Month: April 2008

Knee Deep in Hair and Skin Care Products

I’ve never actually seen it happen. All I know is that IT IS HAPPENING. Each night, after everyone is asleep, a bottle of shampoo is hooking up with a tube of conditioner to produce a baby tube of facial scrub in Kim’s bathroom. This chemical mating ritual is taking place at such a rapid pace that it won’t be long before I’m shoved out to the shed with the weed whacker due to lack of space in our home.

Every week I ask Kim if she has any errands to run. She’ll toss out the regulars such as Fred Meyer, Costco and Target. Just as I’m about to walk away she’ll add, "Oh ya, I could use a trip to Nordstrom or Kiehl’s to get some (insert hair or skin product only a scientist could understand)" Given the cost of this stuff I’d rather she tell me she’s going to Louis Vuitton to check out the new line of steamer trunks.

This makes absolutely no sense to me because I go into her bathroom and there’s not a square inch of tub, counter or vanity space to hold any more product. If you were to walk into our home and see the number of tubes, bottles, jars, and vials in Kim’s bathroom you’d assume we were in the process of raising 23 daughters. Kim could wash her hair for a month and never use the same product twice.

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A jar of something that isn’t facial soap

And I won’t even get into the number of conditioners taking up refuge in our home. But suffice it to say that we own a brand of conditioner that comes in a bottle, a tube and a jar. I’ve stopped using her shower because the hot water runs out before I’m able to determine what shampoo to use. One time I jumped in the shower, grabbed a tube of liquid soap and started rubbing it all over my face. My face started to feel more "silky soft" than clean when I realized I’d just deep cleaned by face with something called "Biolage Conditioning Balm". For hair. The rest of the day it felt like I’d been given a facial using a thin layer of Turtle Wax.

So if you plan to visit us this summer be prepared for the deluge of products you’ll encounter in the shower.

And don’t forget to bring along a periodic table of the elements. You’ll need it.

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Living Away from Family

Back in 1994 I decided to move to Seattle. I had recently graduated from college and was just starting to feel that I might know enough to find a job in the computer industry. It wasn’t an easy decision. I grew up in Ogden, Utah and had spent my entire life there except for a few years serving a mission in Germany. My siblings and grandparents all lived within with a 30 mile radius. I still remember the snowy evening when I pulled up to my parents home in a U-Haul with all my possessions while towing a Mazda Miata. I don’t recall my parents being against the move but they didn’t exactly encourage it either. Given the circumstances at the time, I don’t blame them.

So here I am 14 years later still living in the Seattle area. Other than a year we spent in Utah, our family has lived nearly 1000 miles from my  parents. Kim’s family lives nearly 1400 miles from Seattle. But living in Seattle has provided many good experiences. My parents and inlaws love visiting and seeing this gorgeous area. We’ve taken them to our favorite restaurants and forged many great memories during these visits. It’s also fun for our kids to have their grandparents undivided attention.

Yet there are challenges that come with living away from family. We are not as close to our siblings nor do we have the same degree of input on family decisions. We are out of the loop much of the time. Out of sight, out of mind. Also, when relatives live with you for a week or two, they see the good and the bad. Unlike a visit where it’s easier to put on a happy face for three hours, when someone is living with you 24/7 they will inevitably see us at our worst. They will see the day you sleep in, let the house go and allow the kids to eat three meals consisting only of Cap’N Crunch. They will see kids screaming, piles of laundry, and a family who is late for church. In short, they SEE THE REAL US.

Sometimes we wake up grouchy and don’t feel like doing anything. We don’t always eat three balanced meals and occasionally we watch Paradise Hotel and the Real World back to back! When we visit Utah we don’t feel like we fit in anymore. We’ve probably removed “heck” from our vocabulary and replaced it with the real thing.

So if you come visit us, expect more Simpsons less Brady Bunch. We aren’t perfect, but we don’t expect you to be either. And we promise never to hit you up for free babysitting when we visit your home. Deal?

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The Error of My Ways

As a dad, I’ve made a number of mistakes. I’ve failed to use fabric softener on a number of occasions which means the kids clothes come out of the dryer looking like a gigantic cotton bolus. I’ve given the kids Diet Coke and filled the bath water to questionable depths. I’ve even been known to let the kids watch the Forensic Files with me when their mom is running errands. Call the Family and Social Services hotline if you must.

Most of my mistakes are quickly forgiven or forgotten by the next morning. But the mistake I made two weeks ago has lingered, and the kids continue to point out my big blunder. If they had access to a large, red capital “L”, I’m sure they’d paste it to my forehead.

You might wonder what I could have done that would cause my oldest child to proclaim, “Boy, dad, you blew it”. Well, in my defense, I didn’t intentionally try to disappoint anyone. All I tried to do was update our DirecTV programming from their website. DirecTV recently sent me a notice saying my programming package had changed and that I needed to select one of their new packages. I logged in and selected what I thought was a comparable package.

But it wasn’t long before the error of my ways was brought to my attention by my son who asked, “Hey dad, how come that one station that shows Scooby Doo doesn’t work anymore?”. That was soon followed by my daughter telling a friend “My Dad broke the TV”.

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No Boomerang is making me very angry

Well, I’ve broken a number of things around the house but I’ve never been accused of breaking the TV. But I did make the mistake of selecting the “wrong” programming package that didn’t include the Boomerang cartoon channel and several others the kids were accustomed to watching. 

So Scooby Doo is back. So is Sylvester and Tweety. And who can forget Marvin the Martian. Next time I need to update our programming, I’ll just ask Luca to take care of it. I’m obviously not the skilled internet wonder dad I thought I was.

Earning My Business with Kindness

Across the street from my office is a small teriyaki shop. There’s nothing special about its appearance. The decor is bland, the menu is hand written on a white board and their service is slow at best. I’ve been ordering the “all white meat teriyaki with a little spiciness” for nearly five years and I’ve only seen one woman (the owner) working the cash register. There must be someone else behind the curtain making the food but I’ve never seen any one.

Last week I stopped in for lunch. As I walked up to the counter the owner stepped up to the register and said, “How are you doing Brett? I’ve not seen you in a long time”. I chatted with her for a bit. She asked how Kim and my kids were doing and was genuinely interested in them. She asked if I wanted my regular order, took my money and gave me a number that she’s never once called.

So I’m eating lunch at this small, unassuming joint yet I’m treated like my business really means something. I’m never taken for granted. Every visit I’m asked how things are going. She even remembers the ages of my kids and asks how they are doing. Once my order is ready, she places it in a bag along with a set of chop sticks and some napkins. She then takes the bag and ties a knot with the handles before handing it to me. She’s kind and gentle and I enjoy her company. I always walk out the door with a smile on my face. How many places can you say that about?

I contrast this relationship with the one I had last year with Sprint. I averaged a $200/month bill with Sprint for over five years. Yet when I called to cancel my contract to move to Verizon (only Verizon provides decent coverage at my house) I was put on hold, transferred around the horn, and basically tossed around like a rag doll. One night, after spending nearly an hour on the phone, one customer service rep told me her shift was ending and there wasn’t anyone else in her department to help me. Her suggestion? “Call back tomorrow when we’re open”.

I had met my contract obligations yet was told my service could only be canceled at the end of the billing cycle which meant I’d have to call back ON THAT VERY DAY or I’d have to wait yet another month. Let me get this straight: a company that can meter calls to the very second can’t figure out how to cancel my service on a date in the future? Sprint figures many people will give up if they put up enough obstacles. Their goal is to wear you down like a fish on the line until you’re so drained they can reel you with ease.

Why does a business where I spent eight bucks on teriyaki every few weeks treat me so much better than one where I’ve spent over $10,000?

I wish all businesses appreciated my patronage as much as the little teriyaki joint does.

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Uncomfortable Call

Those who know me are familiar with my disdain for the telephone. It’s a device I can’t stand because of how it disrupts our lives.

So I was thinking about why I dislike phones so much and then I remembered this job I had one summer while in college. I worked for a company that sold life insurance policies and burial insurance for seniors. I was a data entry rat who typed records into a very old computer. Sometimes, with supervisor approval, I could print stuff too. Man, those were exiting times.

I became so proficient at typing and printing that I was promoted to the resolution division. Here my job was to call life insurance policy holders whenever issues arose with their account. I learned very quickly that many calls were a bit awkward. I’d make the call, someone would answer and I’d ask to speak with the policy holder. Long pause………..

Finally the person would say, “I’m sorry but he died last month”.

I don’t know how many time this happened but at least a couple times a week. I never knew how to respond. I’d offer my condolences, but I always felt terrible. Sometimes I’d call the spouse of the person who had passed away, and it would set off a stream of painful emotions. When that happened, I’d leave my cubicle and head down to the exercise room and jump on the Stair Master to gather myself.

I was in the best shape of my life that summer.

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Two Huge Hairy Tarantulas

We do our best to get our kids to bed at a reasonable hour. Plans are made and intentions are well placed. But the wild card to the equation are the kids. One would assume spending an entire afternoon running around the zoo would wear a young body out making bedtime a welcome hour.

Wrong. Very wrong.

Even the very definition of bedtime has changed with each child. When the first child arrived, bedtime meant our daughter was asleep by 8:30. By the time child number four arrived, bedtime means we can locate three of four kids within our zip code.

So when the parents are more exhausted than the kids a plan must be hatched in order to keep the kids in their beds. We’ve tried bribes and threats with little success. Sometimes I’d tell a story which would work if the story lasted long enough to bore the kids to sleep. But lately even that hasn’t worked well.

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But I came across something this weekend that worked well. When I say it worked well, I mean it kept the kids from running up the down the stairs asking us questions like, "Can I play Nintendo tomorrow after pre-school?" Basically, it keeps the kids in their beds. They’re still wide awake but they aren’t running through the kitchen looking for a snack. My secret has been to tell them a scary story. In the past I’ve told them about the Ghost outside the Window or the Goblin in the Chimney. Both kept the kids in their beds until Luca announced, "There’s no such thing as a ghost or goblin". What a lame dad!

She’s just too dang smart. So I had to concoct a more devious plan. I turn off all the lights and begin telling a story about three young kids who happen to be the same ages as our kids. They also live in the same color house and have a dog eerily similar to ours. Even the children’s names were similar. The story plods along until I explain how TWO HUGE, HAIRY TARANTULAS have taken up residence under their beds. Their eyes grow wide and I can see the wheels churning in their minds. Legs quickly stop dangling over the side of the bed and are placed under the covers and they snuggle up close to each other.

I’ll know the story has served it’s purpose when Lincoln asks, "How big are the Tarantula’s legs?" or "How hairy are his legs?"

"Huge and Very" I tell them as they all scoot towards to the middle of the bed. I then tuck each of them in bed. Luca wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a big kiss on the cheek. Lincoln wraps his arms and legs around me like a crab while Anna Lynn lures me in with open arms and, at the last second, tries to lick my ear.

Of course, there are no Tarantula’s where we live. I’m sure it won’t be long until Luca Google’s that fact and spoils the plan. Until then the Tarantula legend lives on. And those legs get huger and hairier with each telling.

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WordPress 2.5 Problems

I’ve having two problems since I upgraded my blog to WordPress 2.5. The first problem is that some of my text widgets will disappear. To be more precise, the content in those text widgets will disappear when I add another a new text widget to my blog. This is annoying, but not a deal killer. 

But the biggest problem I’m having is that I can reorder my current widgets. When I add a newly activated widget to my current list, it puts it at the top of the list and I can’t drag it down to reorder.

Check out the the picture below. The Flickr Badge widget was the last one I added but I can’t move it further down the list. There is also something going on with the text overlapping the SAVE CHANGES button. I have to click in the lower left side of the button in order for it to save. This is a deal killer for me, and I may revert back to a previous version unless I can solve this.

I have the same problems with this screen whether I’m running Firefox 2 or IE 7. Has anyone else experienced this issue and were you able to fix it?

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Watch Me Do This

“Hey, Dad, watch me do this”. I must hear that phrase at least twenty times a day. I hear it when my son wants me to watch him finish off the final monster in Zelda.  My youngest daughter will say it when she’s about to let loose an earth-shattering burp that’s entirely too loud for such a small body.

As I sat at the computer this weekend, I heard Luca open the front door and yell, “Hey, Dad, come watch me!!” So I headed for the front yard where I saw her doing this:

hula

One of our neighbors brought over a hula hoop and Luca decided to teach herself. She’s a perfectionist and possesses her father’s competitive nature. As she whipped the oversized hoop around her waist she said, “I can do it 40 times”. By the time Kim came outside to watch she was counting well into the two hundreds.

Children like to try new things. They aren’t afraid to fail. If the hoop falls, just pick it up and try again. This is what being a kid is all about. Learn something new and then show others what you’ve learned.

I’m aware of few “hula hoops” that I’ve kept from attempting because I’m afraid I’ll fail. I’ve wanted to try snow boarding for many years. Yet I recall how the first few times skiing I spent more time on my butt than on my skis and I don’t want to look stupid. I need to get over it and just try it.

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Woodland Park Zoo

We visited the Woodland Park Zoo near downtown Seattle this afternoon. The temperature was in the 70’s, the sky was clear and the sun felt great on my face.

We visited a number of the exhibits. The kids loved watching the howler monkeys climb up high in the trees and make goofy but very loud noises. My favorite exhibit was the birds of prey area. Several times during the day the zoo brings out a person to show and talk about the different birds. Today he brought a Peregrine Falcon. What an awesome bird! That tiny red spot near the falcon’s mouth is a piece of meat the handler had just given her.

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Here’s what I learned about this magnificent bird:

  • It’s considered one of the best hunting birds if not the best.
  • It’s such a good hunter that eagles will follow it knowing it will catch prey.
  • It can kill and eat ducks.
  • It has an average wingspan of 45 inches.
  • It can reach speeds of 200 MPH while diving after prey

Watching today’s show made me want to return to learn about the other birds of prey. Well worth the visit, but call ahead to confirm exhibit times.

My Favorite Things To Do At the Grocery Store

  1. Sample every flavor of cashew in the bulk bin section.
  2. Locate the gallon of 1% milk with the latest expiration date by inserting my entire body into the cooler and reaching my hand back as far as it will go.
  3. Run down the soda aisle with my cart, hop on the back, and then coast down the straight-away until I run into a 24-pack of Diet Coke.
  4. Seeing how many items I can correctly ring up on self-service scanner before an attendant scolds me doing something wrong.
  5. Opening the freezer door near the ice cream that fogs up every door in the frozen foods section.
  6. Weighing items on the scales in the produce section that weren’t meant to be weighed like cartons of orange juice and Slim Jims.

No wonder Kim sends me to the store alone.

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