Month: March 2008

Day Dream Believer

The field was sopping wet and mud was getting tossed all over the shorts, socks and faces of the kids. Occasionally a soccer ball was kicked towards the goal, yet most of the time, the coach would yell, “Kick it this way!” as the ball headed out of bounce for the 20th time. I watched the coach gently turn several kids around to get them going down the field in the right direction. All in a days work when coaching a group of five year olds.

My five year old son, Lincoln, started playing soccer this year and we are surprised to see a side of him that we’d not seen before. He’s much more confident and aggressive than we expected running right into the mix after the ball.

DSC_1911 
Lincoln spending the afternoon at a muddy soccer practice

Yet as the coach separated the kids into two teams for a scrimmage, Lincoln couldn’t keep from his hands off a large pole in a pool of mud. He’d quietly drift behind the goal till he reached the spot.  Maybe it was the pole. Maybe the mud. Either way, it was more interesting than soccer so he continued going back to it even after the coach called him back to the field several times.

Kim and I smiled at each other as we watched this struggle between player and coach from the sidelines. I supposed one of us could have gone down on the field and taken care of the issue, but we didn’t. It was a good learning experience for Lincoln in taking direction from an adult other than his parents.

As I watched Lincoln wander off I couldn’t help but think he’s a curious kid and with a short attention span. I can relate to that well as I get bored very easily and will find alternate activities to keep busy.

If Lincoln does have a little day dreamer in him, he can blame his parents.

Technorati Tags: , , ,

Nothing But Chain

Remember the McDonalds commercial that has Larry Bird and Michael Jordan playing a game of where the first person who misses gets the Big Mac and fries? Each star drains one crazy shot after another until Jordan is shooting from the parking lot. Each player ends their shot call with the phrase, “nothing but net” while we hear the loud swoosh sound

I love that sound. It brings back so many great memories as a kid. My dad had a basketball stand installed in our front yard overlooking the driveway. My friends and I would play for hours until it was dark and we couldn’t see the rim. Only mom yelling for us to come inside for dinner would pull us off the court. My favorite shot to take, especially when going for the win in a game of H-O-R-S-E, was the long bomb from the street. Any shot fired in from there was sure to put a quick end to the game. I’d practice the street shot for hours and hours. What made the shot especially difficult was the sun was in your face most of the time. I’d squint, take a quick look in the direction of the rim, get a running start and launch the ball from my hip. It’s a 1 in 30 shot if that.

But oh the sound of that net when the ball swished in! You could hear the swoosh from across the street. The sound of the ball whipping the net up and over the rim was music to my ears. The swoosh meant I’d hit the perfect shot. No rim, no backboard. Nothing but net.

I thought of this commercial as I shot baskets at a local elementary school tonight while my son played soccer. There were six baskets to shoot at and all had these terrible nets made of chain. I can imagine they use metal nets because they are less likely to be stolen and may last longer than those made of nylon. When I was in elementary school we’d start the year off with brand new white nets on all the baskets. By the end of the year the nets were stained black and most were torn or had been removed entirely.

DSC_1899 
Neither Bird nor Jordan would approve of this net at Hazelwood Elementary.

So I guess that a chain net is better than no net at all. But part of the fun of shooting baskets is hearing the swoosh sound when you nail a shot from long range. It’s a sound anyone who plays sports will instantly recognize. The chain nets make a terrible sound as they clank around after a made shot. The reward for making a basket is that the chain shaves off a bit of your ball like a cheese grater does to a block of cheddar.

In the quest to reduce the amount of maintenance to these baskets, we’ve removed one of the nuances that make basketball such an enjoyable sport. I say bring back the nylon nets. So what if the nets need to be replaced once or twice a year. The kids should be rewarded with the sound of swooshing nets when they make a basket.

Technorati Tags: , ,

Coloring Easter Eggs

Whoever invented the custom of coloring Easter eggs must not have had children because if any color got on our eggs it was certainly by accident. We did color a lot of other items, most of which are not at all related to Easter unless the table, chairs, hair, faces and dog count.

The egg coloring kit came with five color tablets. I carefully separated the colors pouring the recommended amounts of water and vinegar into the color coded cups. All was going well until the kids demanded they test out the flimsy egg dunker that looks like it’s made out of one extra large paperclip. I have no idea what demented mind created this thing, but it only works if you have a perfectly balanced egg and the skilled hands of a brain surgeon. The egg dunker in the hands of my kids is just a cruel way of transporting eggs from the carton onto the floor in record time.

eggs

I laughed when I picked up the egg coloring kit and saw these gorgeous eggs that must have been colored by Martha Stewart.  A more realistic picture would include the eggs my 3-year old dunked into all five colors. She reminded me of the days I’d gross out out my parents by ordering the Kamikaze snow-cone with one squirt of each flavor. She created the egg coloring equivalent of the Kamikaze.

We eventually colored all the eggs. Those that hadn’t turned black received the sticker treatment. I forget that kids don’t understand the notion of pacing themselves, and instead of putting three or four stickers on each egg, decided it was best to put 50 stickers on three eggs. No wonder Kim had to make a quick Target run leaving me in charge.

We made a mess, dyed our hands, and maybe even drank some vinegar. But we survived. And you know what? The eggs the kids created are more beautiful than those on the coloring kit cover because they were lovingly hand-crafted by by three great kids. Take that, Martha!

I Like My Chances

On my way into work, I passed two signs that caught my eye. I noticed the first sign as I passed the newly renovated Taco Bell. A large banner across the front of the store announced: "ALWAYS HIRING". I wonder if Taco Bell has so much turnover they are always looking for help?  Or maybe they constantly churn their staff. You just need to be a little better than their worst employee. Either way, I doubt it builds much employee morale.

The second sign hung from an Arby’s just down the road from the Taco Bell. When I saw the sign I couldn’t stop laughing as I imagined an Arby’s district manager coming into town and cleaning house. The sign said, "NOW HIRING 3 MANAGERS AND 3 ASSISTANT MANAGERS". I wonder who is managing the store today??

Technorati Tags: ,,

Resume and Interview Madness

I’ve gone through well over 100 resumes and conducted over 35 interviews during the past month. I enjoy this part of my job a lot although it oftentimes feels like I’m looking for a needle in a haystack.

Many candidates are so used to explaining why they left their last job, what their weaknesses are and where they want to be in five years they don’t know what to do when asked a question they’ve never heard before.  So when I interview I think of two or three questions the interviewee likely hasn’t been asked and watch how they react. Here are a few questions I’ve asked:

  • What blogs do you read and why?
  • What is the one thing this company does better than anyone else?
  • Tell me about the last company that provided you with fantastic service.

I’d reckon that the law of thirds applies to those I interview: 1/3 = Good, 1/3 = Weird, 1/3 = Forgettable. I understand some will become nervous when a job is on the line and make mistakes, but here are a few of the more interesting things I came across:

  • Several people showed up over an hour before their scheduled time.
  • One person forgot to write his name on the application yet wrote his City, State and Zip down twice.
  • One person showed up for a second interview in ragged jeans and a sweatshirt to interview with my manager.
  • One person admitted he was a C student in college because he was there for the social life, not merely the classes.
  • One  recent college grad with little experience submitted a 5 page resume.
  • Several email addresses didn’t give off a good first impression. I saw several with words like “party”, “hunk”, and “vixen” in them.
  • One person brought 7 letters of recommendation to the interview and asked if he could read a few out loud to me.
  • Several people forgot to turn off their phones.
  • One person asked to see the “company shirts”.
  • One person asked our receptionist if she had a Yellow Pages he could borrow to locate the addresses for a few past employers.
  • My Favorite: One guy asked how “extensive” the required drug test is.

Most people I bring in are good people, and I enjoy getting to know them. It’s not easy when I find someone I really like as a person, but know they wouldn’t be a good fit for the company. And it’s never fun calling someone to explain they didn’t get the job. I remember when I was a newly minted college graduate making the interview rounds. Some companies were respectful and kind even when declining to hire me. Others like Enterprise Rent A Car were so condescending and disrespectful that I decided then and there that I’d never give them a dime. And that was 14 years ago.

If I could give people looking for a job three interview tips they would be:

  1. Act like you WANT the job. Show some emotion and passion! All things being equal, I’ll choose the person who wants it more.
  2. Be able to articulate at least 2 things you do very well and give memorable examples to back them up.
  3. Instead of sending me a bland resume, send a short cover letter with your blog address.

Games We Play

Each night before the kids head off to bed they beg and plead and occasionally bribe me to play a game with them. The type of game doesn’t matter as long as it meets the one important criteria: The game must be one that I make up on the spot.

In the past I’ve played a game where the kids run around the living room in circles while I toss couch cushions and throw pillows at them until mom asks WHAT-THE-HECK-DO-WE-THINK-WE’RE-DOING!

Another game I made up while trying to rest on the couch goes something like this: The kids try to sneak up and pull my socks off before I can smack them over the head with a pillow.

Each game I make up includes the tossing or hiding of items that weren’t made for that purpose. That’s what makes the game fun. That’s also what bothers mom. These games are best played while mom is running errands.

Tonight we played a game where the kids line up on the couch and I make a comment that applies to one of them like, “I’m going to tickle the person with the longest hair”. The kids laugh till they cry. Sometimes they just cry if they get passed over one too many times.

I decided to switch things up tonight by chasing the kids around the living room with a nursing cushion that looks like a pillow in the shape of Pac Man. I call it the JAWS OF DEATH if only to make it sound more threatening than its appearance gives off. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Kim use this item. It looks like it could be a neck brace or nifty platform to hold up a set of nursing boobs at just the right angle. I really should pay more attention to these things. But the game entails capturing each child in a Pac Man grip and relocating them back to the couch.

My goal in any of these games is to wear out the kids before I collapse. So far I’m 0 for 25.

Technorati Tags:

My Top 11 Blogging Tips

I’ve been blogging now for over eight years. Back when I started I followed a few blogs including Scripting News which is still one of my favorite blogs. None of my friends or family had any clue what a blog was so I had to use words other than “blog” to describe what I was doing. Telling my guy friends that I kept an online journal was the equivalent of admitting I kept a secret diary in my lockable Hello Kitty notebook. It just wasn’t very cool. But around 2004 more people started to take notice and I could use the word, blog, in most settings without risk of embarrassment and confused stares.

I figured I’d throw together a few things I’ve learned over the years about blogging. Here are my top 11 blogging tips:

  1. Your writing is more important than your blogging platform, theme, plugins and style sheet. If your writing is top notch, nobody will care how ugly your blog is.
  2. Starting a blog is easy. The first few weeks or even months is exciting. But after a while, it takes time and dedication. Most will bail, but the best will push through.
  3. The A-List Bloggers talk about the same topics, so don’t worry about subscribing to more than a couple of them. More than three or four and you end up with content overlap. They attend the same conferences and hang out in the same circles.
  4. The best way to grow your readership is to read and comment on other blogs.
  5. Keep your posts as short as possible while still getting your point across. Posts are like resumes: after a page I get bored and move on.
  6. Linking is good. Linking to new or lessor known bloggers is better. Like this one.
  7. Take a stance. I come to your blog looking for your take on things. Tell me what you think, even if it’s controversial. Don’t tell me the plot of the movie. I want to hear whether you enjoyed it or not and why.
  8. Take your own pictures. A picture you took is 10x better than one you found on GIS.
  9. Admit when you made a mistake or changed your mind. I’ve been ripping Vista for over a year. But recently changed my mind after a good experience with it on a new laptop. It’s OK to say, “A while back I felt this way, but now I feel different“.
  10. Encourage and help others start a blog. I’ve helped my wife, mother-in-law, father and numerous friends start blogs. Some have quit while others have created blogs I consider better than my own. This is awesome!
  11. Write today. Write now. Just write!
Technorati Tags: ,

First Time That’s Been Said

As a kid I thought it was funny to create sentences that nobody in the history of the world had ever said before. For example, can you imagine someone has ever uttered the phrase:

Applying eye liner to my sister’s zebra makes me happier than spreading ants on my grandma’s birthday cake

All fairly common words, yet possibly the first time they’ve been assembled in this fashion. Making sense isn’t the key. You just have to be the first person to create the sentence using common words.

I’m not sure what this says about my childhood, but this is the type of activity that would keep me occupied for hours. I’m not embarrassed to admit what I did in my youth, but I’m hesitant to say I still play this game when I’m in the car. Alone.

But the more our kids grow the more I find myself uttering sentences that sound weird and oftentimes inappropriate if taken out of context. And I wonder if those games I played in my youth were merely practice for when kids came along.

It’s to the point now where I’ll say something and only later think back and ponder how it came to be that saying, “Get your hands out of your butt” seemed appropriate at the time.

Over the last week I’ve also said, “Don’t lick your sister’s ear” and “Please don’t bite your brother’s toenails”. I didn’t’ think twice when I used those words. Yet in hindsight, someone may read this and wonder if our family is a bunch of cannibals.

The Beanbag

I feel as though my personal space gets perpetually smaller by the minute. It started a few years back when we bought our dog a nice “doggy bed” to sleep on. At least that was the idea. But Elka would sniff the bed, walk around it a few times, scratch at it and then walk around it again before jumping on the couch to sleep on my legs. And it didn’t matter how big the couch was either as she always rested her paws and chin on my lap. I’d try to scoot her over but it was no use. It’s not easy moving a 70 lb boxer when she doesn’t want to move. And then she’d snore like a sailor.

Yet back then I could still see the TV. Now I have a 6 year old who jumps on my back when my 5 year old climbs on my lap while my 3 year old thinks it’s funny to “spank dad’s butt” while I try to watch SportsCenter. I feel like a human beanbag with too few beans.

I don’t know why we invest in larger couches, recliners or chairs when the kids think it’s perfectly fine to treat dad like a tree fort. When we sat down on the couch to watch 101 Dalmatians, everyone was comfortable except me. I couldn’t see the TV, my legs and arms had gone to sleep and my dog drooled on my leg. 

But I cherish these times because I know it won’t be long before it won’t be cool to sit by dad. So right now, I don’t pluck them off me.

Until Lincoln gives me a “wet willy”.

Technorati Tags:

The 15 Step Printing Process

My father recently purchased a new HP computer with Windows Vista. After a few week of wrangling with a bad sound chip, he’s back in business enjoying his new computer. This past weekend he asked me to help get his HP Deskjet 6127 printer working.

Here’s where things get interesting. Unlike Vista upgrades that are pretty good at telling you which of your installed programs or devices are not supported, plugging an unsupported printer into Vista is like flinging it into a black hole. Maybe it was too simplistic on my part, but I figured his Canon i960 would give him problems before his HP printer would, given his new computer came from HP. But the Canon showed up fine while his HP was missing in action.

I did a quick Google search for the Vista drivers and found the HP support page for his model. I learned that I’ll need to download, install and configure an “alternate” driver for his model which takes no less than 15 steps, including this step, “Change the port from LPT1 to USB or DOT4“. Easy us geeks who do this stuff for a living but not something many people should be expected to understand. Do your parents know what port their current printer is using?

Now my dad is pretty good with computers. He’s worked on them for well over 10 years and is quite comfortable doing basic installs and maintenance. But this driver install is confusing and would be intimidating to those who have never done this before. Someone at HP decided it was easier to create a 15 step work around than it would be to create a Vista driver.

If my brother or I were not around, I’m sure my dad would have bought a new printer that Vista supported. And that’s the rub here. I’m sure HP knows that and has little incentive to create drivers for printers that are a few years old when they can sell new printers to people who don’t know or care about what ports their printer is using. I’ll bet many new computer owners, faced with a similar situation, would blame Microsoft when their printer doesn’t work.

Vista might be a great operating system but it’s only as good as the hardware it supports. If you have one printer and HP hasn’t written a Vista supported driver, you’re hosed. When that happens, the true cost of Vista just increased substantially.

So who should shoulder the blame when this happens? It doesn’t seem fair to bust Microsoft’s chops when a device, made by another company, isn’t supported. Yet isn’t it in Microsoft’s best interest to encourage companies like HP to support printers that are only a couple years old? Maybe they did in this case and HP didn’t listen. Either way, the new computer owner is the loser in such situations.

Technorati Tags: ,