Sisters

Luca is reserved and structured. She likes order. Dislikes change. She keeps us guessing.

Anna is nothing like that. She wears her emotions on the surface. She’s a burst of energy and giggles and smiles.

And occasional trouble. Like when she asked a friend from church why he had more hair on his arm than his head.

One benefit from having more than one child is seeing how they interact with each other. Anna can barely contain her excitement when Luca returns from school.

Luca acts like a bear hug is no big deal.

But her smile tells me otherwise.

WordCamp Seattle 2009 Coverage

I need to get out more.

That’s the first thing that comes to mind after attending WordCamp Seattle today on the Adobe campus. I enjoyed meeting a number of bloggers in person as well as a handful of people I follow on Twitter like Veronica and Barb.

I can’t believe how many talented people I met today who are willing to share their experiences with our community.

Thanks to Josh for giving me the opportunity to speak. Kudos to Calvin, Bean, and Dan for putting on a successful event for several hundred attendees. And how about that rowdy crowd from Portland? Their enthusiasm was contagious.

I wish I could have attended all the sessions but I had to choose between several which overlapped. Chris Pirillo gave an entertaining keynote this morning. He spoke about how companies can’t just decide one day to create a community: “Evangelism is the ROI of social media”. Chris was a good choice for the morning keynote because he energy and enthusiasm is contagious. I was waiting for him to pull a Windows Mobile phone from the audience and step on it. He definitely loves his iPhone.

While I’m on the subject, I saw a few Blackberry phones here and there, but the iPhone dominates. I felt like I was swimming in a sea of iPhones all day.

Liz Strauss gave the closing keynote address this afternoon. She stressed how important it is to “own our identity”. She suggested everyone buy the domain of their name. Tonight I followed her suggestion and bought brettnordquist.com and kimnordquist.com for under ten bucks. Is your name still available?

Liz was one of the few speakers who talked about creating unique content. She said to stop trying to be someone else. Be yourself. Find your own style and run with it. Excellent advice.

I shared a breakout session with Maya Bisineer who gave a great talk on managing multiple blogs. She has an approachable style and is super smart. I’ve considered branching off my blog, and she provided a number of options to consider.

Here’s the text of my talk.

I told a friend who reads my blog that I was speaking at Wordcamp Seattle about dad blogging. He said, “But you don’t offer any giveaways. You don’t ask people to leave a comment and post a link to Twitter and Facebook for a chance to win a product you just reviewed”

But after a lot of research I’ve determined what constitutes a dad blog can be distilled down to the following: I’m a father. And I have a blog.

Does anyone read Pro Blogger or Copy Blogger? I read them both to find out what rules I’m breaking. I don’t care about keywords, I post late at night and on holidays. I don’t run Google Analytics nor do I sell my soul for more Google juice. Lots of people here today are skilled in those areas. I’m not so I’m going to focus on writing.

About 12 ago, I came across Dave Winer’s website. I had my own domain by that time and decided to start my own. I tried a number of open source products and finally settled on one called Greymatter, not because I loved the product, but because it was the only one I could get working with my limited knowledge of PHP.

Here’s how I spent my time on my blog the first few years:

If I wanted to make a change to the layout or add a feature, I had to write it myself. Over the next 5 years I felt like the college student who bought a beater Chevy Vega and spent most of his time keeping it running instead of attending class.

How do you spend your time on your blog today? Do you spend as much time tweaking your blog as you do writing?

Near the end of 2004, someone left a comment suggesting I check out a fledgling product called WordPress.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that I’d finally found a blogging platform that allowed me to focus on my writing. Just over a year ago I posted the following to Twitter:

This is the main reason I use WordPress and suggest others use it: It allows me spend the majority of my time creating content. Has anyone left this comment on your blog: “I visit your site each day just to see what new widget you’ve found?” I didn’t think so.

It’s your writing, your opinion, and the story you tell that compels people to return to your blog. They will connect with your writing, not your theme or plugins. You might have the best looking blog with all the popular plugins and widgets enabled. But if your content takes a back seat, you’re unlikely to find an audience.

When I began my blog, most articles I wrote focused on whatever was happening in technology at the time. At best I’ve offer a shallow opinion and at worst, I’d regurgitate the same content found on thousands of other blogs. What readers I had felt little attachment to my content, and why should they; I wasn’t attached to it myself.

A few years went by. I wrote whenever I felt like it which wasn’t often. I spent more time time explaining what a blog is than writing and considered closing my blog altogether.

One evening, I sat at my computer staring at my monitor. We’ve all been there before. I was frustrated with my blog. I was frustrated with my writing. What could I possibly write that others would enjoy? Was it possible to create something original? Something meaningful?

And that’s what it flipped. I asked myself, "Why am I perpetuating content found elsewhere? Why am spending so much time trying to figure out what others want me to write?

And at that moment I decided to stop writing for others and write myself. I know that sounds selfish. But I gave myself permission to write about my experiences, my opinions, and the people in my life. Even when those times collide and the results aren’t pretty.

That night I wrote a post called "The Movie that Changed My Life". Here’s an example of what I wrote that night:

Each morning I’d arrive at work around 7:30 am. My office was on the third floor. I could take an elevator or the stairs. I slogged my way up those three flights of stairs as slowly as humanly possible. With each step my stomach would turn into a tighter knot. Step after grueling step. When I finally reached the top, I could almost puke. The hours at work felt like days. It was a living hell.

The post covered a period 10 years ago when I walked away from my job after seeing the movie, American Beauty. I was proud of some of my actions and embarrassed about others. But it was true. It was honest, and it was an experience I learned from that was specific to me.

Until then, I had steered clear of covering my work and my family. I certainly hadn’t called attention to my weaknesses or opened up in the manner I did with that post. I wanted to capture an experience that had an impact in my life. I wrote it for me. If anyone else enjoyed it, that was a bonus.

It was difficult to press “publish”. But back then I only had a few dozen readers. I assumed few would find it let alone care. When I woke up the next morning I found several supportive comments. It wasn’t until I opened my email and found over two dozen emails that I realized I’d finally found my voice.

All this finally leads to the topic Josh asked me to cover today: How Blogging Makes me a Better Father

Blogging makes me aware of how I spend my time. It makes me aware of how I react to situations, especially those that involve my children. Blogging allows me to take a snapshot of their life and capture it in words. It’s not difficult to write about mistakes I make as a parent because my kids do a good job of reminding me where I fall short.

Some dad and mom bloggers only share the good: the birthday party, the piano recital or graduation.

I’ll occasionally write about those time as well, but the posts I enjoy the most are those where I was late in picking up my daughter or overreacted to my son putting raisins in my DVD drive. I like to find the lessons in everyday activities.

At this conference we’ve heard many discussions about the mechanics of blogging: specific plugins or themes used to enhance your blog. These are certainly important. But they are not a substitute for good writing. As a new blogger it’s easy to get bogged down configuring, designing and tweaking while forgetting that it’s your writing that will keep readers returning to your blog.

Before I close I want to mention three of my favorite bloggers who write about fatherhood among other topics. I hope you’ll check them out because I’ve learned someone from each of them.

MetroDad – I wish I could write like this guy.

Is This Mike On – This newspaper editor brings a lot of heart to his blog.

Big Daddy – A friend and new blogger with large dose of humor.

Looking Up At The World

There’s a direct correlation between how quickly we get out of the house and the number of kid’s shoes to be tied.

Three kids x two feet = six shoes to tie unless we’re going for a ride and don’t care if the kids pair a flip flop with a Croc.

Last night we decided to take the kids for a walk. They were restless and we figured a walk would expend some of that energy. I noticed only Kai was walking around without his shoes tied.

Normally, I’d sigh realizing I’m going to have to bend down in order to reach his feet. And that’s after I expend 800 calories catching that rascal. What he lacks in size, he makes up for in speed.

I watched Kai speed around the basement with his laces smacking against the wood floor. He ran in circles paying no attention to anything except his own enjoyment. He giggled and yelled and I thought to myself, “I’m glad we didn’t cut off those long, blond curly locks”.

I asked Kai to come to me so I could tie his shoes and was shocked when he ran to me and put his right shoe out for me to tie. I knelt down next to him.

He watched closely and swapped his right shoe for the left when it was time. He grabbed my shoulder to keep his balance, but I could still feel him wobble back and forth.

When I finished, I looked up at his face. This is what the world must look like to him. Everything is big and up when you’re no taller than a yardstick.

Kai giggled and then ran off to join his brother and sisters.

Maybe it only happened for a few seconds tonight, but I saw the world from a child’s perspective. And yet that’s probably too strong of statement. A more accurate statement would be that I recognized that my son’s perspective is not the same as mine, and I would do well to remember that when I get frustrated at the time it takes for us to get going.

Plus it won’t be long before my shoe tying skills will be as valuable as the pottery skills I learned in high school.

Shoe Crazy

On my way to the shower each morning I pickup wooden blocks on the stairs. It’s not uncommon to find toy cars scattered around the floor of my bathroom which I pickup and place on the sink hoping they’ll magically drive back to their garage while I shower.

I pickup blankets in the hallway, Cocoa Puffs on the couch and quarters in my shoes when Kai finds the change jar.

But when it comes to getting control of the shoes in this home I give up. I’m outmatched and outnumbered. I concede defeat at the hands of one yellow rain boot I fished out of the dog’s water bowl. And you, black boot with the scuffed toe, I promise to walk right by you the next time I catch you chillaxin in front of the TV.

I could go around our house and pickup shoes for three hours. It’s a part-time job without compensation or 15 minute breaks. Every drawer, closet, couch, cupboard, and laundry chute contains at least a couple of shoes that don’t match. My house is a landmine of shoes I’m clearly unable to navigate.

A sight never before seen at our home

I swear strangers are planting boots, slippers and tennis shoes around our house when I’m gone because I don’t recognize half the shoes I trip over. I’ll pickup a shoe I’ve tripped over ready to yell at someone, but I have no idea to whom it belongs.

I remind Lincoln to put on his shoes before school and he’ll frantically search the house looking for a matching pair that 1. Fit 2. Are not Crocs 3. Free from dog poop. When he’s near tears because he can’t find a pair he’ll say, “But, I can’t find ANYTHING to wear!”.

“Did you check your closet? You know, that area in your room where you organize shirts, pants and SHOES??”

Blank stare. I might as well be speaking Mongolian.

Shoes in the closet? Nobody would think to look there.

And why would they when they’re just as likely to find a pair on top of the piano.

Picture by Gretchen Koenig

How To Keep From Getting Dooced

Is your casual persona on a collision course with your professional persona? Before blogs, Facebook and Twitter the rules were straight forward: Keep your personal life tucked away at home and put on your professional hat when clocked in at the office.

But the casual and professional are on a collision course, and the fallout to your career can be substantial if not managed properly.

When I started my blog back in 1999, few friends, coworkers or relatives knew it existed. In fact, I had to explain to them what a blog was, and most told me they already kept a journal and couldn’t imagine putting it online for everyone to read. Funny how many of those same people are now on Blogger telling everyone the gory details of their baby’s last diaper change or visit to the fertility clinic.

It’s only been the last couple of years that coworkers, friends and family have started to read my blog. It still feels strange when someone approaches me at church and says, “Hey, I liked your blog last Saturday”. I’d like to say I haven’t changed how I write and what topics I cover but that wouldn’t be honest. I’ve had to install a stronger filter to ensure I don’t damage friendships or get dooced.

With the proliferation of social media sites like MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter, getting your thoughts out to an audience is easier than ever. But it can also lead to many awkward situations.

For example, should you accept Facebook friend invites from employees who report to you? Should you invite your manager to be your friend? What about former direct reports you had to let go?

I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I can tell you what’s worked for me through trial and error.

Facebook and Twitter are easier to manage because it’s simple to block someone on Facebook or switch your Twitter account to private.

If you only want approved friends to see your Facebook profile, login to your account. Then go to Settings/Privacy/Profile and set your Profile to “Only Friends”. By default, everyone can see your Profile.

There are times it might be handy to block someone from seeing anything about you. Start by making sure you’ve not added them as a friend. If you have, go to their profile, scroll down the page until you see “Remove from Friends” on the left side of the page. Once that’s done you should see a link to “Report/Block this Person” to click on.

When you unfriend or block someone, they are not notified of your actions. You just stop showing up on their News Feed. Nice work Facebook!

In Twitter, you block people by logging into your profile and then going to the profile page of the person you want to block. On the right hand side of the page, under Action, click “block *name*. Or you can take your Twitter account private by going to Settings. Under the Account tab, check the “Protect my tweets” box near bottom of page. I block a number of spammers and porn purveyors.

Although these options are available, I tend not to block people unless they harass me. If you feel strange about accepting a friend request from a coworker or boss, don’t do it. I listen to my gut and tend to error on the side of acceptance because I assume most people are intelligent enough to separate their personal life from the professional.

But there are many valid reasons for taking precautions. Here are a few that would raise a red flag for me:

Your company lacks a blogging policy – tells me the brass in charge probably don’t read many blogs and don’t see the value of having a policy in place. Having a blogging policy at least tells you someone in charge has thought about it. If your company doesn’t have a blogging policy, volunteer to help write one. Wouldn’t you rather have input on the subject than have HR or legal write it for you? At the very least, it gives you the opportunity to teach executives about blogs and social media.
Your boss doesn’t read blogs – a big red flag. She may overreact to something that seems fair game to you. If she reads blogs, she may understand the casual nature and appreciate your creative outlet.
Your boss has a Facebook and/or Twitter account but does not participate – This may indicate she uses those accounts to lurk. As I rule, I do not accept friend invites from people who don’t contribute to the conversation. It’s a two-way street and why add them if they don’t contribute?
Your company bans access to sites such as Gmail, Facebook, or Twitter – Some companies monitor their employee’s internet usage down the sites they can visit. In such a case, I’d steer clear of work related topics on my blog and take all precautions on Facebook and Twitter.
You can’t run a program without approval from IT– Do they ban MSN Messenger or Firefox or iTunes? If so, beware. You work for a company that wants full control of your online time, and they probably won’t appreciate your Facebook status update complaining about the printer jam.

On the flip side, you should be encouraged if someone in upper management maintains a blog. Companies such as 37 Signals, Sun Microsystems, and Zappos are examples of companies who have managers who blog and encourage their employees to do so. If your CEO maintains an active blog, you’re looking golden!

If in doubt, ask around your company to get a sense of the landscape. You might be surprised to find out how many of your coworkers have blogs. Doesn’t hurt to ask your manager if she reads blogs. She may suggest a good one you’ve overlooked. Just don’t jump in and assume nobody cares. Believe me, if you write something that gets their attention in bad way, they will care greatly.

But your blog may benefit your career as well. One time I interviewed for a position, and HR asked for a writing sample. I gave them the URL to my blog and eventually got the job.

Much of this is common sense. You should take the pulse of your company and determine how to proceed if you want to participate in social media and/or get your thoughts out there on a blog. Unless you take your blog private, assume your friends, coworkers and boss read it. All it takes is one lapse in judgment and you could torch your job. Of course, you could always write anonymously like Mini Microsoft. But that doesn’t interest me.

I view my blog as an asset. There’s a lot more about the real me there than any resume can convey. If someone reads my blog and decides I’m not a good fit for their company, I’ve saved myself a lot of time. I feel lucky to work for a company that doesn’t ban Facebook, Twitter or discourage blogging. I helped my boss start a blog and that gave me the opportunity to talk openly about the subject.

How do you handle such decisions? Do you add coworkers to Facebook and follow them back on Twitter? I’m interested to hear if you merge the personal and profession or attempt to keep them separate.

Big Erasers Don’t Smudge

As I watched Luca do her homework tonight, I wondered how long it’s been since I’d used a number two pencil?

Soft, dark lead trailed her every stroke. When she was finished writing her name at the top of each sheet of paper, I watched her tackle a page-full of math problems.

Occasionally, she’d ask for help, but I knew from her eyes she didn’t need my help. By asking questions every so often, Luca was able to keep me nearby. Her brothers and sisters were downstairs watching a Scooby Doo movie.

When she moved to the spelling and vocabulary section, I watched her find vocabulary words within the word search. Her eyes darted back and forth while she used the pencil to keep her place.

I didn’t want to be the one to tell her she’d have to wait to see the movie another night because she refused to practice the piano earlier. She still had homework to complete, and why upset her now?

She finished Monday’s homework and started in on Tuesday’s assignment. I stayed with her. She scooted her chair next to mine and sat on her knees as close to the table as possible. I watched her whip her pencil around like a symphony conductor.

“It’s important to have a big eraser or it smudges”, she tells me.

She works her way through the next two days worth of homework without a word about the movie.

“Should we wait on Friday’s homework so you’ll have something to do later?”, I ask.

“Nope, I want to finish it now, and you can help”

It’s not often that Kim has the kids corralled downstairs and I’m able to focus my attention on Luca for an hour. I like to watch her work through problems. Sometimes she doodles words in the margins or reworks math problems out loud.

I know she’s finished when she asks to see my iPhone so she can check the weather. She’ll check the temperature in Ogden and St. George Utah because that’s where her grandparents live.

Maybe knowing the temperature makes her feel a little closer to them.

A Thin Line

I’ve heard some people turn to ice cream, work, or friends. But I’ve always turned to music during the most difficult times of my life.

One such time came as I was finishing up my degree at the University of Utah. As I juggled my last few classes, a full-time job, and a collapsing marriage, I came across Annie Lennox. I’d heard her music before but hadn’t tuned into the lyrics until I heard “A Thin Line Between Love and Hate” while visiting a Graywhale CD store near campus.

The backdrop is heavy, but the song is laced with Annie’s understated, elegant voice making it approachable. I like the song, but have avoided listening to it for many years because it dredged up memories during a dark period of my life.

She might be holding something in
That’s really gonna hurt you
One of these fine days

Tonight I was updating my playlist and came across the album, Medusa. I added “Waiting in Vain”; my favorite song on the album. I looked through my list until I found A Thin Line Between Love and Hate. You know, to make sure it was still there.

But a strange thing happened. I didn’t skip over it like I have dozens of times before. Instead, I double clicked on the title, turned up the volume, and kicked back with my headphones and closed my eyes.

And for the first time in many years, I heard the instruments and the rhythm along with that piercing voice – even lyrics, without an ounce of regret.

Right click – Add to Playlist – Favorites

Pardon the Interruption

How would you feel if, while watching a TV or movie, an advertisement popped up and covered the action for a few seconds?

The equivalent is happening on a number of popular websites, and I find the practice distracting.

Tonight I was reading an article at Tech Radar when I accidentally moved my cursor over a word that triggered a pop up ad for Bing which covered the content I was reading. And the advertisement box didn’t disappear until I clicked the tiny “X” button in the upper right corner.

The ads were for Microsoft Bing by a company called Vibrant. They are so annoying that I’m hereby boycotting any product whose company decides to shove these ads down my throat. These Bing ads aren’t helpful either. If I need more information about a term, I know my way around Google. Maybe I would have considered Bing but not anymore.

There are no less than six ads already on the page, and yet they still decide to sprinkle pop ups throughout the content?

I’m not sure what Tech Radar is thinking, but I can tell you they are not thinking about their readers. MSNBC is known for running the same type of ads. They know that many people will accidentally trigger these ads as they scroll down the page. .

How many ads are enough for one page?

Extra Mild Sauce at Del Taco

Del Taco is a member the “bang for the buck” Fast Food Hall of Fame. Kim swears by their 1/2 pound burritos. Lincoln loves their tacos. And I like to put mild sauce on their crinkle fries.

I’m talking cheap rather than healthy.

Doesn’t matter what we order at Del Taco, they never give us enough of their Mild Sauce; a sauce so good it deserves to be capitalized.

As I went through the drive-thru last night I reminded the young man working the window that we’d appreciate a lot of Mild Sauce. When he handed me our bags of food, he said, “Here’s a bag with Mild Sauce”.

We pulled around into the parking lot and ate our food. Kim and I used about ten packets of Mild Sauce, but we had a lot left over. But it wasn’t till we returned home that we noticed how much sauce was left over.

Today, I pulled out the bag and placed the packets on our kitchen table. The kids gathered around as if I were organizing Halloween candy.

Luca counted 67 packets left over from last night.

I’m considering handing them out to the kids this Halloween.

Anna Makes a Call

My day in the office started out like most. A Diet Coke kept me awake while I made my way through my inbox.

Delete. Delete. Forward. Delete.

I checked MSNBC to catch up on the latest Republican scandal before running off to a meeting.

I emerged two hours later. Mind fried. Too many issues fighting for my attention. I chased three aspirin with another Diet Coke before heading back to my office.

And then my phone rang. I could see it was Kim and sent her a text saying I’d call right back.

But should I?

Sometimes it’s best to cool down. Let my mind and emotions rest a bit. I can’t say I’ve mastered keeping work induced stress from seeping into my relationships. Plus, the aspirin hasn’t kicked in and the Diet Coke buzz is wearing off.

But I feel I should call, and when I do, Anna answers:

“Dad, guess what happened at school? One of the boys in my class ran home at recess. He didn’t even look for cars!!”

She was out of breath from laughter after witnessing one of her classmates make a run for the border on the first day of school. Who hasn’t felt like pulling the same stunt to get away from the moment?

And he didn’t even look for cars. Hilarious stuff to a 5-year old.

She tells me about the cushy seats on the bus. She’s excited about her teacher and recess, but right now mom is taking her through the McDonalds drive-thru where she’ll order a cheeseburger with “everything on it except pickles and onions” so she needs to run.

Anna’s call caught me off guard. My kids seldom call me at work. I was composed this morning as I watched her walk up the bus steps with her new Hello Kitty backpack hanging off a shoulder. But as I listened to her voice, I’m far from composed as I hunch over my desk wishing I could be with her.

Sharing a cheeseburger.