Floating Around Splash Mountain

As I stepped into the log that would transport us up Splash Mountain, a cast member (that’s what Disneyland calls their employees) told me to sit at the back of the log so I could watch my three oldest kids sitting in front of me. We were the only four people in log as we made our way though the twisty path and higher up the mountain.  Each child flipped their head around to see if I was still there as we inched closer to that final descent.

Yet that final plunge can’t take more than 5 seconds. Floating around for a few minutes before that plunge was the best part of the ride for me. My kids asked me questions such like, “Is the water cold?” and we laughed and giggled and did stuff we do when mom isn’t around. I felt like I was seeing the ride through their eyes although I was the only one not hugging the life out of the seat ahead of me.

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Taking a break at the ice cream parlor at Disneyland

The Splash Mountain ride was a microcosm of our time at Disneyland this past week. We spent a lot of time waiting in lines. We certainly didn’t set any records for going on the most rides. Moving three young kids and a baby around the park takes patience and aggressive driving skills . I stopped counting the number of feet belonging to strangers I ran over with the stroller. But the time we spent together as a family between rides ended up providing a lot of fun memories.

Nobody threw up. No tantrums were thrown. Not even by the kids. Nobody fell off a ride, nor did any rides have to make an emergency stop due to the actions of our children. We managed to return home with all 4 kids too. By those standards our trip was a success.

And the only person who lost anything was me. On that last trip up Splash Mountain, my Seattle Seahawks hat flew off as we picked up speed going down the final hill.

“Dad, your hair looks all squishy”

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Holding Hands

Holding hands is underrated.

I remember the first time I held Kim’s hand. We hadn’t known each other very long. I held her hand and swung her arm as while we walked around Las Vegas.

While still in my teens I’d walk around Temple Square in downtown Salt Lake City holding my grandma’s hand. It helped keep her balance. It made me feel special. I didn’t mind the leisurely pace because the flowers and fountains were so peaceful and beautiful. And it meant I could spend more time with her. When I see my grandma now the first thing she does is take my hand. I love that.

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My brother-in-law took this picture of Anna (1 day old) holding Luca’s finger.

I walked Lincoln and Luca to the bus stop on Friday. Luca skipped ahead of me. That’s what 2nd graders do I’m told. But Lincoln gripped my hand as tight as he could. He only released it when the bus arrived so he could wave to me as he walked towards the black stairs leading to the seats on the bus. 

When it was time to pickup Luca from school I walked around the corner of our house and waited for the big yellow bus to arrive. I figured she’d jump off the bus and hop on down the road. When the bus pulled up, she looked out the window and smiled. I was right. She hopped off the bus. But she came right up to me, grabbed my hand and we walked home together hand in hand.

Yep, holding hands is underrated.

How Not To Order A Smoothie

Before we fly to Anaheim to spend a week at Disneyland, Kim and I decided to schedule a babysitter so we could have a few hours to ourselves. We had lunch at Zao Noodle Bar before walking over to Cold Stone Creamery where Kim ordered her usual: Sweet Cream with Oreo and banana.

I’m never quite sure what to get, but today a smoothie looked good. I looked at the large menu board and saw a sign similar to this:

nrgize

Whatever it’s called, it sure looked good, but I had no idea how to pronounce it. So I looked at other options not wanting to look like an idiot when I ordered. But I couldn’t find anything that looked as good as the SomethingOrOther Blueberry Banana Smoothie.

I even asked Kim and she didn’t know how to say it. Now what should I do?

When it came my turn to order, I pointed to the menu board and said, “I’ll have one those….” and then I tried to pronounce the word, “NrGize” as best I could. But something went horribly wrong. As I tried my enunciate the word, I put too much emphasis on the larger, uppercase case letters and the word that came out sounded like a racial slur.

Smoothie Fail.

The first time you saw the sign above did you know how to pronounce it? I hope you had better luck than I did.

On a positive note, the blueberry banana whateverthehellyoucallit was tasty and I made it safely out of the store.

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What Should Your Business Card Say?

Maybe it’s because I’ve been in the technology business most of my career, but I’m jaded when it comes to job titles I see on business cards. Most have no meaning at all.

My least favorite job title is Project Manager. That’s the catch-all title for people who do a bunch of tasks that can’t be grouped under any discipline. If that sounds a little too pedestrian just preface it with Lead, Group or Senior to make it sound like you do even less work.

At some companies everyone is a VP. That was the case at the last company I worked for. Put in a couple of good years and we’ll print business cards with VP in the title. It doesn’t matter what you’re VP over. Even VP of the Mailroom sounds impressive, but HR would call it VP of Document Distribution to make it sound more palatable and justify the annual bonus.

My business card says I’m a Technical Operations Manager. I don’t know what that means and I avoid answering the question, “What is your title?” because it always leads to, “Oh…so what is it that you do?”

The work I do isn’t very technical unless you count getting Outlook to work each day. I’m not sure I have anything to do with operations either. Makes it sound like I sit in the back room and fiddle with computers all day. As fun as that sounds that’s not what I do.

Manager. Now that sounds important. Reminds of my first job out of college when I worked as a Store Manager for $24,000/year. That felt like so much money I went out and bought a Mazda Miata.

During the winter.

In Rock Springs, Wyoming.

I realized my decision was flawed when I left my store at 9 pm only to find my Miata covered entirely in snow and was forced to take a cab home.

In my experience, any job I’ve had with manager in the titles means spending 75% of my time doing paperwork of some sort. I’ll write reviews, place orders, fill out forms and get so tired of writing that I want to poke my eyes out with a Sharpie.

What is your job title and what should it really be? I’d like to change mine to Paperwork Guru.

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Update on the $38 HTDV

It doesn’t exist. That’s according to the email I received this morning. Then again, I image received 3 emails today and each told a different story:

Email #1: Your order has been received. You’ll receive another email once your order has been sent from our warehouse.

Email #2: Sorry, we’ve canceled your order because our computers were naughty and listed the wrong price.

Email #3: Sorry, we can’t fulfill your order because we don’t carry the item you ordered.

Bummer. I was already picturing myself kicking back on the couch watching the the Hills and the Mole in HD.

12 Items or Less

Seems like every Saturday morning I find Kim adding items to her grocery list. When I see her doing this I’ll say, “Hey, I’ll watch the kids while you go the store” and she’ll nod in agreement. image

But I know how this plays out. Kim loves to make lists. She likes to modify lists. Sometimes she’ll start a list upstairs on a Post-It and another downstairs next to her computer. I wouldn’t be surprised to find a list in each room of our house.

I’ve learned a thing or two in our 11 years of marriage. When it comes to shopping I’ve been able to distill what I’ve learned into the following 4 scenarios:

  1. If the list contain items found at Target, Kim will do the shopping.
  2. If the list contains grocery items, I will do the shopping.
  3. If the list contains Costco items, my only involvement comes in the form of car to kitchen transportation.
  4. I don’t get to create lists. I can only add to existing ones.

So like clockwork, I found myself at Fred Meyer tonight looking for pizza sauce, sourdough bread and pineapple tidbits. Not crushed pineapple. Not pineapple chunks. But pineapple tidbits. The kind you toss on pizza. I had to call home to confirm.

I couldn’t do the shopping without a cell phone and I call Kim at least three times each trip. I get 3 life lines before I’m called home. I call to ask which type of cheese I should buy. I call to ask which yogurt flavors the kids like best (peach bad, vanilla good). Sometimes I just call to chat and to let her know I’m “testing” the grapes or bulk cashews.

Over time, I’ve refined my methods. I carry the consolidated list around with me and make a small tear next to those items I’ve put in the cart which I’ve tested to ensure it doesn’t sport the crazy wobbly wheel from hell that vibrates your entire body. I save the hard to find items for last. Like El Pato sauce. I can never find that stuff. Last week I spent 20 minutes looking for lemon juice too. I get through 98% of my list in 30 minutes and then spend the next half hour playing hide-and-go-seek with the last few hard to capture items. I’ve just plain given up looking for “Jet Puffed Marshmallow”. I don’t believe it exists and I’m convinced it’s Kim’s way of sending me on a snipe hunt.

But the real fun comes during check out. No matter how many items I have in my cart, I head for the 12 Items or Less line. Some trips I might have fewer than 12 items. Sometimes I have more.  As long as the number of items is divisible by 12 I feel I’m keeping the spirit of the law.

If there are items already on the conveyor belt I never know how far I should let them travel before it’s safe to start mine on their journey. I’ve noticed that women are vigilant about putting down the little black divider even if they have only gum and a People Magazine to purchase. We wouldn’t want my Wheat Thins fraternizing with her Big Red. And when I’m done putting all my stuff on the belt am I supposed to put a black divider down behind the last item? I feel like I’m drawing a line in the sand if I do, but I don’t want to go home with a stranger’s set of size 13 Dr. Scholl’s insoles.

I enjoy shopping on my own. I find it relaxing. And I’m starting to feel like a regular because a few checkers call me by name now.

And I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact I can’t reliably count past 12.

Sharp Aquos 52-inch LCD HDTV for $38?

I was hanging out on Twitter tonight when a user that goes by BCK mentioned that Amazon had HDTVs for incredibly low prices.

I checked it out and found a Sharp Aquos 52 inch model for $38.

I’m trying to write this with a straight face but it’s likely Amazon is having a few pricing/database issues.

But just in case it’s not an error I went ahead and placed an order for one.

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Do you think they will cancel my order when they realize their mistake? I just received a confirmation email, but they have already fixed the price on the website.

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Let Sarah Palin Speak to the Press

I guess we’ll just take Nicole Wallace’s word that Sarah Palin can stand on her own two feet because the McCain campaign machine won’t let Palin anywhere near the press. Keep in mind, this is Time Magazine, not some unknown blogger or small town newspaper she’s mocking.

CARNEY (Time): We don’t know yet and we won’t know until you guys allow her (Palin) to take questions, you know, can she answer tough questions, you know, domestic policy, foreign policy–

WALLACE: But I mean like from who? From you? Who cares?!

CARNEY: Who cares? I think the American people care.

According to some of her fellow Alaskans, the GOP has good reason to keep her quiet. Thankfully, details are trickling out.