Law of Threes

The podcast I look forward to more than any other is “The BS Report” by Bill Simmons of ESPN, otherwise known as “The Sports Guy”. Last week he referenced an article written by Mike Lombardi about the Law of Threes.

The Law of Threes states that on any team or organization you’ll have three types of people:

  1. Those who will do everything asked of them.
  2. Those who are undecided and don’t know what to do.
  3. Those who buck the system and want to disrupt everyone else. 

Lombardi used the Law of Threes to describe why the New York Giants continue to win football games in spite of the actions of one of their star players. He credits the coach for focusing on those players in group #1. This creates a culture where some of those in camp #2 step into line with the team. Meanwhile those in group #3 may occasionally cause drama, but aren’t able to bring the team down. If the coach has done his job, the players feel the team is greater than any individual player.

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Picture of Anna Lynn, tester of the Law of Threes

I’ve been giving some thought to how the Law of Threes plays out in our home. Our first three children easily slide into each category. If I were to ask each of them to grab two Diet Cokes from the fridge downstairs and return to the kitchen here’s how it would play out:

Luca would immediately grab them and return.

Lincoln would casually head down the stairs. Halfway there he’d forget why and where he was going and return to the kitchen with a confused look on his face.

Anna would do a little dance, smack her butt, and give me a high five before running off to catch the next Scooby Doo on Boomerang.

According to the Law of Threes, I should focus my energy on Luca and hope Lincoln eventually falls into place. But, unlike a coach, I can’t trade Anna to another family for a daughter to be named later. I must drum up the patience to work with her. To love her. Although she can be frustrating, she brings a large dose of comedy to our home.

I wouldn’t trade her for anyone.

Even Lebron.

The Block Toss

While Kim and the three older kids were putting ornaments on our tree, I was in charge of watching Kai who recently turned 1 year old. I placed him in his Bjorn Babysitter Balance and put a basket full of toys within his reach.

But he wasn’t interested in the blocks or stuffed animals, and he began tossing them under my feet. It wasn’t long before the basket was empty.

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I put the toys back in the basket, and he proceeded to toss them at me again.

He wanted my attention.

So I gently lifted him out of the Bjorn and placed him on my lap. I tried to type, but Kai’s little hands were too fast. He pounded the keyboard making it impossible to do much on the computer.

He wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t tired.

I handed him a plastic block. He looked at it as if to say, “Is this the best you can do?”

I reached over and grabbed it out of his hand assuming he was about to toss it at my computer screen. I figured he’d start whining. 

But just the opposite happened.

He laughed and giggled himself silly.

So I gave him the block again and quickly grabbed it out of his little hands. I did this over and over till he had tears streaming down his face from laughter.

You’d think I’d understand this by now but children love interaction. They love to see your face and look into your eyes. They love to see you smile back at them. They crave the back and forth reactions that make them feel loved.

For all the time and money I’ve spent making sure Kai has a place to sit or bounce or sleep, nothing beats being embraced by a loved one.

Hopefully next time he won’t have to toss blocks at my feet in order to get my attention.

The Laundry Pile

Here’s how Kim sorts laundry:laundry

  1. Whites
  2. Colors
  3. Darks
  4. Delicates
  5. Dresses/Fancy material
  6. Blankets/Sleeping Bags
  7. Items that don’t go in the dryer 
  8. Rugs/Towels

Here’s how I sort the laundry:

  1. Lights
  2. Darks

The way Kim sorts laundry into 8 piles compared to my two is a good illustration of how we both approach other areas of our lives. Kim sees a life with many layers that one peels back much like an onion. I’m much more black or white in my approach.

For example, this week Kim told me about an issue she’s having with a friend. She’s been weighing various options, carefully thinking over how each could play out. She’s created a mental spreadsheet keeping track of the pros and cons while attempting to predict the outcome. No choice will be 100% right or wrong.

Yet when she explained the situation to me I said, “Just tell your friend no”. I view life less like an onion and more like an orange.

This is usually how things play out. The same goes for ordering food. Kim knows exactly what each child will eat and all the special requests and required customizations. She has no problem remembering that Luca likes chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce but only from Wendy’s while Anna likes hamburgers with cheese and no pickle but only from McDonalds.

Unless Kim is there to order with me, the kids are getting a plain cheese pizza. There’s no chance my mind can recall that level of detail.

But I wouldn’t change Kim and I doubt Kim would want to change me. We balance each other out in this regard, and each approach has its merits.

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One Book I’ve Never Read

When I moved to Seattle in 1994 I rented an apartment across the street from the University of Washington and less than a block away from the student bookstore. I was working my first job out of college and didn’t have the money to purchase many books. On my days off I’d walk down the back stairs of my apartment and take a hard right around the corner to the bookstore where I’d gather a stack of books. The stack was mostly filled with computer and programming books but I enjoyed reading about art and history as well. Some days I’d spend 10 hours sitting on the floor readingbook-spock book after book. 

But there’s one type of book I’ve never read. I’ve never been interested in reading books on parenting. Not even the Dr. Spock book it seems like every parents reads before their first child arrives.

I used to feel guilty about having no desire to read about how someone else feels I should raise my children. Yet I read books that make me a better manager. Maybe even a few articles here and there that make me a slightly improved husband. But nothing directly geared towards parenting.

Given that New Year’s resolutions are just around the corner maybe I should head on down to the Barnes and Noble (the one with a Starbucks inside) and check out the latest batch of parenting books. I’m sure there’s something from Stephen Covey and Dr. Phil. And a few thousand more from experts may not have children of their own. 

So with that, if I can find a parenting book that answers the following questions, I’ll buy it.

  1. How many hours of Scooby Doo in a week is appropriate for a 5 year old.
  2. How to remove a plain M&M from the nostril.
  3. How to teach your children to Tivo without deleting Season Passes to Desperate Housewives, The Hills, and The Office.
  4. How to keep your kids from belching (among other sounds) during the quiet times at church.
  5. How to put shoes on the right feet.
  6. How to flush the toilet!
  7. How to help your kids find their inside voices.
  8. How to keep from backwashing Cheerios into dad’s Diet Coke.
  9. How to sleep past 6 am on the weekends.
  10. How to beat your kids at any Nintendo game and live to gloat about it.

We’ve only been raising kids for a few years and have many more to go. So far they seem fine. Half the battle is keeping track of them. Maybe we’ve been blessed with good children. Or maybe they have an awesome mom that makes up for many of the father’s faults. It’s probably a combination of many influences.

One day I’ll be able look back and see how each of them turned out. I’m sure I’ll be able to see what worked and what didn’t. Both Kim and I believe in teaching our children correct principles but allowing them the freedom to learn and grow and make choices that occasionally bring consequences.

As I tucked the kids into bed tonight each of them gave me a hug and kiss to my forehead. When I got to Anna she said, “You’re the best dad in the whole world”. I smiled and was feeling pretty good about myself as I began to leave. Until she added, “But I’m going to ask Santa for a new dad if you don’t let us decorate the tree tomorrow”.

Is there a book for that?

Mandolin Rain

Bruce Hornsby released “The Way It Is” in 1986, the year I graduated from high school. The title track was difficult to avoid that year. I didn’t think much much of the album until I was in Wiesbaden, Germany hanging out at a gorgeous park on our preparation day.

If you’re a regular reader of my blog you might assume missionaries search out opportunities to listen to regular music and you’d be right. It was easier giving up dating and movies and television. image

On this summer day, we’d finished our chores for the day and decided to throw the football at the park which we did until we realized we’d wandered into a “clothes optional” park. At the very least, shirts were optional because we hadn’t been tossing the football for more than a few minutes when two girls setup shop near our backpacks and decided to go topless.

After spending a few minutes to calm my companion, we grabbed our bags and moved further up the hill from everyone. We had a good laugh about the whole experience and then kicked back with our Walkmans.

It doesn’t happen very often, but occasionally I’ll catch a glimpse of a song and immediately love it.  It’s the part when Bono pulls out the harmonica at the end of “Running To A Stand Still” or the first time I heard “Woods” from George Winston at the the 2:14 mark.   It’s the part of the song that speaks directly to you. It’s not easy to explain and many people will not understand. But that doesn’t matter, because for whatever reason it hits your ears and then your soul at the right moment.

That’s what happened on me that day in Germany as I kicked back on the grass and listened to the end of “Mandolin Rain”. At about 4:50 he slows down the piano and then at 5:07 he adds “Listen to the Mandolin Rain…..nnyaa”.

Just perfect. Makes me smile every time.

[audio:https://blog.nordquist.org/audio/mandolinrain.mp3%5D

Making Pumpkin Cream Pies

My mom has been making this recipe for pumpkin cream pies for as long as I can remember. It’s been handed down for several generations. It’s the only pumpkin pie I’ll eat. We only make them at Thanksgiving, primarily due to the time they take to prepare.  The filling must be stirred over heat for 90 minutes and then allowed to cool down for two hours.

And tonight, stirring the pumpkin pies was task Kim felt I could handle.

Only once during those 90 minutes did I scream when a blob of super hot pumpkin filling bubbled out of the pan and onto my bare knee. I must have made quite a racket because Kim ran up the stairs thinking I’d dumped the pan on the floor. I guess my small knee blister won’t be getting much sympathy.

 reciple

A day or two before Thanksgiving 2001, I called my mother to get the pie recipe and I wrote down the above measurements.

My four year old daughter’s penmanship is more legible than this mess. I received low marks in penmanship back in grade school, and I’ve done nothing since then to prove them wrong. And who spells ‘yolks’ correctly the first time anyway?

Stirring pies brings back a lot of good memories. My mom would pull up a chair and keep me company which made the time go by faster. I’d stir for an hour and feel certain the filling was finished cooking. I’d ask if cranking up the heat would reduce the cooking time (it doesn’t). My mom would make the crusts by hand, but she never felt they looked very good. I’d tell her the only thing that mattered was how they taste. And they always tasted so very good.

Finally, at around the 85 minute mark, mom would take the oversized wooden spoon from my tired hands. She’d fill the spoon full of filling and turn it over. If it hung for a second or two, it was done. I usually had to stir for a few more minutes until mom ran the same test again. Although I’d question her rulings, I never once convinced her to pull the pan off the burner prematurely.

It was fun to chat with Kim tonight as we both took turns stirring the last 15 minutes. Our kids will devourer the pies topped with whipped cream tomorrow.

I doubt they will understand it’s now 4 am, and I just put the four finished pies in the fridge. Covered by 4 squares of wax paper.

Just like my mom taught me.

Kai Can’t Sleep

Last night, Kim and I were sitting downstairs typing away at our computers. All the kids were in bed for the evening, and I thought I’d have a few hours to goof around on Digg and Twitter and maybe post a blog.

That’s when we heard Kai over the baby monitor. He doesn’t start with a gentle whimper and build up to a full crescendo. Nope. He starts at a level 11. The baby monitor is redundant.

kaicrawl

Kim looked at me. I looked at Kim.

I couldn’t manufacture an excuse fast enough. Kim said, “He’s too attached to me. Maybe he’ll go down better for you. So turn off the Pink Floyd and get upstairs”.

I added that last part.

So I dragged my butt upstairs and into Kai’s room. When he saw me he stopped crying. His face was soaked in tears. Even his hair was damp. But he sat there staring back at me while clutching his blanket.

As long as I looked at him he was fine. But the second I took a step towards the door, he’d cry. His eyes drooped. His entire little body was exhausted. Too tired to sleep.

I decided to lay down next to his crib. I propped my head up on a worn copy of Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham. It took a few more Dr. Seuss books to bring my head even with his so I could look into his eyes. He turned his head towards me and didn’t take his eyes off me for 10 minutes. I told myself I was taking part in a blinking competition, but I lost the first three games and called it quits.

I don’t know who fell asleep first. Probably me. I peeled the Cat and the Hat book off my face. Kai’s still facing me but his eyes are now closed, and all I hear is his soft breathing. I was in such a rush to get him to sleep, yet now I wish he were awake.

Staring back at me with those big blue eyes.

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The Thankful Tree

Last night we gathered the kids around and Kim told them a story about gratitude. We talked about what it means to be grateful. Luca summed up the discussion by saying, “That’s why we have Thanksgiving. It reminds us to be thankful for all our stuff”.

Kim handed out five leaves to Luca, Lincoln and Anna and asked them to draw pictures of things for which they are thankful. Kim and I also participated, but our leaves lacked the artistic value compared to those the kids created.

Luca is thankful for clocks, chairs and plants.

Lincoln is thankful for clouds and fruit and computers.

Anna is thankful for her friends and family

Kim is thankful for her washer and dryer and dark chocolate.

I am thankful for rain and high speed internet.

Kim taped the tree and all its leaves to the back door. I like how it turned out.

thankfultree

Loyalty

My father worked as a school teacher for 32 years. He worked for the same school district for all those years. Although he held many jobs over that time span, he worked for the same employer. Although he probably doesn’t consider himself wealthy, the job was reliable, the benefits sufficient and the pension fantastic. I’m sure, on some level, he feels a sense of loyalty to his employer of 32 years.

Throughout my career I’ve been treated quite well by most of my employers. I’ve worked at companies with 5 employees to several with over 50,000. I’ve felt more loyalty towards the smaller companies. They felt like family. In those times I’ve certainly felt loyalty towards my managers and employees. That’s not a surprise because I’ve searched out opportunities to work for good people ahead of how big or popular the company may be.

Not so much with the larger companies. Working for Microsoft I felt like Z from the movie Antz. Just a tiny cog in a massive machine that’s easy to replace. Here’s your marching orders.

With higher numbers of unemployment, business owners know they’re in the catbird seat when it comes to hiring, promotions and raises. We’ve gone through the flip side of this equation where employees jumped from job to job like free agents searching for the highest bidder. Both sides have treated the other like a disposable partnership at times.

Eventually the jobs will come back. The pendulum will swing back towards the employees. I hope both employees and business owners will exercise mutual respect for each other during economic prosperity as well as economic downtown.

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The Express Lane

I’m getting pretty good at this whole shopping thing. Most Saturday nights, Kim gives me a list of items which always include:

  1. Diet Coke 24 Pack
  2. Whole grain Bread
  3. Dannon Yogurt

I can find those three items without having to asking a store employee or use a life line. From here things get a little dicey. I have trouble with small stuff like spices and canned seasonal items like pumpkin and cranberry sauce. Around the holidays, stores like to group similar items together on an end-cap making it easier to find all the ingredients for say, pumpkin pies.

The last thing I need is to feel like I’m doing my grocery shopping at Costco which frustrates me to no end by playing the shell game with their products. Next time you’re as Costco ask any employee where to find the syrup and watch them point towards the tire section. Even they don’t know.  shoppingbasket

But I’m getting to the point where I’ll return home with at least 75% of the items on Kim’s list. That’s not bad. And I make up for those items I couldn’t find by adding my own items that include magazines, Slim Jims and ranch flavored sunflower seeds.

Yet I’m still confused by the About 12 Items or Less lines. Trying to determine the meaning of “about” reminds me of Bill Clinton during his Lewinsky testimony when he said, “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.”

Does it mean a firm 12 items plus some gum and Tic Tacs? Does it mean 14 or 15 items? Do my 12 jars of baby food count as 12 items or one? What if I’m buying items that are easy to scan like cans of chili compared to exotic produce (the pomegranate or mango) that slows even the experienced checker?

I’ve come up with my own interpretation of “about” which I’ve successfully implemented the past couple of trips. It’s simple:

Whatever I can cram into a basket.

If I can stash a dozen oranges, four Odwalla Blueberry B Monster drinks, and 15 jars of baby food, then save me a place in the Express Line because I’m coming through!

But if my trip to the store requires a wobbly wheeled cart, I’ll stand in line behind the family replenishing their food storage.

It only seems fair.