why me?” shrugs. But ask one of them refill the dogs water dish and fight breaks out over who gets to do it.

Having a hard time getting your kids to work in the yard? Just the suggestion of getting to water the flowers (and a lot of driveway and street) will have them running for their work gloves.

Yesterday I decided to wash both cars. I started to lecture the kids on the importance of staying in the back yard while dad worked out front and then it hit me: Hey, this gang of energy might as well start pulling their own weight around here.

So I filled a bucket of soap and water and located a rag for each child. I started two kids on opposite sides of the car and gave Anna Lynn the task of washing the wheels. I went around washing the windows and hood, but I was impressed at how well the kids cleaned everything else!

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Anna Lynn washing the wheels and the driveway

The only problem I ran into was all three kids wanted to spray the soap off the car and we only have two cars. But even this was solved when I realized Lincoln would rather squirt his sisters than spray off the car so I put him on “towel off all the doors” duty.

Now I just need to dream up a scheme that convinces them how exciting it would be to vacuum the cars.

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The Couch Cushion Fort

My parents had an old brown and orange couch with big puffy cushions that I’d assemble into my own Bat Cave. It was my own little domain. At least for a few minutes before the whole thing would collapse and I’d scramble to get the cushions back on the couch before mom busted me.

So it’s no wonder my kids love making their own couch cushion fort. I’m not sure what Kim and I were thinking when we bought this set of furniture a couple of years ago. We should have recognized the cushions were removable and put 2 and 2 together.

The forts my kids build are a lot more complex than those I assembled. Luca and Lincoln will use blankets, chairs, brooms and the treadmill to create a fort with several rooms. I’m amazed at how much time they will spend preparing the fort and making sure each area is stable.

I don’t love the mess a broken down fort in the basement leaves, but I enjoy sneaking into the room and listening to them make plans deciding who gets which part of the fort.

I always blow my own cover when I start laughing at their plans. Eventually I end up chasing the kids through the fort till it falls to the ground. That’s when I’m left folding the blankets while the kids put the cushions back on the couch in a manner only they understand.

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Family vs. Work

If you have children I’m sure you know the look. It’s the combination sneer and eye rolling one occasionally receives when family matters bleed into the work environment.

I received the look a couple of weeks ago when I decided to leave work an hour early to make it back in time for my daughter’s talent show. I’m at the point now that I can easily brush off the look when it’s coming from coworkers, but this time it was different.

It’s a lot harder to ignore the look when it comes from your boss. Early in my career I sacrificed everything for my job assuming that my company would reward my dedication and loyalty. But I found out that it’s a one way street and I was headed down it the wrong way. I will say that my boss is much better than a few I’ve had who have zero tolerance for family related issues. He may not understand my ways, but he’s been quite tolerant of my occasional schedule changes.

I’ve called in sick to take care of a sick spouse or child. I’ve played hooky a few times when I felt like taking my kids to the park or a movie. I’ve shifted my work schedule in order to spend time my kids.

I know my refusal to put my work before my family may costs me promotions and plush assignments. But I’ve always got my work done on time and I never slough off work onto coworkers. That means I have to be creative in getting my assignments completed outside normal office hours. It means I don’t take 2 hour lunch breaks or numerous coffee breaks throughout the day.

Are they family friendly companies out there today that understand this and appreciate people who put family before work? If so, where are they?

The Fringe Benefits of Piano Lessons

We attended Luca’s third piano recital this evening, and she did a magnificent job. She played a song called “Song of the Sea Shell” that included more difficult timing than she’s performed before, but she practiced for many hours and pulled it off.

I noticed a few fringe benefits Luca has enjoyed by taking piano lessons. When she started to take lessons she was very shy not comfortable performing in public. But her piano teacher expects her to walk on stage, face the audience and say her name and announce the song she’ll be playing. She’s calmly announced her song at each recital, and it’s apparent how much time her teacher has spent with her in this regard. This is a valuable skill to learn at any age.

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When the kids finished performing their musical numbers, Luca’s teacher stepped to the front of the group and asked “Do you remember what to say when someone gives you a compliment?”

In unison, nearly 20 kids said, “We say THANK YOU!” The teacher nodded her head and reminded them again to graciously accepted complements and to not worry or mention any mistakes that were made. “Your family and friends came to support you tonight and they don’t care if you made mistakes”.

What a fantastic teacher!

I’m thrilled that Luca has improved her piano skills over the past year. But I’m just as excited to see her confidence grow along with her ability to perform in front of a group and learn to accept appreciation for a song well played.

The Difference Between Microsoft and Apple

Robert Cringely writes the best article about Microsoft and Apple I’ve come across in a long time. I’ve had many discussions with friends who are current and former employees of Microsoft and they can’t seem to grasp what Cringely explains in  exquisite detail:

In every business there is some version of the 80-20 rule that says 80 percent of the business comes from 20 percent of the customers. Smart businesses do whatever they can to play to that powerful 20 percent…There’s another kind of company, however, that applies the 80-20 rule in a different manner and Apple is one of those companies. They aim everything they do at that top 20 percent and ignore the rest…There are other companies that take a similar market approach to Apple, but few of them are in the computer business. BMW and Porsche are good examples…If Microsoft gets only 20 percent of any market it enters, they consider that effort a failure and it would be, because Microsoft’s business is scaled and its cost structure is optimized for really, really big numbers of mindless and fairly undemanding customers

This describes the differences between Microsoft and Apple better than anything I’ve come across. This explains why Microsoft products like Zune and Live Search haven’t been widely accepted. Those products aren’t aimed at the top 20%. They are products aimed as the masses which might work when your previous version has a huge installed based for a product like Vista. But it’s an uphill battle when your product doesn’t stand out against the likes of the iPod or Google search.

Microsoft isn’t the Porsche or the BMW of software. They are the Toyota Camry: cheap, lots of features, reliable, but not very exciting. But good enough to meet the needs for the majority of drivers.

And when I listen to Balmer and Gates keynotes all I hear are references about OEMs and partners and resellers. You seldom hear either of them talk about products for the consumer. I find it interesting that my two favorite Microsoft products are ones they give away for free and don’t have giant armies of programmers and marketers behind: Windows Live Photo Gallery and Windows Live Writer. They are both simple and fun to use programs.

As I read the Cringely article I was reminded of a blog post Seth Godin wrote a while back about titled, “Why Downloading Firefox is like getting into College”. Very similar concept.