Snickers is one of my favorite candy bars. Last week while at Disneyland, we bought a couple each day to take to the park as a snack. A Snickers just hits the spot when I don’t have time for a full lunch.

While opening a “Fun Sized” Snickers this morning, I noticed a telephone number on the back and decided to give them a call. This isn’t the first time I’ve called a candy company. Experience tells me those who staff these hotlines are probably bored and LOVE to talk about their products.

This time was no exception when I dialed the number and was connected with Terrell from the Mars Snackfood Consumer Care Department.

Terrell: You’ve reached the consumer care department at Mars. My name is Terrell. How can I help you today?

Me: I am a huge fan of the Snickers and have a few questions I hope you can answer.

Terrell: I’ll try my best.

Me: Do you know how many peanuts are in the regular sized Snickers bar?

Terrell: I don’t have that information for the regular sized, King, Fun sized or the Mini. I’ve wondered that myself.

Me: Are you aware of any plans to roll out a Snickers even larger than the King-sized? Maybe you could call it the Emperor or Gargantuan.

Terrell: I don’t know, but I’m happy to make note of your suggestion. You said the Emperor?

Me: Yes, the Emperor or something that sounds big and powerful. What sized Snickers would you recommend I hand out for Halloween this year?

Terrell: Well, that depends on your budget. But I’d suggest the Fun size. Although the elderly prefer the minis because they can stuff a handful in a purse. Diabetics also prefer the mini for a quick boost of energy. You should try our new dark chocolate Snickers.

Me: That’s a good idea. My wife loves dark chocolate. Any other new flavors I should check out?

Terrell: Oh yes. You’ve got to try the new Snickers Rockin’ Nut Road. It has almonds, dark chocolate and a creamy layer of marshmallow. It’s a limited edition run and only available till October 26. You should try it and, if you like it, turn right back around and buy as much as you can because it will only be around for another month.

Me: That does sound tasty. I’m glad to hear you guys haven’t fallen victim to the chipotle fad and considering a chipotle flavored Snickers. Or are you?

Terrell: I’m not aware that we’re doing anything like that.

Me: You’ve been a big help. Is there anything else exciting taking place at Snickers I should plan for?

Terrell: If your spouse enjoys dark chocolate you should have her check out the Dark Raspberry Three Musketeers. That’s one of my favorites.

Me: I will do that. Thanks again.

Terrell: Thank you for calling the consumer care department here at Mars.

Before we fly to Anaheim to spend a week at Disneyland, Kim and I decided to schedule a babysitter so we could have a few hours to ourselves. We had lunch at Zao Noodle Bar before walking over to Cold Stone Creamery where Kim ordered her usual: Sweet Cream with Oreo and banana.

I’m never quite sure what to get, but today a smoothie looked good. I looked at the large menu board and saw a sign similar to this:

Whatever it’s called, it sure looked good, but I had no idea how to pronounce it. So I looked at other options not wanting to look like an idiot when I ordered. But I couldn’t find anything that looked as good as the SomethingOrOther Blueberry Banana Smoothie.

I even asked Kim and she didn’t know how to say it. Now what should I do?

When it came my turn to order, I pointed to the menu board and said, “I’ll have one those….” and then I tried to pronounce the word, “NrGize” as best I could. But something went horribly wrong. As I tried my enunciate the word, I put too much emphasis on the larger, uppercase case letters and the word that came out sounded like a racial slur.

Smoothie Fail.

The first time you saw the sign above did you know how to pronounce it? I hope you had better luck than I did.

On a positive note, the blueberry banana whateverthehellyoucallit was tasty and I made it safely out of the store.

I was hanging out on Twitter tonight when a user that goes by BCK mentioned that Amazon had HDTVs for incredibly low prices.

I checked it out and found a Sharp Aquos 52 inch model for $38.

I’m trying to write this with a straight face but it’s likely Amazon is having a few pricing/database issues.

But just in case it’s not an error I went ahead and placed an order for one.

Do you think they will cancel my order when they realize their mistake? I just received a confirmation email, but they have already fixed the price on the website.

I first read about this the warning label for the Staples brand letter opener in  Consumer Reports and it still makes me laugh.

“The clean and quick choice” makes this model sound like the ideal choice for those who can’t wait to get through their snail mail. That is until you get to the the list of cautions which include the following:

Blades are extremely sharp – sounds reasonable for a tool that’s basically a very thin knife. Although “extremely” sharp sounds like a….razorblade?

Keep out of reach of children –  my kids have played with worse, but this is sensible advice.

Safety goggles recommended – Say what? It’s not exactly the “quick choice” if I have to locate my SAFETY GOGGLES every time a letter arrives. I’m sure an Staple’s attorney made them add this because some idiot stabbed himself in the eye while opening his tax return.

I sat down at the tiny table and began munching on my NEW! Southwest Chicken Caesar salad at Wendy’s this afternoon when I noticed one of those strange maximum occupancy signs near the register. This one said, Maximum Occupancy 103.

I can’t explain why, but when I come across these signs, I immediately drop whatever I’m doing and start counting patrons which is what I did today. I counted 17 people eating unhealthy food in the Wendy’s dining area. I also counted 4 Wendy’s employees that I could see and at least 2 working the drive thru that I could only hear. That gave me a grand total of 23 people in the Wendy’s or 83 away from total disaster.

And call me weird but I’m always concerned that maybe a few people are hanging out in the bathrooms so I add 5 more to cover it. Maybe I’m just being paranoid.

But I’m not sure what good it does to post such a sign with a seemingly random number. Does Wendy’s hire a maximum occupancy enforcer who’s job it is to keep track of how many people are in the restaurant and sound an alarm when they reach, say, 95? What if there were 100 people eating and a group of 8 football players were about to open the door. Would the enforcer jump into action and chain the door shut?

Since we live in the digital age, why not post a big digital sign above the door that everyone can see which keeps track of how many customers are inside? It would give us real time updates and let each patron know when the joint was nearing maximum occupancy giving everyone the choice to weigh the risks.

I’m tending our 4 kids tonight while Kim is out on the town with some friends. I didn’t feel like opening a can of chili so I decided to hit the Domino’s website and order a couple of pizzas.

When I finished my order I was taken to a screen called the PIZZA TRACKER where I could keep an eye on my pizzas as they rolled down the assembly line. I’ve heard of car companies who do this which makes sense when you’ve placed an order for an expensive item. But a fricking pizza?

I figured maybe this tracker would pacify my kids and keep them from asking WHENSTHEPIZZAGONNABEHERE. I moved the tracker page over to my 2nd monitor and caught myself watching it as intently as my kids. I could see that “Vicki” prepped and baked my pizzas. Someone named Eric boxed and was set to deliver them to me.

About 15 minutes later the doorbell rang. I opened it and said, “Hey Eric, do you have our pizzas?”. Eric didn’t see the humor in my comment but I made up for it with a big tip.

Initially, I wasn’t sure about the usefulness of the Pizza Tracker. But after one use, I’m convinced I should be able to track everything I order online in real time.

When did tipping become so confusing? I’m convinced that stupid TIP JAR ruined it for those who were providing excellent service and deserving of a tip. Now it seems like every small cafe, coffee shop, bakery, sandwich ship, and ice cream parlor puts a tip jar near the cash register. The jar is always in plain site and occasionally includes a cute but pithy quote that attempts to lessen the tackiness of the appeal.

How is one supposed to determine who deserves a tip? We’ve all heard that waiters are paid less than minimum wage and rely on tips to make up the difference. So when the service is poor am I still expected to subsidize their wage? But normally I don’t have a problem tipping 18-25% for good service when dining out. The rules are understood by both parties.

But I’m confused when it comes to other situations. Am I expected to tip the gal who scoops my ice cream? What about the guy who makes my hot chocolate? Or the man who cuts my bagel? How do I know if they are making minimum wage and also rely on tips like the those working at the restaurant? At one ice cream shop the workers would break out in song whenever someone left a tip. It was bizarre. The staff looked about as excited as a group of overworked Red Robin waiters who gather around a table to sing happy birthday for the 15th time. By about the 3rd time, they are having a hard time rounding up other waiters so you notice the hostess and short order cooks getting in on the action. Whenever my waiter/waitress gets roped into singing at another table I will leave a bigger tip because I feel sorry for them.

Starbucks has been in the news lately for sharing tips with supervisors that were meant for baristas. Which makes tipping at Starbucks even more confusing since I want my tips going to the person who provided me with excellent service. How would know if the person helping me is a supervisor or hourly employee? Maybe Starbucks can put their managers in shirts than differ from the worker bees like McDonalds does.

I enjoy tipping for excellent service. But I question whether I need to shell out a few bucks to the person who scooped my ice cream or made my sandwich. Unless they do something out of the ordinary should the cost of the goods or service cover a fair wage for them?